The Unbroken Beat
by ThisIsHeavy
Summary: Callie's efforts to save Arizona's friend fail and the aftermath takes its toll on the relationship.
1. Six minutes and TwentySeven Seconds

**AN**: Loosely based on upcoming episode info, so there are possible spoilers.

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In the hospital you get used to specific events, especially as an orthopedic surgeon. The first time you get pulled into an emergency surgery you're excited and running down the halls like a mad woman scurrying to get to the patient as if their life depended on it, even when their life does not depend on it. Eventually though, after the first few months, you learn, you definitely learn. Some idiot is going to try to jump over the roof of a building and break both of his legs; he'll live. Kelly-Sue Sunshine is going to run her car into a bus bench cause she just had to send a text; she's got whiplash and needs a back brace but she'll live. You come to realize you're the lead orthopedic surgeon in the hospital; you don't have to run they're all coming to you, every last one of them. You get used to it. The sound of the heart monitor beats in rhythm to the song you've been singing in your head during surgery. It's an expected noise hopping along at three-quarter time and after much exposure you learn to ignore it. I am used to it all by now, well everything except that one sound that stops every doctor in their tracts. One solid unbroken note can send a doctor's world into a tailspin. As doctors we live in constant fear of that time when the heart monitor goes from hopping rhythmic beats to a consistently held hum, we fear the unbroken note.

It didn't matter who I was operating on, or how complex the surgery was, or even that I had an audience in the gallery. Nothing was unusual, nothing startled me until I heard the sound, and then it was time to think fast. About a minute ago I was breezing through a surgery and rocking out to Journey. Then that synthetic hum hit and everything went to hell. The music goes off and I come out of autopilot mode; it's time to assess the situation. The Leukemia's spread it's affecting the muscle around the heart tissue. I knew that going in, I knew this surgery was a risk before I even opened him up. But now it seemed a clot developed during surgery and with the hardened muscle already a factor, it was all too easy for even a tiny little blockage to initiate the arrest we were witnessing now.

"Get in there and massage it" I order my resident

"Call cardio, NOW!" I am frantic by this point.

A few seconds later the door swings open, I think it's Teddy here to save the day, I don't even bother looking up.

"You got here quickly Grey's got her hand on the arrested area we're trying to massage it out…"

"You said you could do this" I hear, then I know it's not Teddy.

Arizona's looking at me face full of worry and panic. She knows this isn't helping; we've had that conversation before. But, I also know she can't help it, she doesn't know what else to do which is why she hates caring; it makes it too hard to walk away. She thinks I've forgotten, that it somehow skipped my mind that I had her best childhood friend laying open in my OR.

"Lexie is working on it now" I tried to reassure her.

"What are you doing?" she retorted

I couldn't answer, even if I explained that I wanted the best person available to go in there, even if I reminded her that I hadn't even touched a heart since residency, she wouldn't understand. If I went in I'd be guessing, but Teddy would be sure.

"Arizona you have to leave" I instructed with some firmness in my voice.

She stared me down for a while to see if I was serious, when my eyes didn't move away from hers she finally started to retreat.

Just as she was backing out of the door, Arizona turned around again pausing with her body rested against the port so that it was slightly ajar.

"Don't kill him, just please don't kill him. I'm all the family he has left."

No sooner had she gone than Teddy came rushing in not even asking any questions before pushing Lexie aside and sticking her hands down fist deep into the chest cavity.

"Damn it, this thing is hard as a rock!" Teddy sighed in frustration.

"How long has he been out for?" while flipping the overhead light to get a better view of the situation.

"two minutes" Lexie answered which almost gave Teddy a heart attack herself.

"Dr. Torres…" she started to say, but she didn't have to finish.

"I know" I answered and we shared a look of mutual understanding.

I watched as Teddy meticulously tried to find a way to bypass the blockage finally settling on another unconventional method she'd learned in the field. Then we just waited for what seemed like ages. No response , nothing. Lexie gave me a look and I knew she was saying we should call it, but I couldn't walk away I wasn't ready to give up.

"Nick you son of a bitch, wake the hell up!" I demanded of his unconscious body.

Just then I saw a blip on the screen the monitor started to pick back up. Lexie watched in complete shock as the numbers started to pick back up.

"He's back" Teddy cheered with glee.

Later in the scrub room I had a moment to take in everything that had happened. It was almost too much to fully comprehend. More importantly, I had no idea how I was going to explain it all to Arizona. Ever since she found out Nick needed surgery, it'd been like walking on egg shells every time I went home. Tiptoeing around the details, hoping not to say the wrong thing or cause unnecessary alarm.

"Bet you can't wait to tell her the good news" Lexie enthused seemingly out of nowhere. I stared at her for a minute completely confused.

"What good news?"

"We got him back and you still got the infection out so…" I could see she wasn't grasping the full magnitude of the situation.

She paused for a minute and observed the distant look in my eyes.

"He's going to wake up" she tried to reassure me.

"Lexie," I finally explain "the patient was out for more than three full minutes before we were able to get his heart rate back up from rest. That prolonged loss of circulation…even if he wakes up, I killed him"

With that I walked out of the room and headed over to the locker area to get changed.

By the time I got home it was closer to 11pm than it was to ten. I should have been back an hour ago and I knew it, Arizona knew it too. But, I needed to think, so I stopped by Joes. When I put the key in the door and opened it to see her asleep on the couch with Sofia in her arms resting against her chest I thought I was in the clear, we'll talk about it in the morning I told myself. I should have known better, I just should have known. The minute Sofia heard my keys jingling past the living room it startled her awake and she started fidgeting with excitement, happy to see her mommy was home. I leaned over to pick her up, but the minute I did that Arizona's maternal instincts flipped on and she jumped up from the sofa before realizing it was just me.

"You're late" she observed groggily.

"I know" I answer in a calm whisper.

"You know?" by now she sounded sort of insulted. "Where were you?" she questioned.

I had begun rocking Sofia back and forth until she fell back asleep, I could tell this wasn't going to be a fun conversation and I wanted to be able to put Sofia down before we got into it.

"I went to Joe's" I answered while walking over to Sofia's room. I closed the door behind me and walked down to our bedroom with Arizona following closely behind.

"You went to Joe's?"

"I had a long day." I tried earnestly not to get agitated but it was increasingly difficult with each question seeming to pile on top of the next.

"You had a long day so you went to Joe's or you went to Joes because you're avoiding me?"

In science, well chemistry mostly, they tech you about calculating the threshold. How much of any particular form of matter can be forced into a contained space before it exceeds the limitations of that space? Right now, Arizona had definetly hit my threshold and she knew it from the expression on my face.

"The surgery ran long and I…"

"How was that?" she cut me off.

"He's out of it, we um got the infected bone out without having to amputate and Teddy was able to get his heart rate to pick up."

"That's good though" Arizona smiled, though visibly confused at the fatigued expression on my face.

"He's not awake yet, and he'll need another surgery" I explain while trying to convince myself that an omission is not a lie.

Arizona stepped closer and brushed a lock of hair away from my face before kissing me for reassurance.

"This is good, he's going to be fine." I wasn't sure if that last part was to reassure me or herself. All I could do was stand there practically frozen in thought as she moved to kiss me again. I could tell she wanted more than that, but my head wasn't there and I ended up pulling away.

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired. I really need to sleep." That one was an outright lie, and I think she may have felt it because she gave me a questioning glance before turning away and climbing into bed with her back turned. I didn't get much sleep, I couldn't. My mind was going over everything in sequence repeatedly.

The next day at work was absurdly uncomfortable. Everyone was congratulating me on my miracle surgery and while I did my best to deflect and give credit to Teddy it all went nowhere. I knew it was a high risk surgery, But I failed to see the miracle in putting a man into a coma, and possibly turning him into a vegetable. Even though I'd gotten all the infected bone in the lower leg area, there was still a necessary heart surgery and that wouldn't happen if Nick never got out of the coma. As the days passed I grew even more distant and Arizona became increasingly suspicious. I felt like I was sitting on a powder keg waiting for her to find out exactly how long his heart had been stopped. At first she tried to ignore it and act like everything was progressing normally, but she was a doctor, she knew. There was nothing normal about a week long coma. Even if she didn't know because of that, she had to know something was wrong the way I retreated any time she got close to me. I couldn't help it. Every single time I would just hear her words before she left the OR and I would feel like I failed.

Then, out of the blue one day, it just happened. I walked into the OR wing to see her standing at the reception desk skimming through a file she seemed transfixed on whatever was in there, so I just stood and watched as she continued to read. Then, like a missal out of water, her eyes shot up then down toward me. I was hesitant but decided to go to her, maybe she would understand I thought.

She just stared at me for a while, unable to form any coherent phrases. But then "six minutes and twenty seven seconds."

I knew the number well; I'd been repeating it in my head for the past two weeks by now. Doctors usually stop counting after three, that's the threshold for hope in an OR.

"I told you he was in a coma" I try to explain.

"You didn't, you didn't tell me about six minutes and twenty-seven seconds of lost circulation, of total blood loss to the brain. You didn't tell me any of that"

There was really nothing I could say, she was right about that. But I thought I could try to be comforting.

"I was trying to protect you, people have come out of worse and…" she, at this point, closed her eyes and started to softly shake her head no.

"I got a call this morning, he went in to multiple organ failure and suffered a second heart attack. He listed me as family so…anyway, he's not uh…" she couldn't really finish but I got the important bits. Nick was gone and she had to be the one to shut off life support.


	2. Karev Should Be Here

**AN**:The story took a new direction and in order to tell it better I had to switch from first to third person. I apologize for any confusion and I hope you still enjoy the story.

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Okay, she'll admit it now. There was some reluctance before, but now she was ready to shout it from the roof tops to anyone who was willing to listen. Callie Torres was fighting mad and all her anger seemed to be directed at one Arizona Robbins. She told her to wait; she told her that even if it got late she should wait because she needed to see Callie's face first thing when she got back. Arizona told her in very explicit detail about the irretrievably dark place she was in and Callie knew her; she knew her wife didn't want to talk about it. Arizona wanted to retreat to her pretty pink bubble and pretend to be happy until she actually was happy. That was Arizona's process. The pink bubble was her bat cave and Callie had become accustomed to joining her inside of it from time to time.

Timothy was dead, Nick was dead and Alex was leaving. Callie thought back to that moment just before they stepped off the elevator. She'd caught Arizona in the hallway walking briskly with a determined look on her face. She knew this look, it only meant bad things, never good, never. She knew it meant Arizona was about to charge head first into any and every obstacle that stood in her way bulldozing them until they lay crumbled like razed houses in the path of a tornado. She shook her head reluctantly and approached anyway.

"hey, hey you with the pissy face and the angry terminator walk" Callie called after her.

Arizona pivoted and turned her hair snapping behind her like a whip.

"What?" she said with so much anger it almost startled Callie.

"Sorry, I didn't know it was you." She let herself calm down while waiting for Callie to step on the elevator with her.

"Oh, good to know" Callie quipped sarcastically, even though Arizona clearly wasn't in the mood for sarcasm, not even of the witty variety.

"Listen" Callie spoke up. "Whatever has got you so upset, we can talk it out. Don't go all Norma Ray in the middle of the hospital okay. I'll let you give your I'm mad as HELL speech at home."

She tried to reason with her, she thought it was a fair compromise, but the minute the elevator doors opened Arizona heard nothing, she felt nothing but the overflow of rage that had been bubbling inside her since her very best friend revealed himself to be the world's biggest idiot when it came to his own personal health. Then, there he was, Alex Karev, disloyal ingrate, and currently enemy number one on Arizona's list of most wanted. She saw a flash of red, she felt a wave of heat and before she knew it she just snapped. There was nothing Callie could have done to stop her. She was in full on tornado mode and he was a house primed to be ripped from his foundation.

Later Callie assumed, it was all out of her system, and Arizona would relent. She wasn't actually going to take Alex's spot on that plane. They'd planned a date night. Callie finally caught a break in her schedule and they were going to have a night to themselves, that was the plan. A little wine, a little music, a whole lot of Callie prancing around naked with pastries and hoping it was enough to distract Arizona from thinking about Nick. But then she saw Arizona in that stupid jacket and realized none of that was going to happen, at least not the way she planned it.

"Okay no, this is ridiculous" Callie started to say but was cut off by a deceptively perky Arizona. It took a while but Callie had finally figured out how to weed through the perky and get to the root of what was actually being said.

"Let me use the surgery to clear my head" Arizona started, which really meant she was politely putting her foot down and telling Callie not to tell her what she needed.

"I'll be back before you go to sleep, and I want to see your face when I get in" which meant don't worry about me I'll be back as soon as I can and I'm expecting we'll screw like rabbits so don't fall asleep. People would be surprised at the dirty things Arizona got away with saying if they actually paid attention to her method of communication. At any rate, despite all her perky mannerisms, she still had her stern face on which meant she wasn't asking so much as telling.

So Callie, in her supportive mood, did her best to give Arizona exactly what she wanted, she even managed to get excited about it, after all, Arizona often gave some of her best performances during I miss-you sex. But now, at why-the-hell-are-you-awake o'clock in the morning, Callie was growing tiered and irritated. She cursed at her phone after the seventeenth call went unanswered. She knew it was seventeen because she'd counted out of boredom and frustration. She heard Sofia crying in her bedroom, the one Arizona had professionally painted with an African safari theme. Callie grumbled as she got out of bed to check on their daughter.

She pushed the door open to see Sofia sitting up in her crib staring quizzically at a giraffe painted on the wall across from her. It was too bright in this room, Callie hated it right now, the way she suddenly seemed to hate Sofia's room any time Arizona put her in a bad mood. She picked the little girl up and cradled her in her arms.

"I've got a new theme for this room" Callie cooed to her daughter as if the baby could understand her.

"zebras in jail" She announced with big show hands. "Everything in black and white"

Callie observed as Sofia looked up at her with the same frowny face Arizona used whenever she found something distasteful. She bounced the little girl on her knee.

"You really are a Robbin, aren't you?" Callie teased.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona stared down at her leg, it had gone numb from the cold by now. But, she figured, given all that time with her exposed femur taking in the debris a fume laden air, she'd likely caught an infection anyway so she was lucky not to be able to feel the pain of her body being attacked by various bugs and bacteria that were primed and ready to chow down on any morsel of exposed flesh. Everyone except Cristina was sitting down, either immobilized by injury or by fatigue. Every ten minutes Cristina would call out to them to ensure they hadn't fallen asleep. Arizona didn't dare question, but she felt they were being called in order of importance.

"MEREDITH" Cristina shouted with urgency.

"I'm fine, I'm…" she trailed off and Arizona knew exactly why. At this point every word seemed to conjure up a thought of Lexie. How could Meredith possibly say she was here, when she didn't even understand how Lexie wasn't here.

"DEREK!" Cristina shouted next. When he didn't answer she readied herself to shout his name again "Dere…"

"He's Okay" Meredith called back "His voice is shot, but he's okay." Meredith looked at Derek's badly mangled hand one more time. She knew better, she knew he wasn't okay, far from it. What she meant to say, what she should have said was he's alive. None of them were okay.

Arizona coughed again and this time instead of a small spurt her entire hand filled with a small pool of blood. Mark wasn't conscience enough to speak, but he had been taking in Arizona's slow, quiet and stubborn deterioration nonetheless. His head lay rested against her lap like a small child crawled into their mother's bed after a bad dream.

"MARK!" Cristina shouted.

Arizona looked down and saw him release a labored breath.

"MARK!" Cristina shouted more urgently, still no response. She was now marching her way over to where Arizona and Mark had nested, less out of choice than pure necessity. Arizona knew what was coming. She'd seen Cristina do it once to Derek who made the mistake of thinking he could take a tiny nap with Cristina in survival mode.

Without any further hesitation Cristina drew up her good arm and gathered as much force as she could before smacking Mark square in the face. He couldn't form a word, but he let out a loud gasp of air and his eyes shot open in surprise. Arizona, who received the residual pain of having Mark's head bounce and recoil against her chest, spoke for both of them.

"Ouch!"

"Anyone else feel like falling asleep?" Cristina questioned more as a threat than anything else.

"Nobody else gets to die today. I don't care if you have to eat your own flesh for sustenance, you will fight and you will live or I swear to God I will beat the death out of you. No one gets to die today, not anymore."

"Robbins are you holding up?" Cristina asked this time with genuine concern.

"I' m okay" Arizona lied.

Mark looked up at her in worried disbelief, he knew better. She could see his sunken eyes pleading with her to tell the truth. Meredith seemed preoccupied with doing whatever she could to keep Derek awake so Cristina continued down the list to the last name.

"Jerry!" no answer.

"Jerry!" still, no answer.

They all looked over to see him slumped over, his skin gone pale and his mouth hanging open. Cristina began her way over, but Meredith stopped her.

"Cristina, he's gone" That was all she could manage. Meredith was a doctor, a surgeon after all, so it baffled her to no end that she suddenly found it impossible to say dead or any other death related derivative. Jerry wasn't dead he was just gone, and Lexie…she was gone too.

Arizona had another coughing fit and this time the blood seeped out of her hand and spilled some into Mark's debris filled hair. The sound of it startled Meredith enough for her to try and get up from her cuddle corner with Derek to check it out. But when Cristina saw, she motioned for Meredith to sit back down. Someone had to make sure Derek stayed awake.

So instead Cristina marched over to Arizona for a closer inspection. Upon review she saw a jacket smeared in some places and drenched in others with blood; blood that had now stained Arizona's hands through and through. She saw the skin around Arizona's exposed femur had grown discolored. Cristina looked up to see that Arizona was now laughing hysterically. She was giving up, Cristina dropped to her knees in frustration.

"I wasn't even supposed to be here" Arizona explained through chuckles. "If I hadn't been such a know-it-all, I'd be at home having sex right now with my hot, hot wife." She snorted from the pain of the unending laughter. "Karev should be here."

"You insufferable bitch." Cristina finally let out. She grabbed Arizona by the neck of her shirt and gave it a hard tug so that they were now nose to nose.

"You're not going to die. I'm not going to die, no one is dying, but especially not you. Not you because when they wheel you in and Callie realizes what a decrepit gnarled up mess your leg is I want to be there. I want to be there when all the titanium in the world can't save that stupid leg of yours and Callie finally breaks out the bone saw, I want to be there so that I can laugh hysterically at the irony of that."

They both knew they regretted it, mutually after all the words were said, they also both knew they were too stubborn to offer up an apology so instead Cristina just rolled her eyes and walked off.

~~~~XX~~~~

Just as she was ready to put Sofia back down Callie heard a persistent and booming knock at the door. Arizona had better have a good reason for waking the baby up like this Callie told herself. Tying her robe closed she the dragged herself over to the door and yanked it open.

'You're needed at the hospital, all hands on deck" Alex spurted out without even stopping to explain his presence. In all the years she'd lived at that address Callie couldn't recall Alex stopping by even once.

"And when they want me they'll page me" Callie reassured him before retreating back into the apartment. But Alex was determined. He barged his way in startling Callie who now had to check on a wide awake Sofia.

"The plane crashed."

Alex explained with about as much grace and subtlety as a ballet of monkeys.

"What?" Callie questioned while resting Sofia on her hip.

"The friggin plane CRASHED!" Alex boomed until it finally sunk in for Callie.

Callie hoisted Sofia in Alex's direction without even waiting to see if she was secure in his arms. Alex didn't mind, even though he feigned irritation.

"stupid baby" he muttered to Sofia who had let out a long stream of drool onto his face as he tossed her in the air playfully.

By the time they got to the hospital Callie was in full on fix it mode. She could see people looking at her as if they wanted her to provide an update, she didn't have time to reassure them. She needed to see what was broken and just fix it. She always fixed it and this would be no different.


	3. Any Other Random Stranger

**AN**: I do as much research as I can, but I am not a doctor so cut me some slack there. Thank you for reading

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They wheeled them in one at a time and everyone stood at the doors waiting. First Cristina was pushed in cursing and ordering the paramedics around as if nothing at all had happened to her. Awake and responsive. Callie could see them all checking her off the list. Not Callie thought, she was looking at that arm and thinking about how to get it back to normal. As a surgeon, more than anything Cristina needed to be able to maintain a normal range of motion. Owen ran, he ran to her like a fireman to a house on fire. It only made it that much more difficult to watch her push him away as she was guided into an emergency room. He trailed after her anyway.

Next was Meredith, who clearly had broken her foot and had what looked like third degree burns to the back of her head. Baily looked happy, not about the injuries, but yes about the injuries. So far, they had been minor which was unthinkable considering they survived a plane crash. Webber directed Baily to follow Meredith in. Everyone started to relax assuming the worst was over, and then, suddenly they were all snapped back into reality.

The first bag stumbled out with a solid thud that made everyone stand at attention, their eyes transfixed on the mystery hiding from them inside. How could they have been so naïve? What kind of plane crash exists where no one dies? Really, they should have known better, or at least that's what Callie told herself in between kicking herself for secretly hoping it was anyone but Arizona.

They wheeled Derek out and he did his best to look normal as ever, but Callie could see through the nearly perfect hair and the plastered on smile. She noticed him concealing his left hand. It wasn't going to be good, but she was confident she could find a way to fix that too. Richard directed April to take care of Derek and Callie watched as Kepner's trauma training kicked in. It was the only time she found the girl just slightly tolerable.

Then another bag. How many had they lost? One? Two? As people kept getting wheeled out Callie realized the odds of her not losing someone she loved deeply were slowly slimming to nil.

Mark came out blue faced and unresponsive by the look on the paramedic's face Callie could tell he was barely holding on. Webber looked to her to take on Mark but Callie simply looked at the ambulance bay and back at Webber shaking her head in silent refusal.

"I got it" Jackson piped up and darted off to chase down Mark's gurney.

Arizona was wheeled in last, despite looking like a barely mobile corpse she seemed to be smiling. She even made an attempt at lifting her head when the gurney got closer, but failed miserably.

"Callie!" she sighed sweetly as they met each other. Then without any further notice she simply went limp and passed out.

Richard and Alex stood in the bay waiting without saying a word, they watched as the herd of paramedics returned to their trucks. No one wanted to take in what was happening, but really they all knew. Process of elimination told them when Arizona came off the truck. There were two bags and five doctors accounted for. Lexie was in one of those bags.

The bodies had been pushed off to the side now and Alex went to one while the chief went to the other. The chief went first unzipping the bag just enough to see a face.

"The pilot" he announced to no one in particular.

Alex looked down at the bag in front of him. What was the point he questioned. It was clearly Lexie it's not like staring at her dead face was going to make her any less dead. But they all looked as if they were in need of the confirmation, so, for their sake, he did it. Unzipped the bag.

"balls, freakin' balls!" he muttered under his breath. "It's Lexie"

Callie could see from her bay where she'd been observing Arizona. She saw just enough to know that the body in that bag once belonged to Lexie, but it most certainly was not Lexie Grey. My God the damage was unimaginable. She turned her attention back to Arizona who was still unconscious and not responding to any stimulation.

Callie lifted the towel that had been covering her wife's legs and nearly fainted at the sight before her.

"Oh crap!" she gasped.

Just then Owen came charging around the corner like a NASCAR driver forcing himself to grab hold of the door frame in order to stop himself.

"I just spoke with Yang, she's going to be okay" he started. Then his eyes narrowed to Callie who was fist deep in Arizona's exposed femur trying to ensure the artery was clear and safe from any potential nics.

The problem was, the closer she got the more damage she'd see. They'd hooked her up to a machine and managed to stabilize her heart rate, but Arizona still wasn't waking up.

"Torres can I speak with you a minute" Owen demanded and Callie ignored.

"Get me the 3cm rods please" she asked an intern who just happened to be nearby as she spoke.

"Callie outside now!" Owen really did not like having to repeat himself.

She finally convinced herself to walk away, just long enough to tell Owen exactly where he could go. She didn't have time for conversations. Her mind just kept telling her first Arizona then Mark.

They stepped into the hall, not that it provided much in the way of secrecy, there was glass everywhere so they were plainly visible to most and on top of it all the unintended hostility taking over both their voices leant itself to loudness, so anyone within five paces of the front door could hear them.

"I know, you don't think I know how hard it is to walk away. I know Torres" Owen began. "But you cannot be in there, it's a clear conflict of interest and a violation of hospital policy. Meanwhile Mark's in OR three and you're needed in there right away. Kepner will keep you updated."

He said that last bit as if he just expected her to jump and clap like a trained seal.

"No" Callie's voice was firm and stern. Just that one word expressed exactly what she was thinking at the moment.

"Torres I said OR three NOW!" Owen shouted.

"And I said no" Callie shot back. "You have a conflict of interest; you can't be in there with Cristina. What I have is an all too convenient truth."

"What?" Owen questioned, his brow furrowing in perpetual confusion.

"I am not married, she is not my wife, at least not according to the state of Washington at the moment. She is my patient, just my patient like any other random stranger." Callie explained.

Owen grabbed her hand half to comfort and half to take back control of the situation.

"Torres, you and I both know that isn't true."

"Isn't it?" Callie questioned "seems like a nice little gray area to me"

Owen could see he wasn't going to win this battle, rather than eat up any more time arguing over semantics, he figured the best he could do was give her all the information he had.

"Cristina says her lungs are full up with liquid and blood and she's been coughing it up maybe for the past 24 hours. I'll go see what I can do about Mark."

With that minor distraction over and Callie emerging the victor, she went straight back to work. First came securing the femur, which, had Arizona been conscience, would have been mightily painful. Then came assessing the rest of the damage, of which, it turned out, there was plenty.

Callie found herself yelling at a nurse over the phone.

"Oh really, his hip is killing him? Well, I've got several people dying down here like literally from a plane crash!"

A short pause as the nurse tried to reason with her some more allowed Callie to catch her breath.

"What do you mean was it that crash? Of course it was that…tell Mr. Dillard he's going to have to reschedule. I need that OR like yesterday."

Another short pause.

"Then bump his ass!" Callie screeched.

At some point people were going to have to learn to stop telling Callie no. The way she was going it was likely to be some point today too.

She and a group of nurses and lower level residents each took a side of the gurney and sprinted down the hall with Arizona lying motionless, her skin barely returning to its normal color. OR twelve couldn't come soon enough.

"Someone page Altman" Callie ordered as they reached the doors.

The nurses looked up in confusion about what to do. They were all scared of receiving Callie's wrath. One brave soul finally had the courage to speak up.

"Dr. Altman was fired this morning" she squeaked barely loud enough to make out. "I hear she's on a plane to Virginia."

Callie wanted to be upset about Teddy being fired, but she couldn't get past the part about her being on a plane. Any plane.

"No more talk about planes, or flying, or trains, or transportation. Anything with wheels on it no one talks about in this OR" Callie instructed.

The femur was stable, but Callie couldn't do anything about the leg until they cleared the fluid from Arizona's lungs. A sudden spike in the heart monitor let Callie know she needed to act quickly. There was no Teddy, no Cristina, and no one else in cardio she trusted enough to let them crack her wife's chest open. Looking up at the clock Callie closed her eyes and swallowed hard. She had to do it, it had to be fixed.

"Syringe please; a big one" she ordered.


	4. Not a Contest I Want to Win

**AN**:Um...this chapter might upset some people. That's as much of a warning as I can give without giving too much away. Thank you for reading.

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Callie held the empty needle steady in her left hand while using her right hand to brace herself against the bed side. She rolled up Arizona's hospital gown and counted two spaces down from the crux of her arm pit. Closing her eyes one last time she shoved the needle into Arizona's side. She pushed down and watched as the needle filled and then spilled over with blood and fluids. She hated watching Arizona's body jolt up from the bed the first time she did it, but the ultrasound was showing there was still more liquid to be drained. What else could she do. She picked another 20 guage off of the tray and stuck it just slightly above the first puncture wound. This time it only filled three fourths of the way.

She then ordered a PE cocktail which would keep the fluid from building up again, but would also put Arizona out of commission for the rest of the day. No leg surgery today.

The difference between Callie's OR and the open areas of the hospital was astounding. The minute she stepped out of the room her world went from quiet focus to complete chaos. Meredith sat in a chair in a corner with her head wrapped in a protective bandage and her foot propped up. She'd been crying. Callie decided to go over and have a look at Meredith's foot. She didn't know how to say it with words all the time, but she figured the least she could do was step up and make sure the last Grey's foot was taken care of. She only got close enough to ask how Meredith was doing before Jackson yanked her away screaming about OR three.

"You have got to get in there like right now!" Jackson insisted. "He's coding."

Then it finally hit Callie, that sound was echoing in her ears once again. One solid unbroken note. She rushed in, tried to assess the situation, but it was too late. Mercifully, there would be no prolonged coma this time. Mark was gone; Callie had arrived too late.

Callie took her hands out of his chest where she'd been trying to alleviate the pressure from his cracked ribs pushing up against his heart. She somehow found it fitting that he literally died of a broken heart.

Pulling her gloves off, Callie moved to stroke Mark's cheek and brush some of the gunk out of his hair.

"You" she began trying and failing to hold back tears. "You were the best friend I always hoped I'd find" Everyone save for Jackson had now cleared out of the room. He stood patiently in the corner allowing Callie to have her moment.

"I think you knew, but just in case you never figured it out; you were a great man Mark Sloan" Callie said clearing her throat and walking away in disbelief. She walked out of the OR and back down the hall the way she came.

"Callie?" Meredith called after her causing Callie to turn around and face the patched of wreckage of a person that somewhat resembled Meredith Grey.

She sat in a chair next to Meredith's and leaned over to get a better look at her foot.

"How's your foot?" she asked, not really concerned about the response. Meredith seemed equally unconcerned about giving one.

"My foot's fine how is Mark?"

Callie simply looked up and shook her head, Meredith understood.

"Those last three toes are going to need to be wrapped nightly for at least a month" Callie suddenly ordered.

Callie poked at Meredith's toes for a bit, just to be sure there was no lasting nerve damage.

"And Arizona?" Meredith continued her line of questions.

Callie sighed. She knew Meredith was the first in a line of people that would have multiple questions ready by the hour expecting her to respond on command. But Meredith seemed nice enough she waited patiently as Callie took the time to gather herself.

"Coma" Callie was going to leave it there, but she could tell Meredith needed something to be positive about. "but we drained all the fluid from her lungs and uh put her on a cocktail so she should be breathing easier when she wakes up."

Meredith seemed to smile about that, she dared not ask about the leg. Even in the woods she could tell it wasn't going to be good, they all could. They both sighed in resignation and slouched into their chairs as if preparing themselves to slide onto the floor.

"You lost your sister today Grey." Callie blurted out the observation as if Meredith wasn't keenly aware of the fact herself.

"You just lost your daughter's father and your wife is in a coma; this is not a contest I want to win." Meredith moaned. "neither should you" she added before turning her head toward the wall and closing her eyes. She finally felt safe enough to fall asleep without worrying about her heart rate or Cristina slapping her in the face.

Callie found herself forcing her own hand into Arizona's as she sat opposite her wife's hospital bed. It wasn't the most comfortable position to sleep in, but it did the job. She hoped for Arizona to wake up, but also she hoped for Arizona to rest a bit longer. Just long enough for Callie to figure out how to tell her she was adding two more names to Arizona's list of departed friends and loved ones. She figured Teddy wouldn't be such a big deal, but Mark that was another story entirely. Callie had only started to absorb it herself, there was no way she could push the words out of her mouth in a way that even tried to make sense.

~~~~XX~~~~

Four days later when Arizona still wasn't awake and Callie was still sleeping in her hospital room clenching hold of an unresponsive hand the adrenaline of the moment had officially worn off. She checked Arizona's leg daily monitoring the infected areas. The necrosis was spreading and Owen all but demanded she find a way to fix it today or he would come in there and chop it off himself.

Alex and the crash survivors, it sounded like the name of a band, but it was just the descriptive term for Arizona's most frequent visitors. Cristina managed to convince Mayo to hold her spot until she fully recovered, which we all knew was code for until Arizona was out of the woods. Derek gave up his Harvard offer, even though Callie told him he'd be back in the OR in half a year. Half a year was six months too long for him and well, he also couldn't pull Meredith away. Meredith; who wallowed around the hospital barely aware of the reality around her felt it should be her punishment to stay like Atlas forced to bare the weight of the world for a crime no greater than mere survival.

They were all gathering around Arizona's hospital room to ensure her survival. They'd literally thrown every hospital resource, all their knowledge, and all of their connections at her. This included one cryptic moment when Meredith called Lexie hoping she could Lexipedia us a solution to the bacterial growth problem. None of it worked, so today was the day. Callie had finally convinced herself to do it. At this point the entire thing had to go so there would be little more than a stub.

"Book an OR" she called out to Alex who was stuck to her side like a bandage that had adhered too well.

But the resident hesitated. Callie knew he turned down Hopkins two days ago and now she was starting to understand why. At first she thought the last thing he'd want to do is stick around and face the guilt. Hell, half the time she even found it impossible to look at him without asking God why Arizona and not Alex. But now she could see, he wasn't going to be okay mentally unless Arizona was okay too.

"Karev book an OR" Callie shouted.

"I've been doing some reading and I think…" Alex was always sheepish when it came to his ideas and it made it all too easy for Callie to cut him off.

"No one cares about your book of the month selection Karev, book an OR now." Callie shook her head and headed to the wall phone to book the OR herself but was surprised to be cut off by Alex jumping ahead of her and using his hand to block access to the phone.

"You can save this leg" he insisted. "I've been doing some reading on your research and I swear Torres, it's ready. It's ready right freakin' now okay."

Callie watched as his eyes moved between hurried excitement and frantic pleading.

"You can save the leg" he repeated, still guarding the phone like a watch dog.

Alex was talking about Callie's cartilage research the myriad of tests and experiments that had all been successful in test tubes but would never make it to animal testing not to mention human experimentation. It was one thing to rapidly cool and then rapidly heat up a test tube, but an entirely different beast to try and do the same to something that lived and breathed and felt. It didn't matter though, his excitement had given Callie hope, or at least enough hope to ignore Owen Hunt for one more day.

Meredith and Derek had been discharged a day ago and Cristina almost immediately after being checked and wrapped up. Callie asked Baily to look after Sofia, but Derek insisted he and Meredith would be watching her until Callie felt comfortable to go home. Callie actually had to fight him on it. Cristina later explained that Sofia is his last connection to Mark. They'd sequestered themselves in the hospital library reading over and over every possible case study for relevant insights.

They'd been at it for five hours now with little to show for it. Alex had been eating a jelly donut and the filling oozed out and dripped onto the pages in front of him. He made no effort at all to hide this from the librarian.

"We could use a mold" Cristina offered up. "That would hold the proper form while the heated liquid cooled."

Callie thought about it for a minute, but then realized that did nothing to solve the real problem.

"How are we going to cool it down after heating it to well over 500 degrees? There's no way to do it without freezing her to death."

With that they all went back to digging. There had to be a way, they just hadn't found it yet. Maybe half an hour later Alex looked up from his stack of papers, another jelly donut in hand.

"dude, liquid nitrogen" he declared with a satisfied grin.

It seemed fairly simple really, so simple in fact that Cristina wondered why she hadn't thought of it herself. They'd heat the formula in order to change the bonding then poor it into a mold to achieve the appropriate structure, and also to protect any outside tissue. Then, once they were sure it would hold, they'd use a liquid nitrogen gun to target the super-cooling without affecting any other part of the body. Given Arizona's level of necrosis, Callie figured they would need to do this at least three time to rebuild the cartilage and ligaments she'd lost. Then, if that worked, they could use a skin graft to replace the lost tissue.

Cristina was still technically recovering so she couldn't be in the OR, but she made sure we could hear her from the gallery once we were prepped and ready.

There was a silent countdown going on, a silent count down because if the surgery went badly they'd all be out of a job and out of our chosen careers, and even if the surgery went well they might still be out of jobs and out of a career. Still Callie and Alex forged ahead while Cristina barked orders from the gallery. Alex made sure the chart read as an amputation so that they were less likely to be disturbed. It wouldn't help them for long, at some point someone was going to come and check on her only to realize that there had been no amputation.

"Circulation looks good Karev" Callie observed while peeling back the bandages to prep and clean the infected area. "get the first batch ready to go."


	5. Running Out of Fairytales

**AN**:No real warning here, just a cute chapter before everything gets a little crazy, or at least I think it's cute. Thank you for reading.

* * *

At three weeks they started to see signs the surgery had worked. The new cartilage was holding up and the fracture was healing appropriately. Callie had Nurse Tyler change Arizona's bandages and dressings twice a day. She specifically picked Nurse Tyler because after much deliberation she determined there was no other nurse that hadn't hit on Arizona at some point. She still wasn't awake though and that worried Callie a lot. Yes because the longer she was out the less likely she was to recover, but also because their last moments together were so full of tension. Callie just hoped they'd get the chance to have other moments.

Derek had taken on the role of temporary stay-at-home dad. Just until his hand was back to 100 percent, or at least that's what he told everyone. As part of his new role he'd decided that neither Zola or Sofia belonged in the hospital daycare. The only time Callie got to see Sofia during the day was at her lunch break when Derek would swing by with the two girls and give a daily report of their activities.

"I think" Derek began as he strolled into the cafeteria with Sofia in a stroller and Zola at his side. "I think I just taught them the alphabet."

Meredith had been officially back to work, well newly back as a general surgery fellow, for the past week. Cristina came back around the same time after being bribed into staying by Baily who promised to give her the sparkle pager even though it was for residents only. They all watched eagerly as Derek sang and Zola and Sofia made gurgled auditory responses in time with his rhythmic tune.

It wasn't exactly the alphabet, but it was close enough to be something; something Arizona would have wanted to see. Callie reached over and grabbed Sofia out of the stroller.

"Hey my little Robinette, my little song bird" She watched as Sofia's face lit up with glee. She liked being called Robinette so much Callie was afraid they'd have to change her name.

Callie turned Sofia toward Cristina and held her hand up to assist her in waving hello.

"Hey chicken-face" Cristina teased before turning back to her food. She and Sofia had bonded one night when Callie had to leave her at Cristina's because Meredith and Derek needed to be alone. Or more accurately Derek was having a moment. By the time Callie came by to pick her up Cristina had her hair styled in a faux-hawk and was letting Sofia play with life-size models of anatomically correct body parts.

"Your kids got a thing for lady parts" she'd explained while pointing to Sofia who was working on putting a vaginal diagram back together. Callie could thank Mark for that no doubt, he'd always read to her from plastic surgery journals and show her mock-ups of surgeries he'd completed successfully.

But she would never let on to liking anything other than surgery at work, so instead Cristina ignored her even when Sofia cutely outstretched her hands as if expecting Cristina to grab hold of her. Meanwhile Meredith smiled and played with Zola, letting the little girl eat most of the food off her tray, or at least the things that didn't require much chewing. Then it was time for them to go, not because lunch was over, but because Derek couldn't stand being in the hospital longer than ten minutes a day at this point.

"How is Arizona doing?" Meredith asked.

She'd require daily updates from Callie who happily obliged. Normally she would have been upset but with Alex and the crash survivors, they were like a family of misfits now, all looking out for each other.

"Leg is recovering well, no sign of rejection. Lungs are functioning well but um…" Callie trailed off this last bit was beyond her to explain. They'd done everything right so why hadn't she woken up yet.

"Arizona's still in a coma" Cristina finished.

Callie really couldn't deal with thinking about it. Thinking about it meant trying to deal with the fact that she put her career on the line and broke federal regulations to save her wife. Not only her career but the careers of her friends. It was only a matter of time before Owen or someone higher up in the hospital figured it out and booted every single last one of them. Not only that, she was suddenly dealing with the guilt of the choice she made on that very first day. Owen told her to go to Mark and she ignored him, maybe if she'd gone sooner Mark would be here. It was an impossible position to be in, having to choose between her best friend and her wife. She chose Arizona and some day she felt she was going to have to answer for that. Until then though, Arizona had to wake up, this all had to be worth it.

~~~~XX~~~~

"You're just doing this to screw with me" Alex mumbled under his breath at Arizona's motionless body.

"I freakn got your stupid wife to fix your leg and now you won't even wake up" he said that part just a bit louder, loud enough for Callie to hear as she entered the room.

"Hey!" she warned.

"What? Your wife's being a bitch and I need to vent." Alex tried to justify.

Alex got up in a huff of frustration irritated that Arizona hadn't suddenly willed herself awake at his words of encouragement. Callie took over his spot next to Arizona's bed side. She leaned in and stroked Arizona's hair.

"There's so much I need to tell you, so much has happened" Callie whispered. "I need you; I can't keep going like this on my own."

Callie let the words sink in, it was the first time she'd actually admitted it out loud.

"Sofia needs you too cause I haven't told her yet. I can't even say it myself and I went to the funeral. You have to tell her. You were always better with words." Callie was trying to keep it together, but she needed someone to respond to her, this was usually the point where Arizona would place her hand over Callie's and let her cry on her shoulder. But, as it were, Arizona was barely even there to hold onto. She thought about the one time she tried to go back to the apartment and how she'd watched in horror as Sofia reached out toward her father's door. She thought about how she spent the next two hours coaxing the little girl into sleep to keep her from crying never once mentioning that daddy wasn't there anymore.

Callie looked at Arizona lying in bed looking like sleeping beauty. She thought of all the bedtime stories she'd been reading Sofia.

"I'm running out of fairytales" she told Arizona who simply remained motionless.

They had literally tried everything and nothing was working, so in a final effort Callie turned her hopes toward magic. She brushed a few tears out of the way and leaned in further before softly kissing Arizona's lips. They felt cold and foreign at first, but a second later Callie was wrapped up in the familiarity. She saw a shadow flash by and it startled her away from the kiss. Had it worked? Was she back? No, still the same limp motionless form as before, but now with traces of Callie's lip gloss on her face. Callie got up to walk away as irritated as Alex had been a moment ago when he did the same.

~~~~XX~~~~

"TORRES!" Owen shouted, his voice booming and echoing all the way down the hall to the nurse's station where Baily and Callie had been chatting.

"Ooh, Hunt Mad! Hunt Smash!" Baily mocked, conjuring up images of a giant green monster.

"How could you do this, do you even realize what you've done?" Owen demanded his questions coming with little pause in between.

"Do I realize? I know exactly what I did. Did you think her leg just miraculously healed itself? I know it every second of every day because I fixed it, I fixed her damn leg and threw my career away in the process and now she won't even wake up." Callie hadn't realized how loud she'd allowed her voice to become, but they'd apparently attracted onlookers.

Owen threw his hands up in exhaustion.

"I should fire you." He exploded, but Callie seemed ready to accept it, what other choice did he have after all.

"Then fire me" she said it in a way that let him know she was okay with it.

"I can't" Owen countered. "We have no one in Ortho and no money for new hires and besides that firing you means firing Cristina."

Callie looked up and studied his face. They had a sort of big brother/kid sister bond that lent itself to Owen often lecturing her about her seemingly reckless behavior. Most people would assume they disliked each other, but most people would be wrong.

"What are you saying?" Callie implored.

"I'm saying go home and don't set foot in this hospital until I've figured out a way to fix this retroactively. "

That was it? Really? She'd been expecting much worse. She expected to be ripped apart and taken to task for her horribly unprofessional actions. But instead, a slap on the wrist. She just got away with Franken-surgery half out of necessity and half because Owen was too involved to ever risk hurting Cristina. Why look a gift horse in the mouth though, this was a good thing, or at least good so far.

Callie was ready to go home. She was absolutely ready to pack up and leave, but the thought of not being able to see Arizona until Owen gave her the okay, that thought ate her up inside. She decided to have one more go at it. Maybe she could find something to say that would get through to her and push her out of whatever perpetual in-between place she'd been stuck in for the past several weeks. She entered the room trying to think of what she would say, how she would say it. Nothing seemed right. They'd already said so much. Then Callie remembered something. It was a silly bet that she never thought Arizona would win, but here she was winning it.

Arizona had playfully wrestled away Callie's cell phone and they got into a not-so-serious wrestling match while Callie tried pointlessly to retrieve it.

"Are you actually going to keep it from me?" Callie questioned shocked that Arizona hadn't already handed it over.

"You have been texting up a storm all week. The only way I'm giving it back is if you admit that I'm right, you're addicted to texting, and I'm awesome" Arizona smiled at the thought of Callie saying that last part. Then rolled over so that she was on top of Callie. They kissed, but Callie refused to be swayed.

"Well, those are three sentences that are never coming out of my mouth." Callie teased.

Arizona managed to keep Callie's phone hidden for the better part of twelve hours, but then Mark spotted it in the one place they both knew Callie would never look. It was sort of funny watching her dump out the dirty diaper bin to get to her phone.

That memory seemed so far away now with Mark gone and Arizona inactive the way she was. Callie took hold of her hand.

"I'm going to have to go for a while, but I want you to know I love you, whatever I did, it was because I love you" She smiled and then added "and you're awesome"

It was just slight, but Callie could have sworn she felt Arizona squeeze her hand back. She shook it off as just a muscle twitch. No sense in getting her hopes up, she was a surgeon, she knew better. But then her eyes fluttered and she felt her hand squeeze again.

"Arizona?" Callie questioned looking up to see two pale blue eyes staring back at her.

"What did you say?" Arizona asked. Her voice tired and cracking.

Callie could barely pull herself together long enough to answer the question. She leaned in and kissed her again happy to receive the kiss back as much as Arizona could return it.

"You're awesome" Callie repeated and kissed her lips again. "you are so incredibly awesome."


	6. I Missed You

**AN**:I rewrote this chapter a few times, which I've never had to do before. Still a bit frustrated with it but, hopefully it does the trick. Final warning drama and lots of it in the next few chapters. Thank you for reading.

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Callie was busy making calls, first to Arizona's parents then paging Alex and the crash survivors. The colonel didn't seem to show much in the way of emotion, at least not anything Callie could read over the phone. He just thanked Callie and confirmed that they'd be coming up for the weekend sometime next month. Callie was so busy making calls she didn't notice Arizona had pulled her sheets off out of pure curiosity. She'd paged everyone she could think of and was sure they'd be stampeding the room like a happy parade of elephants in no time.

"Callie" Arizona called out, her voice still warn and groggy.

She was looking down at her legs in pure confusion. She was sure the left one was gone She'd settled on that fact almost immediately. So now, to see both of her legs still intact, though one was bandaged and scared, the fact that it was even still there was beyond her comprehension.

"Callie" she called out again, this time a bit more panicked.

"Baby?" Callie finally answered turning around to see Arizona's shocked face staring down at two perfectly functional legs.

"My leg" Arizona muttered out, still confused. "How did you…what…how did you save my leg?"

Callie froze at the question. She didn't know where to begin. The last time Arizona got involved in the details of one of Callie's surgeries she got so upset she needed to hop on a plane to forget about it. What would she do if she knew about all the choices Callie made that lead up to that leg being saved? Callie opened her mouth to try and speak but found the words were failing her. Luckily, she didn't have to wait long. Before she was forced to say anything Alex came rushing into the room with far too much speed.

He managed to pull himself to a stop and brush himself off, aimlessly attempting to hide his pure excitement.

"you're awake?" He asked as if he needed her personal confirmation to be sure.

"apparently" Arizona smiled trying her best to insert some cheer into her still tired voice.

Alex stepped back and just stared, silently admiring his work.

"We freakin saved that leg!" he whispered to Callie, slapping her shoulder a bit too vigorously.

"We did." Callie smiled back.

Before long everyone was crowding the room smiling to themselves and not saying much at all. They all acted as if they were aware of some inside joke Arizona was not allowed to know about. Then finally a collective sigh of relief let out. It was finally over, the damage, the physical loss, it was over now. Sure there was all that emotional crap to contend with, but at least now they could stop waiting to add more to the pile.

Owen had secretly stepped into the room, patiently waiting for Callie to acknowledge his presence. This though, was a time for everyone to celebrate, especially Callie, and Owen wanted to respect that. Once she saw him she knew her celebration was over. Pushing her way past Meredith and Cristina, Callie met Arizona's gaze again. She brushed her wife's cheek and smiled.

"I gotta go" she whispered, kissing Arizona's cheek one last time.

Arizona looked confused "Wait, why?" she demanded feeling Callie's hand slip away. "Callie wait. Where are you going?"

Callie couldn't answer, instead she just kissed Arizona's hand and repeated "I love you, I have to go."

Cristina could see Arizona was on the verge of panic and tears, she knew what was happening and she knew why Callie couldn't talk about it just then.

"Hey, Derek is bringing Sofia by any minute now so we should probably get you cleaned up." Cristina announced.

For Arizona, the thought of seeing her daughter was enough of a distraction to keep her from trying to figure out what the hell was going on. She hadn't figured out how long she'd been out but she hoped Sofia would still remember her.

~~~~XX~~~~

After two weeks of therapy Arizona was able to get up and guide herself to the bathroom with the help of a walker. Alex often tried to help her, but she'd just shove him away and ask why Callie wasn't stopping by. By the fourth week she was walking up and down the hall with little assistance other than a cane. The speed of her recovery was so remarkable, she was beginning to attract an audience. Arizona knew it was a miracle she'd survived, but she really was having trouble understanding why everyone stopped and stared at her every time she passed by. She even caught Alex snapping pictures of her as she walked. By the fifth week Arizona was irritated and back to her usual perky but bossy self, making her way down the hall with only a slight limp and checking on patients that weren't technically hers yet.

"Robbins, you haven't been discharged yet." Owen reminded her after catching Arizona doing Alex's rounds.

"Minor technicality" she dismissively quipped before turning back to her newly acquired patient.

Owen shook his head in utter amusement and disbelief. He wanted to be upset but he couldn't help realizing he was looking at a miracle. Just then, as he watched Arizona scurry around the room as if nothing was wrong at all, he realized exactly how he could fix things. He'd fix it and get some positive press for the hospital in the process, and lord knows they needed it.

"You can go home now Robbins" he announced.

"What?" Arizona shot around and shook her head as if she'd misheard him.

"you're out of your room more than you're in it. I see no reason why you shouldn't be at home." Owen Explained.

"Well" Arizona smiled. "Yay!"

She was excited, she was. But she was also very upset. She had not seen Callie in over five weeks. Sure Callie called her every hour on the hour. But she just left that day and never looked back. Never once explaining why she wasn't coming to the hospital anymore. No one Arizona spoke to would fill in the gaps for her either. Alex would just say that Callie had her reasons, Derek would simply remind her to focus on the positive, he'd apparently adopted a new Zen life philosophy. Sofia, when Arizona got the chance to see her, wasn't saying much either. Other than making the cutest little baby noises and biting her lip whenever Arizona asked her about Momma Callie.

~~~~XX~~~~

Whatever Callie wasn't saying over the phone Arizona was excited to have the opportunity to get it out face to face. They were going to talk about it, that was the plan. Arizona felt the anticipation building up inside of her as she knocked on the door. But then Callie answered, and she was so pretty and so breath-taking Arizona forgot everything she'd planned to say and just kissed her right away.

"Hello to you too" Callie teased while stepping out of the way to let Arizona in. She quickly shut the door behind them not wanting to bare the sight of Mark's apartment door for any longer than was necessary. She could barely manage coming home every day. When she felt Arizona was ready, Callie decided she needed to talk to Arizona about finding a new place to stay.

But for now Arizona was kissing her and Callie was kissing her back.

"where's Sofia?" Arizona hurriedly questioned.

"sleeping" Callie whispered, her lips hovering over Arizona's ear.

"I missed you" Arizona whispered back between kisses, repeating the phrase after every embrace.

"I missed you" she said while peeling Callie's clothes off. "I missed you" while walking her way to the bedroom.

Every time she wondered if Callie really understood what she meant. She needed to know, after everything that had happened, what could possibly make it that easy for Callie to walk away for five weeks without anything more than a handful of phone calls a day.

Callie was wrapped up in the excitement of having Arizona back to her, she couldn't possibly begin to explain how difficult it was staying away, not saying anything, going over all her choices in her head with no one to talk her down from the internal insanity. But they were in bed now, their bed, and Callie was all about making love to her wife after almost three months of not being able to do anything other than hold her hand.

~~~~XX~~~~

Just what the hell is going on was all Callie could manage to think as she walked into the staff meeting room where Owen sat at the head of the table. A hospital administrator sat to his right and Teddy sat at his left. Why had she been called in here? What the hell was going on?

"Have a seat doctor Torres" Owen began. "As you know a few weeks ago you performed a successful experimental surgery on a patient which resulted in unprecedented generation of viable cartilage tissue."

Owen paused to clear his throat, the way someone might if their food had gone down the wrong way. It was a short pause, but it gave Callie time to consider the ambiguity of his words. He intentionally avoided the patient's name, intentionally avoided mentioning that the surgery was unapproved. Did Teddy know all of these things? Was he waiting for Callie to fill in the gaps? What was Teddy even doing there, didn't she quit? Callie's brow furrowed in confusion as she waited for an explanation.

"On my initiative, the results of your work were forwarded to the army surgeon general who has expressed great interest in furthering your research."

If she wasn't confused before, Callie was definitely perplexed now. She had no idea what Owen had done or why he did it. Her hair, which often served as the personification of her mood, was beginning to limp from the heat of the lights overhead. This resulted in a confusion of thick loosely curled hair which only grew straighter as time passed. She tried to stay focused, but nothing was adding up and it didn't help that Arizona was right down the hall. They'd passed each other when Callie was on her way in and Callie was worried. Arizona was in her pink bubble again, putting on a fake smile as she greeted Callie, chirping a little too chirpily; but there was no time to talk about it. Before Callie could mention anything Arizona was jetting off to a surgery. Still, the less sense Owen made, the easier it became for Callie to drift off into endless worries about her wife, about their daughter, about the future.

Teddy started to smile as Owen droned on about army amputees and battlefield injuries. Callie was beginning to understand exactly what was going on. This was it, Owen's big cover-up; the master-plan that was meant to bring Callie back to work. This surgery needed to not be a sign of preferential treatment or a lapse in professionalism on the hospital's part.

The hospital administrator turned her attention to Callie.

"Dr. Torres, this report says you received government funding for experimental status surgery on April 12th." She explained. "Is that your signature?" She questioned.

Callie stared at the paper before her. It wasn't her signature at all, it wasn't her report, this never happened. She looked up at Owen whose eyes focused in on her, then Teddy who seemed to be silently begging her to accept the lie. It was just a small lie, not like it would hurt anyone after all.

Callie swallowed hard, finally accepting the charade.

"Yes, that looks like my signature"

Owen breathed a visible sigh of relief as the administrator seeming satisfied packed up her things and left the room.

"Teddy, perhaps you'll want to discuss those consent forms with Dr. Torres now." Owen announced once the administrator was a safe distance away. He then pushed himself away from the table as if he couldn't bare the sight of it.

Teddy smiled reassuringly at Callie who was busy fighting the feeling of relief growing inside her, she didn't want to believe it was over just yet.

"You're going to save a lot of lives" she began. "Maybe they would have lived without this, but with this, we've got a chance to bring more troops home whole, at least physically." Teddy could tell Callie was still bothered by what they had to do to make it happen.

They walked over to the one window in the room that was actually facing the outdoors. Callie stared out at the trees and the sunlight shining through the clouds onto the hospital parking lot.

"Tell me we're doing the right thing" Callie croaked, her voice still suffering the residual effects of her confused state.

"This isn't about you or me" Teddy explained. "This is about thousands upon thousands of troops and the possibility, the now very real possibility, that they can come home on their own two feet and hug their families with their own two arms after…" Teddy trailed off thinking of all the injuries she'd seen war indiscriminately inflict upon soldiers who were just following orders. "If the US government says permission was given on April 12th, it was given on April 12th."

Callie could see the smile growing again on Teddy's face. She'd been away for a while now and Callie could see MEDCOM had done her a world of good. If getting away from Seattle Grace could put a smile like that on Teddy's face, Callie figured she and Arizona needed the world's longest vacation. Teddy found her way back to the table and retrieved a folder full of papers.

"The head of Ortho at MEDCOM says you're flawless. We already started animal testing. If all goes well we're aiming for full scale implementation in two years." Teddy handed the file over to Callie "But I'll need you to sign these and get them back to me by the end of the day."

Then they both just stood there for a while looking back out at the window and taking in the beauty of the day, of the moment. Then Teddy saw Callie exhale slowly, she decided maybe Callie needed some alone time.

"I'm going to see if I can't find Arizona and say hi" she announced before heading to the door.

"Wait" Callie called after her. Teddy paused, her hand resting against the door knob.

"Thank you" Callie finished, her own smile growing from meek to bright and fully present.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona leaned against the nurse's station, she was fatigued but she didn't want anyone treating her like a patient on her first day back to work. She had to suck it up and drive on. But she couldn't keep Alex from noticing. He was on her like a hawk, all the time. He wasn't even her resident anymore but apparently that mattered not at all.

"You should take a break, sick babies will still be sick ten minutes from now" he offered, giving Arizona the opportunity to admire his gentle way with words.

"Nope, I'm good." Arizona insisted plastered smile across her face.

After some back-and-forth she managed to get Alex to walk away. She drew in a deep breath trying not to let all the unspoken pressure get to her. Her hand trembled as she lowered it to her lab coat pocket and retrieved the prescription pills Callie had written for her. She observed the label take once every four hours/ no more than eight per 24 hour period. Arizona felt confident that she'd so far only been at six a day. She pulled the top off and popped pill number five for the day into her mouth. She didn't want to think about how she'd make it through the rest of the day with only one more pill.


	7. Just Having a Moment

**AN**:No real warning or comment other than the one I posted to the previous chapter, it definitely applies here.

* * *

"I am having the best day!" Arizona announced as she rolled into the attending lounge causing Baily and Callie to stare in complete bewilderment.

"What? Why does everyone keep staring at me?" Arizona begged. She got it, she really did, they were all expecting Peggy the peg-legged pirate and instead she's back to her normal self, save for a few scars that would only be noticed if she ever chose to wear shorts again. But seriously, the staring had to stop, she was beginning to feel violated.

Callie couldn't concentrate she saw those things on Arizona's feet and her mind went blank. For a moment she and Baily shared a knowing look and then Callie just let it out.

"Take them off" She ordered a perplexed Arizona.

"Take what off?" Arizona shot back "Honey, Baily's still in the room this is not the time for…"

Callie was not amused by Arizona's bubbly sarcasm. "I am serious take those things off your feet now Arizona"

Callie was staring down at Arizona's wheelie sneakers with an unprecedented level of disdain.

"Okay fine, but you're just being paranoid" Arizona declared while kicking her shoes off. "This leg has your scalpel magic all over it. It's solid, I can feel it!"

After she changed her shoes and grabbed her lab coat Arizona skipped out of the room humming to herself.

Callie didn't know what to think, that was just odd, even for Arizona that was odd.

"She's too peppy right" Callie inquired of Baily "Even for her that was way too much pep."

Baily tilted her head as if giving it some thought, then shook it off with the standard Baily logic.

"She just cheated death, seems like a good enough reason to be peppy to me."

~~~~XX~~~~

Meredith was happy to be back at the hospital, really she was, but possibly less happy that Owen had been pressuring her to give a return date for Derek. Dr. Nelson was a great surgeon but people expected Derek. Derek, who kept insisting that his hand wasn't ready. Meredith knew better. This wasn't about his hand, this was about Lexie. He had convinced himself he was responsible for Lexie's death. She was only on that flight because Derek thought it would be a good learning experience for her. Meredith could plainly see his hand, Callie had worked a miracle on it. Derek could be in the hospital if he wanted to, he just didn't want to.

She pushed the prep room door open to see that Arizona was bracing herself against the sink

"You okay" Meredith asked trying like hell to hold eye contact even though Arizona's face wasn't exactly welcoming at the moment.

"I'm fine" Arizona's voice was calm but cold, she really wished people would stop asking her that. She left the prep room pushing her hands over her head the way she'd learned to after years of jogging. She and Meredith had an hour long surgery ahead of them and she really couldn't deal if she was going to be stared at like a bearded lady the entire time. She pushed her way out of the prep room and back out to the hall. Pulling her pill bottle out of her pants pocket, Arizona shook her head, she was disappointed in herself. This would be pill number seven for the day. Technically, she could take up to eight a day according to the bottle. But, according to Callie she only needed six so, yeah she was disappointed. She downed the pill, dry no less, then pushed her way back into the scrub room.

Meredith was beginning to see a pattern with Arizona, just because she said she was fine, it did not actually mean she was fine. And she so clearly was not fine right now. They met up again in the OR where Meredith tried to level the tension with polite small talk.

"Derek really misses Sofia" she started "He bought her a dress"

Arizona's eyes shot up in amusement "Derek Shepherd bought a dress?" she questioned, completely baffled.

Meredith paused for a second while trying to recall the memory of seeing Derek coming home from the mall with two Nordstrom's bags in hand.

"A little black and blue thing with butterflies" Meredith explained.

"black and blue? Callie would approve" Arizona quipped. Arizona paused for a minute to consider her words before asking the question she was sure Meredith had been getting all day for at least a week now. She watched Meredith's hands move skillfully resecting the patient's large intestine as if the surgery had been hardwired into her.

"Do you think he'll come back?" Arizona finally asked.

"I don't know" Meredith admitted "I don't know anything anymore."

They didn't speak for a while, they just moved between observing and cutting until it was finally time to close. Meredith really wasn't a resident anymore, she handled everything without even once asking Arizona's input. It was impressive given the difficulty of any surgery involving the large intestine.

"Derek" Arizona spoke up as they were closing. "He's just having a moment, he'll snap out of it eventually."

"I know" Meredith assured her. "Moments are okay to have sometimes."

Meredith said that last part in a way that let Arizona know she was talking about her.

~~~~XX~~~~

"You did this!" Callie screeched while shaking a piece of paper in Owen's face. Her words leveling an accusation that Owen had been preparing himself for all day.

"You did THIS!" Callie repeated, her hand smacking against the paper still angered and still seeking an explanation.

"Torres, you did the impossible. You deserve all the accolades being thrown at you." His words were kind but dismissive as if there were no real issue at all. Callie thought over his words and decided that he really meant the hospital deserved the accolades and not necessarily her.

"Get me off this list Hunt" Callie demanded.

The list she was referring to? It was a newly published short list for the Harper Avery Award. Sure, Callie wanted to win a Harper Avery, what surgeon didn't, but not for this surgery; not this way. She ran her fingers through her hair trying without success to get away from the feeling of being hopelessly trapped in a lie.

"Arizona is my wife, they are going to figure that out and then…" Callie could barely get the words out before Owen jumped in happily throwing Callie's own words back in her face.

"I don't know, is she?" He questioned raising an eyebrow. "Seems like a nice little gray area to me."

By lunch time Callie was in a full on panic. Awards meant publicity, and press, and speeches. Beyond her general aversion to public speaking, an aversion which was already causing her stomach to turn in on itself, Callie was mostly afraid of the press and attention it would bring to Arizona. Arizona, the beautiful perky blond doctor with no idea at all what Callie had done for her. She seriously thought Callie had found some impossible way to save her leg using what was there. But there was nothing there, nothing at all. Now, their little science experiment seemed to be working, but it hadn't been tested. There was no telling what might happen next, Arizona was the beta test, the first prototype and they were all watching her with anticipation waiting for her leg to randomly disintegrate in front of their eyes.

"You gotta tell her" Alex insisted, slamming his food tray onto the table and causing everyone else's food to bounce and roll from the vibration.

"I know" Callie reluctantly admitted.

"Maybe you won't win" Cristina offered. She grabbed the now crumpled piece of paper away from Callie. "See look, Preston Burk, Colin Marlow, Maggie Stone, and then there's you." Cristina went back to sipping her tea satisfied with her observation.

"They're clearly going for Cardio, you're just on there for diversity" she added.

Alex had more self-satisfying motives in mind.

"look, you being on that list, means I'm technically on there too. You know what that sort of thing could do for me?" Callie watched and waited as Alex took an angry bite out of his apple. His brown tufts of hair sticking out in some random order that served to highlight his careless mood.

"Tell Robbins, she'll bitch about it at first but so what, she's always bitchy."

"Hey!" Callie protested in Arizona's honor.

Secretly, she knew Alex was right; she needed to just tell Arizona everything and hope for her standard reaction, which while off-putting generally amounted to a blast of sound and fury signifying nothing at all.

~~~~XX~~~~

After her surgery with Meredith, Arizona decided to call it an early day and spend the rest of her day bonding with Sofia. It seemed like, in the months Arizona had been locked away in a hospital room, her little girl had grown so much. But the minute she finally saw her that first day Sofia's face lit up like a candle glowing with joy. She recognized her right away and let out a stream of excited baby-babble which Arizona decided to translate as "I miss you".

As they approached the door Arizona felt Sofia squirming and shifting in her stroller. Callie warned her that had been happening, but she didn't think it would go on this long after the fact. Sofia wanted her daddy, the little girl didn't understand why she couldn't just hop across the hall any more. Arizona bent down to greet the little girl's eyes. She had Callie's eyes, and Callie's hair. But that face, everything about Sofia's face said Mark Sloan. She lifted her keys and moved her fingers over the spare Mark had given her for just-in-case purposes. He was gone, but Arizona figured this qualified.

"Come on Sofia, let's go see daddy" she declared shifting the stroller so that Sofia was no facing the threshold of Mark's door.

They walked in and Arizona was immediately overwhelmed with memories, some good and some not so good. She paused at a spot on the floor.

"This is where I helped your sister give birth" Arizona smiled at the memory of the look on Mark's face holding his grandson, even if it didn't last long. "You haven't met her yet, but maybe someday you will."

They walked over to the dining table and Arizona had to take a breath at the sight of Sofia's high chair. Mark had rearranged his entire apartment so that he could have space to eat dinner and breakfast with her. She guessed that morning he'd been feeding her Cheerios because they were still scattered about her feeding tray and Arizona could just make out where Mark had taken a few cheerios and spelled out "I Love You". She got it now, why Callie was having so much trouble approaching this subject. She was supposed to be the strong one and she could barely keep it together by now.

"Damn it Mark" she sighed. "you were supposed to be here".

Sofia crawled her way over to a counter where Mark had placed a picture of them sleeping together. Arizona picked it up.

"Your daddy loves you, he's not here to tell you anymore but I want you to know it. You were the best thing that ever happened to him."

Arizona picked the picture up off of the counter and placed Sofia back in her stroller. She moved back toward the door, taking in the apartment one last time.

"Say bye to Daddy Sofia" Arizona instructed and then watched her daughter lift her hand and wave bye to an empty room.

"goodbye Mark" she whispered closing the door behind them.

Back at their apartment Arizona placed Mark's picture on the dresser next to Sofia's crib. Here, she could see her dad whenever she felt like, or at least that's what Arizona hoped. She put Sofia down in the living room and watched her crawl around occasionally using the coffee table to brace herself so that she could take a few steps. When did this happen? They'd been told, because of the circumstances of her birth, Sofia might experience some developmental delays. So, when she wasn't walking by twelve months, they all took it in stride. Arizona tried to remember if she'd ever seen Sofia do it before, nothing came to mind.

""Oh, my sweet girl" Arizona cheered. "You are full of surprises today" she declared before picking her daughter up and kissing her cheek.

They were relaxing into the day now, and Arizona felt relieved to just be with Sofia, the one person who seemed not to be putting any pressure on her. But then the phone rang, she should have known it was too good to be true.

"Arizona?" Callie's voice called from the other end. "We need to talk."

* * *

**AN**: Thanks again to anyone who is reading. I really enjoy your comments and feedback.


	8. May 5th

**AN**:Got into a car accident and I'm feeling a little down, so I'm posting this early to cheer myself up. It's mostly a happy chapter, but of course drama is coming.

* * *

It was well past daylight by the time Callie got in. Arizona imagined she'd spent some time at Joe's again trying pointlessly to stuff her thoughts into a bottle. Nothing good could come from the phrase "we need to talk". In her head Arizona imagined Callie might have found out about her upping her dosage. She was still well within the bounds of recommended daily usage, though she pushed that border further with each passing day.

When Callie finally found her way back to the apartment, reluctantly dragging her feet one behind the other as if protesting their entry, she was greeted by Arizona's smiling face. It was her attempt at hiding her trepidation.

"I've been short listed for the Harper Avery Award" Callie blurted out giving little thought to any prefacing statement.

Arizona jumped up from her seated position, relieved that it wasn't what she thought it was.

"That's fantastic" she gleefully cheered giving Callie a kiss. "you've…we have to celebrate" she declared while darting off to the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of wine stopping only after she noticed the sullen look on her wife's face.

"You should be happy about this; this is a good thing."

Callie could do nothing but stare at the wall in front of her, not even daring to look Arizona in the eye.

"Arizona you should sit down"

Arizona saw the disheveled mess of a floppy ponytail Callie had her hair styled in. It was usually a sign that she was under a lot of stress. She wanted nothing more than to pull her hair-tie out and help her relax. She could handle the press, or she'd force herself to handle the press. She wanted to be proud of Callie, proud that she was finally getting the recognition she deserved.

"Your leg was gone" Callie began. "It was so badly deteriorated, there was no muscle left to use, no cartilage to rebuild with."

Arizona nodded her understanding.

"But you did it, you found a way" Arizona reassured her, but Callie wasn't done.

"We waited, but it just…I couldn't just chop off your leg"

This was more than they'd ever talked about the surgery before. Arizona sat down, glass of wine in hand. She could see whatever Callie had been holding back was really starting to get to her.

"But it's okay now" Arizona repeated her reassurance.

"It's not okay" Callie was crying now. "We…I couldn't do it so I used an untested synthetic to regenerate your cartilage" Callie finished.

Arizona pulled her hand away from Callie's she couldn't help it. The complete truth was just now starting to come in to focus for her.

"This is…how could you possibly do this to me? I am your wife, how could you do this?"

They sat in silence for a while staring at each other, both of them too afraid to speak. Callie still couldn't look Arizona in the eye, but she managed to hear her swiveling her wine around the glass. Callie imagined she had to be wishing for a cigarette. Another few minutes passed and Arizona took a giant gulp of wine.

"I'm sorry" Callie whispered, her voice begging for forgiveness.

"You turned me into a lab rat, you don't get to be sorry" Arizona shot her down.

She watched as Callie started to get up with the same defeated look in her eyes that had been there only two other times. Both of those times, Callie thought it was over between them. Arizona couldn't let her walk away thinking that. She closed her eyes and remembered the night before the plane crash and how Callie had done everything possible to be there for her. Then she remembered what she was thinking just before the plane went down, how all she wanted to do was erase it all and let Callie coax her into staying home that night.

"Wait" Arizona called out.

Callie turned, finally ready to face her.

"I'm not mad at you" Arizona explained. "I am mad at the situation, but I would have done the same thing so, I am not mad at you".

Callie felt reassured, but she could see Arizona needed the space to think things over, to not feel crowded or rushed for further communication. With other people Callie would have stayed, tried to hug or cuddle or create some form of physical comfort, but with Arizona, giving her space was the best thing Callie could do physically to show her love. So, instead she went off to Sofia's room to kiss her goodnight.

Callie always told herself she could just sneak in and say goodnight. But, without failure, every night Sofia would hear her coming and be wide awake before Callie even pushed the door open. She was wearing her Old McDonald themed pajamas that Arizona's mom mailed in on Sofia's first birthday. They were pink with various farm animals printed on them and the lyric "e-eye-e-eye-oh" randomly stamped in various locations. They were cute, and more importantly currently Sofia's favorite item of clothing. Callie watched in amusement as the little girl bounced up and down anticipating that at any moment Callie would pick her up and play with her. They played about a hundred rounds of peekaboo before Callie's hands got tired and Sofia became distracted by all the pictures of safari animals in her room. The little girl gazed up at the giraffe whose neck swooped down toward the right corner of her crib. Today, Callie had decided that giraffes were cool, she loved giraffes even; this was a noticeable change in position from her previous sentiments. Callie was sure, were it an actual giraffe, it would have been thankful for the chance to stay put, for now.

"Hey little girl" Callie yawned, finally picking Sofia up out of the crib. "Mommy missed you, a lot actually"

Sofia looked back up at Callie, her big brown eyes beaming with wonder. For just a second, Callie felt she was looking in on herself wishing to be so young and so naïve again. She kissed her daughter and rocked her gently back into sleep. Turning to close the door, she saw the picture of Mark and Sofia on the dresser. It wasn't there before, but Callie already knew that's where it belonged so their daughter would always know her dad was watching over her.

Arizona had been watching quietly from the doorway for some time now. She didn't want to interrupt though. Callie had this way of interacting with Sofia that was equal parts adorable and mesmerizing, but if you interrupted them they would both act as if whatever secret conversation they were having was instantaneously over.

"I told her today" Arizona explained, finally letting her presence be known. "Not that she understood, but I did tell her so maybe it will help."

Callie put it together that Arizona was talking about telling Sofia about her father. She tried to do it a few times herself, but could never really figure out where to start or where to end, she always end up stuck some place in the middle, recounting a story to Sofia about her dad without having explained anything at all.

Callie's eyes met Arizona's, she seemed calmer, or as calm as she would get given the circumstances. She was just doing her best not to obsess about it, because obsessing would freak Callie out and then Callie would go back into fix-it mode which was her own version of a dark and twisty place. So, instead they found their way back to the living room together, where Arizona had a surprise waiting for Callie.

Callie stared at the living room where the coffee table had been, but was now pushed against the wall, a beach towel draped across the floor in its place. Arizona emerged from the kitchen hoisting two wine glasses and a shaker over her head.

"What's all this?" Callie questioned hoping she hadn't forgotten a holiday.

"May 5th" Arizona explained. "I mean I know our anniversary was a while ago and it's not even May anymore, but I was sort of unavailable for a while. So, I thought we could do May 5th today"

Callie thought about how she'd canceled their anniversary dinner so that Arizona could be there for Nick's surgery. The plan was to go out and celebrate after the surgery; it was supposed to go well. But since that never happened, their celebration never happened. Instead, Callie spent the rest of the day trying not to feel like a complete failure, drinking away her thoughts at Joe's and replaying Arizona's words in her head.

"don't kill him, just please don't kill him."

Meanwhile Arizona was sulking and ready to boil over with built up frustration. So much so that by the time Nick died and she finally found out what happened, they weren't even thinking about having missed their anniversary. They'd let three whole days pass without even so much as a mention of rescheduling. Then, the plane crashed and everything very quickly went to hell. But they were back now and life seemed to be granting them a reprieve from the total chaos they had been living in. Arizona had made up her mind that whatever happened, they could figure it out together. Today she just wanted to have sangrias on the beach with her wife.

They sat on the blanket with Arizona's head resting comfortably in Callie's lap. They promised each other never to let another anniversary go by without mention, never to let themselves get so caught up in the drama that they couldn't stop to celebrate each other.

"Yeah, but next time we're going to an actual beach with water and sand" Callie insisted.

"Oh and Sofia can build a sand castle" Arizona added on, garnering a questioning look from Callie.

"Or Sofia can stay with Uncle Derek for the weekend" Callie teased before leaning in to kiss Arizona.

~~~~XX~~~~

Dr. Hubbard rushed aimlessly through the halls of Seattle Grace Mercy West. He'd never been there before but to him all hospitals were the same, he didn't need to look up for directions because eventually his feet would find their way. He'd just flown in from the MEDCOM facility in Pennsylvania eager to tour the facility and help setup a research space that would allow the military to fly soldiers to Seattle for treatment. He was also excited to finally meet the mysterious Dr. Torres his boss had been talking up for the past few weeks. It was rare for anyone in ortho to receive such high praise from people outside the specialty, but Teddy swore up and down that Callie Torres was a genius with a scalpel. If nothing else Frankie figured he could take the opportunity to thank her in person.

Passing through another corridor, he bumped into a small woman who seemed not too pleased to have been temporarily delayed from her intended purpose.

"Oh excuse me" Frankie apologized. He paused to read her name tag. "Dr. Baily, I'm Dr. Frankie Hubbard, I'm looking for the chief of surgery's office."

Baily rolled her eyes disinterested in exchanging pleasantries.

"You looking for Owen Hunt?" she asked, receiving a swift affirmative nod from the other doctor.

"Make a right at the end of the hall, second door to your left. And try not to bump in to anyone on your way" With that Baily walked off not giving Frankie any time to thank her properly.

He made his way to Owen's office and sat down, waiting patiently, for the other doctor who was busy crunching numbers and sorting through a stack of budgetary files, to acknowledge his presence.

"Dr. Hubbard" Owen finally spoke up. "Thank you for coming"

"It was my pleasure" Frankie insisted. He looked around the room as if needing to be sure they were the only occupants. "Will Dr. Torres be joining us?" He finally asked.

Owen sighed, realizing that he was going to have to ask Callie to start fronting this project. People wanted to see her, not him.

"I'm sorry; she's gone home for the day." Owen explained.

Frankie could have kicked himself for not realizing how late it was, well 9pm wasn't excessively late, but at a civilian hospital it was late. There wasn't a single civilian surgeon he knew of that didn't punch their time card in at 6pm whenever possible, not even his mother. He shook it off, he'd have a chance to meet her some other day.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona was so comfortable daydreaming with Callie, she started to drift in and out of sleep. They'd been cuddling for a while now and Callie was just wrapping up a very detailed story about a private island getaway, and body lotion, and a deep tissue massage.

"Oh, another thing we can celebrate" Callie announced "I'm taking you off your medication."

Callie took another sip of her sangria, blissfully unaware of the shocked expression on Arizona's face as she silently digested the horror that those words had caused her.

* * *

**AN**: Thanks again to anyone who is reading. I really enjoy your comments and feedback.


	9. Like a DanceAThon

**AN**: This chapter may be a bit MerDer heavy for some

* * *

Meredith could do nothing but stare at Derek from across the breakfast table, Lexie usually made breakfast to save everyone from the atrocities of Meredith's concoctions, but since her death Derek had acquired a sudden flair for the culinary arts. It didn't pass by Meredith that all of Derek's newly acquired hobbies were somehow related to either Lexie or Mark. She even caught him speaking Spanish to Zola. She was the one holding up surprisingly well considering everything she'd lost in the crash. Lexie finally got to her, they were just starting to feel like a real family, and then, like always it got ripped away from her against her will. She didn't even have a chance to say goodbye this time. But, she had to be a Derek's wife and she had to be Zola's mother; there was no time for her to fall apart the way she wanted to those first two months. She did everything to be understanding of Derek's crisis of faith or whatever he was going through, but it had been long enough, and now he'd really pushed it too far.

"Derek Shepherd, do you have any idea what you're saying?" Meredith demanded. She tried to hold eye contact to test if he was really serious, but Derek didn't budge.

"I know what I said Meredith, I've done enough thinking I'm done" he said it with such finality that Meredith decided not to even bother with the conversation. She looked over to Zola who seemed preoccupied with her breakfast of mashed sweet potatoes and milk. She wasn't so much eating the sweet potatoes as just smearing them around the plate and mixing them with drops of milk so that it looked like a snow-topped mountain.

"You are not retiring" Meredith insisted one last time before excusing herself from the table. She leaned in to kiss Zola goodbye. "Zo, can you say mid-life crisis?" Meredith cooed to the little girl loud enough for Derek to hear her. Then she shook her head in disbelief at Derek's stubbornness and left for work. There was nothing keeping Derek from working, as big of a miracle as Callie had performed for Arizona, Meredith felt what Callie managed to pull off for Derek was just as unbelievable. She was there at the crash site, she was Derek's hand before. He'd smashed it to smithereens. They both thought there was no way he'd see an OR again, but what Callie did that day, for everyone, Meredith didn't know how she even pulled it off. So, thanks to Callie, Derek could be Derek if he wanted to be Derek, he just didn't want to anymore.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona was trying desperately to make it through the day without her pills. Callie wrote her last prescription to last the full week, but she'd gone through them in just four days. She thought of going cold turkey, but that didn't last for very long. Four hours in she was agitated and finding it impossible to stay focused on her work. So much so that when she had an opportunity to take a small break, she jumped at it. Walking rather briskly, she made her way to the parking lot and then drove to a gas station down the street. She was still in her scrubs and she thought of all the people walking by would scoff at the site of a doctor smoking in a gas station parking lot, but she couldn't risk anyone from the hospital seeing her.

After going through three straight cigarettes as if they were potato chips, Arizona finally felt like she could get back to work. She did her best to cover up the smell, but she knew she was just lying to herself. The minute Callie sat down next to her she would know. Arizona promised Callie she would quit for good a long time ago, and she had. She just needed them this one time, or at least that's what she told herself as she tucked the pack of cigarettes away in her glove compartment. She wasn't in any physical pain, actually it was the opposite. Her breathing was fine, her leg felt great, but she been hit with the perfect storm of problems and the one thing that bothered her most was the thing she couldn't talk to her wife about. She was too afraid of what she might say. So instead, a pill or a cigarette and no one would question her, not after everything she'd been through. They all just saw what they wanted to see, a miracle.

But somewhere in the short drive back to the hospital, she'd made up her mind that she needed to be honest with Callie. It wasn't Callie's fault and Arizona knew she couldn't keep blaming Callie for something that was beyond her control. She walked her way into the hospital and back toward the orthopedics wing only to be confronted by a wall of yellow tape.

"What? What is going on here? What's with all the tape?" Arizona demanded of anyone who could hear her. She was startled by the sound of a familiar voice coming in authoritatively behind her.

"This isn't tape, this is forty-five million dollars in the making" Richard insisted. He was giddy with excitement like a little kid with a new toy.

"The hospital just received a forty-five million dollar grant to expand the orthopedics department for Dr. Torres' research" Richard explained.

Arizona ducked under the tape and navigated her way through the maze in search of someone from ortho who could tell her where her wife was.

"You're not going to find anyone here" Frankie announced as he spotted Arizona rounding a corner. He recognized her surgical scrubs and assumed she was looking for a consult.

Arizona fluttered her eyes rapidly, trying to place the young surgeons face, then finally settling on not knowing him.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" She demanded, reflecting a bit of her discomfort with being confronted by an interloper. He didn't belong here, and more importantly Arizona had decided she didn't like him very much since he was keeping her from finding Callie.

"I'm sorry, Frankie Hubbard, I'm heading up the orthopedics department at MEDCOM. And who are you?"

Arizona rolled her eyes just subtly enough that if Frankie blinked he would have missed it and only seen the carefully crafted pleasant smile she used to hide her actual thoughts. She looked at his arms rippled with veins and stuffed into a shirt that looked as if he'd outgrown it. The sergeant first-class E-7 insignia was tattooed in black ink down his left bicep; he was an army guy. She decided to cut him some slack, it wasn't his fault she was in a less than bubbly mood.

"Arizona Robbins, pedi…" Arizona stopped herself at the sight of Frankie's expression.

And within a matter of seconds she'd put Frankie back on her short list, she wasn't in the mood to indulge any more shock –and-awe expressions or being looked over as if she was some sort of frozen cave-woman that Callie had thawed-out and brought back to life. Just when she was thought she might have to find a way around him, Callie showed up dressed in her day clothes and spinning her car keys as if she were happy to be leaving. Frankie watched as Arizona smiled warmly at the woman approaching them.

"Hey, there you are" Callie sighed as if relieved to have run into Arizona. "I've been looking all over for you" she finished before approaching and kissing Arizona on the cheek. Frankie was surprised, but it quickly wore off.

"I went out" Arizona started to explain.

Callie leaned in and took a sniff of Arizona's clothing, she thought she smelled something before, but was almost certain now.

"To a bowling alley?" Callie sarcastically questioned. She didn't want to make a big deal of it so she just brushed it off and moved on to the next topic; they could talk about it later.

"Listen, they're doing some renovations here so my entire department is closed off for the day." Arizona couldn't believe it, Callie was actually happy. Not that she didn't want her to be, of course she did. But Callie being happy made it harder for her to say what she'd planned on saying. They'd been in a fog for so long, Arizona decided it could wait, Callie deserved to be happy today.

"Anyway, I'm going home early, was there something you wanted to talk about?" Callie continued.

Arizona looked off to the side, then back at Frankie.

"Um no, I just met Dr. Hubbard, and I told him I'd introduce the two of you" Arizona lied. "Frankie Hubbard, this is Dr. Torres." Arizona excused herself and let the two doctors get acquainted. This was a really big opportunity for Callie and the last thing she wanted was for either of them to screw it up because of emotional drama.

~~~~XX~~~~

She'd run into Meredith on her way out and promised to do a small favor before she went home. That's the only reason Callie found herself driving twenty minutes out of the way to Meredith's house. She didn't even know why she agreed to it, it hadn't really worked the first time when Baily dragged her out to the woods, so what made any of them think it would work now. But, Meredith was desperate and so here she was again, trying to talk some sense into a man who seemed determined not to be reasoned with.

"Hey" Derek greeted Callie, a little disappointed she hadn't brought Sofia along with her. "If Meredith sent you here, I'm sorry you've wasted your time."

Callie, still standing at the threshold, was undeterred.

"Well can I come in anyway?" she asked with one foot already over the doorway.

They found their way to the living room and sat down in a mess of children's toys and random outfits from Zola's wardrobe.

"You're wasting that hand" Callie cut right to the chase. She looked at it admiringly, it was perfect and obviously fully functional by now.

"That's my hand, I spent two hours on my feet rebuilding what you broke" Callie was gentle in her tone, but nonetheless serious. She motioned to the mess around them.

"And here you are wasting it on diapers and patty-cake " She sighed in confusion.

Callie waited, listening patiently as Derek earnestly tried to convince her that he was satisfied staying home and experiencing life as a parent. But Callie was a parent too and she loved her daughter, but if someone told her she couldn't cut anymore, she wouldn't be herself and it was more than obvious to her that Derek was not himself.

"Derek, your hands were meant to save lives." She reassured him.

"My hands killed Meredith's sister" He finally revealed putting a whole new light on the situation, one that Callie could actually work with.

"She wasn't supposed to be there, I didn't need her. But I told her to come because I thought it would be a good learning experience" Derek paused, scratching at the overgrown stubble taking over his chin. "She was my resident."

Callie took it all in, she understood, no one who hasn't been through something similar would get it, but Callie got it.

"I killed my daughter's father" she announced. "and now I can't even say his name without feeling like I ruined her."

Derek shook his head, he was there with Mark, he knew there was nothing Callie could have done.

"No, you know no matter how many people tell me it isn't true and no matter how many times I look over the medical records at the end of the day I went to Arizona first."

Derek seemed relieved that Callie actually understood what he was saying. So, he assumed, she had to understand why he couldn't go back to surgery. They paused for a while both just staring out at the room, amazed by all the clutter Zola created.

"Look being a surgeon is like a dance-a-thon " Callie finally spoke up. "you can't stop dancing just because you don't like the song that's playing."

She summoned her energy and pulled herself up from the couch.

"So what do you do?" Derek questioned.

"Keep your feet moving and wait for the song to change" Callie explained before seeing herself out.

~~~~XX~~~~

Meredith stood waiting at the arrivals area of the airport with Zola standing at her side using her mother's leg as a hiding spot from all the strangers passing by. Occasionally she would peek out from behind so that Meredith could pass her a few goldfish crackers. Finally the automatic doors flew open and Amelia came strolling out pulling nothing more than a small suitcase behind her. Meredith hadn't planned on this, but Derek was giving her no other choice. She knew if there was one person who could force him out of his self-imposed retirement it was his sister Amelia. She watched as Amelia spotted Zola doing a not-so-good job at trying to observe her aunt without being seen. Amelia enthusiastically reached around and swooped the little girl into her arms swinging her around as if she were an airplane before putting her back on the ground.

"So what's big brother up to now?" Amelia implored.

"retiring" Meredith sighed very matter-of-factly.

By the time they got back to the house Meredith had filled Amelia in completely and was surprised to find out that her sister-in-law had already formulated a plan of her own. If nothing else, it would certainly take Derek by surprise, and the way Meredith saw things, that couldn't hurt.

Derek looked up at Meredith as she and Amelia entered the house with Zola hoisted on Amelia's hip. He was visibly displeased to see Meredith had brought his sister to town without talking to him about it.

"No" Derek shook his head very insistently.

"Nice to see you too" Amelia muttered under her breath.

"you're the last person I need a pep talk from, just go home" Derek instructed.

Amelia let Zola down and found a comfy spot of the couch.

"Who said anything about a pep talk?" Amelia questioned. "I came to see my niece."

Derek looked at her incredulously, that was the biggest load of bull he'd heard all day. Since the adoption Amelia had only seen Zola once before she got busy running her own life into the ground and not telling Derek anything about what she was going through. Derek couldn't believe she would show up to help him after shutting him out like that.

"Oh, and also, I came to take your job" Amelia added after an extended pause.

* * *

**AN**: As always thanks for reading


	10. A Means to an End

**AN**: Sorry for the wait, have three fics going at the same time and I may have bitten off more than I can chew.

* * *

Glioma, it was all Arizona could think about all day. She'd been relegated to menial cases ever since her return. An inflamed appendix here, a broken foot there (which she found particularly grating as it was really just an excuse for Callie to check in on her). But today, she was getting a glioma. Though she was definitely curious about who neuro was sending to scrub in with her. She figured it was going to be Dr. Nelson, the shadow Shepherd. He wasn't perfect, but he'd do. She pushed her way into the scrub room only noticing a figure already inside and not paying much attention to who it might be.

"Dr. Nelson, haven't seen you in a…"

"Who's Dr. Nelson?" Amelia cut her off.

Arizona looked up in surprise at Amelia who was busy shaking her hands dry before putting her gloves on.

"Should be fun working together again" Amelia smiled, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'll see you in there Dr. Robbins." Then she put her hands forward and pushed her way out of the room using her back.

Working together again was a reference to the two year period they spent at Hopkins. They were on different specialty tracks, but managed to have three very important interactions, three very unforgettable interactions; each for very different reasons. The first was in the OR, Arizona had been assigned her first peds solo surgery and she was having trouble finding another resident to assist her. Okay, maybe more accurately she was being overly picky about who she wanted in there with her. She'd earned a bit of a reputation for being a dismissive snot with a superiority complex and while she didn't really understand its origins she wasn't about to let just anyone in her OR. So, three hours before the surgery when she still hadn't picked an assistant, Amelia came striding along to the surgical board and wrote her name onto Arizona's surgery.

"Excuse me, what are you doing?" Arizona asked, still staring at the board as if on the precipice of a decision.

"You were being indecisive" Amelia explained. "I decided for you."

Arizona stomped her foot in protest. "I wouldn't have picked you." She leveled the statement as if it were the highest of insults.

"You wouldn't have picked anyone" Amelia defiantly shot back, earning an eye roll from Arizona.

"You are an entitled brat with a cesspool worth of doctors in your family. This surgery doesn't excite you, it's just a means to an end." Arizona explained.

But it didn't matter, the surgery was in three hours and Amelia was right, she wouldn't have picked anyone. They were stuck with each other. Their patient, a nine year old with an arrow shot through his ear. It was an injury that happened at day-camp during an archery exercise. X-rays showed the arrow was a clean shot that hadn't really interfered with any area of the brain or any major nerves. All Arizona really had to do was pull it out. no muss no fuss.

Except that Amelia made the mistake of pushing when all she was supposed to do was gently guide the arrow through to Arizona. They weren't even three minutes in and their patient, a little boy named Tracey looked to be stroking out.

"What the hell did you do?" Arizona demanded.

But Amelia was in denial, she refused to own up to doing anything wrong and instead went with blaming Arizona.

"You said the pathway was clear" she protested. "Maybe you should have been paying more attention to the monitor."

Without a second's hesitation , Amelia had pushed the doors open and was half way out the door dragging the patient's gurney behind her. She turned to Arizona who just stood there dumbfounded, her mouth agape.

"Hey this surgery just got ten times more interesting, are you coming or not?"

Arizona wanted to snap at her. She really couldn't decide if Amelia was completely incompetent or if the young resident had done it on purpose for the sole purpose of raising her own interests. But there she was charging out the door with Arizona's patient, there was no time to question her. They needed to get Tracey to an OR with more appropriate equipment fast.

So, that was their first interaction, which is why Arizona was so thrilled to be working with her again.

~~~~XX~~~~

Today's surgery was supposed to take place in two stages. This was done in order to reduce the potential for swelling. Amelia took the opportunity to grab a quick bite and try and introduce herself to some of the staff. Well, one staff member in particular. She'd spotted him on her way to sign her staff contract. She didn't recognize him, but she liked what she saw. He was tall and dark with deeply defined cheekbones and arms that looked like something off the cover of a cheesy romance novel. She overheard him saying he'd be having lunch with a Dr. Torres at two o'clock. So, naturally she made sure she'd be in the cafeteria and conveniently passing by his table at that time.

Amelia saw him sitting just opposite buffet line chatting up a distractingly gorgeous brunette with impossibly white teeth. She'd been planning this for a while now, but didn't want to be obvious about it.

"Hi" she introduced herself, arm fully extended and expecting a handshake. "Amelia Shepherd, haven't met you, but I've been reading a lot about you're research."

Callie looked at the hand extended in her direction. She knew the name right away; she also knew Amelia wasn't even slightly interested in her research. She recognized the side glances being thrown in Frankie's direction, it was the same way she often found Arizona looking at her when she thought no one was looking. She decided to play along anyway.

"Derek's sister right?" Callie asked and received a swift nod of confirmation. "Today's your first day?"

"Yeah, I actually just got out of a surgery with the head of pediatrics, do you know her?"

Callie took a minute to study the other woman's expression she never knew what to expect after people first encountered Arizona. They were likely to do anything from sing her praises, to declare her criminally insane.

There wasn't much time to respond though, Amelia quickly jumped at the opportunity to continue speaking. "You don't want to, the woman's a total nightmare hasn't changed since Hopkins. She turns every single OR into…"

Callie wanted to save Amelia any further embarrassment. She held up her hand waving it in the air to reveal her wedding band.

"Crazy chick's my wife." Callie explained which effectively changed the subject.

It didn't pass by Callie that Amelia mentioned knowing Arizona at Hopkins. She made a mental note to try and have a chat with her about that, it was rare that she had the opportunity to meet anyone from Arizona's past who wasn't dead or dying. But for now, she needed to find Arizona, she was worried the surgery might not go well and from what Amelia described, she figured Arizona would need to talk about it.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona was in the parking lot digging through her car trying to figure out what happened to her secret stash of cigarettes. She was sure she still had half a pack left. With each passing minute that she couldn't find it, she grew more and more agitated, she couldn't be around anyone when she got like this. She was usually cool and collected, but right now she felt heat washing over her in waves and her heart felt like it might pound out of her chest. Still, no matter how many times she searched there was no pack to be found, no opportunity for reprieve. She slammed the door behind her and slouched against the car's frame.

"Damn it" She sighed.

"Looking for something?" Callie questioned, already fully aware of the answer as she approached the car.

"Where is it?" Arizona demanded, a bit too forcefully.

Callie wasn't all too shocked, at least she wasn't as shocked as she'd already been when she first found the cigarettes in Arizona's glove compartment.

"You know you shouldn't be smoking like at all right?" Callie warned. "What were you thinking? You just got off antirejection medication." Callie was growing frustrated and she tried everything to calm herself down.

Arizona sighed, she knew Callie was right and she was too tired to try and protest.

"I wasn't ready" Arizona admitted.

Callie looked down at the ground, she couldn't help feeling guilty. Things wouldn't be this complicated if she'd just had the strength to cut off the leg in the first place. She looked up at Arizona's leg again, it looked fine, perfect actually. But Callie didn't want to take any chances. She reached out and brushed Arizona's cheek, brushing a loose curl out of her wife's face.

"If you were still in pain you should have said something. I'm your doctor, I should know that."

Arizona looked in anticipation as Callie reached into her lab coat pocket. She thought she'd be getting her cigarettes back, but instead Callie pulled out her prescription pad.

"Here" Callie stated reassuringly as she scribbled into the pad. "This should get you through the week and we'll just see how it goes from there."

"Thank you" Arizona sighed, folding the prescription into her own pocket. She didn't dare tell Callie that she wasn't actually in any physical pain. But she couldn't put Callie in that position again. She didn't want Callie to feel any more responsibility for what she was going through.

She kissed Callie's cheek then pulled away slowly.

"You called yourself my doctor" Arizona started. She hesitated only slightly before finishing. "I want a different doctor."

Callie looked a combination of confused and insulted. She ran her hands through her hair and tried to convince herself this was just some momentary last minut decision Arizona would quickly change her mind about.

"Arizona, don't okay."

Arizona was crying now, it was silent, but still she was crying.

"I hurt so much and I can't talk to the one person I need to talk to about it" Arizona explained, "because she's my doctor."

Callie couldn't take the sight of Arizona crying like that any longer. She pulled her into a hug and kissed her repeatedly.

"Be my wife." Arizona pleaded, her voice falling softly against Callie's cheek.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona was at the hospital pharmacy getting her prescription filled when she got a 911 page. Doctors were supposed to run at a 911, they were trained to run. She actually had to fight the natural instinct of her legs to do just that because right now, she really needed that prescription. She waited impatiently, craning her neck around the counter to observe what was taking them so long. Relief finally coming when the pharmacist placed a brown bag with her name on it in the filled order window. The only objection she had left, why did the bag have to be brown? It conjured up images of winos aimlessly meandering the street doing a poor job of hiding their chosen vice. She didn't have time to ruminate on it any further, it was time to run. Arizona took off in a mad dash toward the OR. She was in such a hurry that when she got to the top of the stairs and opened the door she couldn't slow her momentum down soon enough and nearly ran Cristina over.

"I'm okay, thanks for asking" Cristina called after Arizona's quickly fading figure.

Arizona pushed the OR room doors open to reveal a familiar sight. Amelia had taken hold of the gurney and was ready to run down the hall with it all by herself.

"What did you do?" Arizona demanded.

"What did I do?" Amelia shot back, "I cut out a section of her scalp to relieve the swelling and then you covered it with a plate instead of bandages."

Arizona couldn't recall doing it, and she was not about to admit making a mistake to Amelia Shepherd .

"I still don't see how that, led to this" Arizona defiantly blurted, her hands motioning to the scene before them.

"Plates don't stretch Dr. Robbins." Amelia's voice was full of condescension. But then a quick thought, a possibility that she quickly shook off as impossible. Not Arizona Robbins.

"Well, are you coming or not?" Amelia demanded, "this surgery just got ten times more interesting."

Arizona was not in the mood today she just wanted to get in the OR and have Amelia shut up, but Amelia was the one doctor she couldn't seem to intimidate or irritate into silence.

At first they worked in complete silence, but then Amelia saw Arizona's wedding band forming a small hump against the latex of her gloves.

"So, I met your wife today" Amelia smiled, not at all fazed by the icy cold look Arizona shot her in return.

"We are not going to talk about her." Arizona stated, and Amelia ignored.

"She's really pretty."

Arizona thought back to her second encounter with Amelia. It was two weeks after the surgery from hell and she'd had a particularly long day. She called her then girlfriend, a free-spirited aspiring chef who couldn't really be bothered with intellectual conversations, but with Arizona's schedule she barely had time for conversations so it worked, at the time. They were supposed to meet up at the local bar, but Arizona was running late. She walked in to the bar looking every bit worth the wait. Then, there Amelia was drawing a crowd of skeezy men, shoving her tongue down Arizona's girlfriend's throat.

When Arizona tried to get her to leave, Amelia offered this wonderful piece of advice.

"chill out Robbins, sharing is caring."

So, that was their second encounter, which is why Arizona was so excited to be talking with Amelia about her wife.

"You're not Callie's type." Arizona confidently asserted.

Amelia smiled mischievously, she knew she should stop, but she was having too much fun getting under Arizona's skin.

"Oh so she's in to paranoid and bossy then?"

She was so excited to be working with Amelia again, so very excited.

* * *

**AN**: As always thanks for reading


	11. Spokane, Boise, Malawi, Timbuktu

**AN**: So, a new chapter. important things are happening here.

* * *

They'd been going back and forth over this for a week now. Callie finally agreed to let Arizona search for another doctor on her own, even though she knew all the reputable doctors in the area and didn't feel comfortable with Arizona picking someone she didn't know. She sat at the kitchen counter swallowing spoonful after spoonful of cereal trying not to let her frustration show. Arizona finally picked a doctor, but now she was refusing to tell Callie who it was.

"This is ridiculous, you'll get better treatment here not with some doctor I don't know who you won't even tell me…"

"They're in Spokane" Arizona cut Callie off.

At this new information Callie dropped her spoon onto the counter. It clattered quite loudly and caused Sofia who was safely resting her head against Arizona's shoulder to jump and turn in her mother's arms.

"Spokane!" Callie was in shock. "Spokane!" she repeated.

Arizona took Sofia's breakfast, mashed potatoes and gravy, out of the microwave and skillfully popped the top off without dropping the container, or Sofia. She tested the temperature to be sure it wasn't too hot, then placed Sofia in her highchair with the food on the tray.

"There you go sweet girl" she cooed playfully at Sofia who just smiled and waited patiently for Arizona to spoon the food into her mouth.

"Yes, Spokane" Arizona finally answered, "You know there are only a handful of orthopedic surgeons in Washington." She didn't see what the big deal was.

Still, Callie was growing agitated, she needed answers, she needed to know and Arizona was unwilling to tell her anything.

"Spokane is five hours away." Callie complained, her eye searching Arizona for some level of understanding.

Arizona didn't want to admit that the five hour driving distance was exactly why she picked her doctor. She was serious when she asked Callie to stop being her doctor, but she knew if Callie had even the slightest in she'd go right back to checking her scans and monitoring her muscle reflexes.

"Spokane is a one hour plane ride" Arizona tried to reassure Callie, but regretted her choice of words almost as soon as they were out.

At that last statement Callie decided she was done, she didn't want to make things worse and she couldn't focus long enough to find a way to verbalize her thoughts in a non-confrontational tone. She got up from the counter, grabbed her jacket and gave Sofia a quick kiss on the top of her head.

"You're leaving?" Arizona questioned. "Where are you going?"

Callie was already at the door by now, she turned to face Arizona again. "Oh just some place, hey, maybe it's five hours away." With that Callie was out the door leaving Arizona to contemplate her reasons for keeping Callie in the dark.

~~~~XX~~~~

"Dr. Torres" Frankie announced upon seeing Callie exit the elevator. "You're here early."

The entire ortho department currently consisted of Callie, four residents, a handful of nurses, and Frankie, who would be leaving in three months after the expansion was complete. Callie was used to her department being treated as the hospital's after thought, what she wasn't used to was the old psych unit, which is where they'd been moved to due to the renovations.

"I uh," Callie paused for a second to think up a good enough lie, "I wanted to make sure they got all my stuff from my office."

Frankie paused for a second, and scratched at his chin. He had a question to ask, but he wanted Callie to be in a good mood when he asked it. Right now, her mood could have been any number of things but it certainly was not good. He watched as Callie played with the ring on her left hand, he knew what that meant, he'd been there before and it didn't end well for him. Frankie was just about to offer to give Callie a tour of her new research lab when Amelia came rushing over to them.

"Construction worker fell off a crane, massive, massive injuries!" she looked a little too excited, but they understood. "Can either one of you scrub in?" Callie could see the way Amelia was eying Frankie, like she was starving and he was a four course meal. Besides that, Frankie hadn't had a chance at surgery since he arrived, Callie figured she'd be doing him a favor.

"Why don't you scrub in" she insisted "I've got some paperwork I should fill out anyway."

From the look on Amelia's face she figured they'd be in bed together before the end of the day.

"Okay, but Dr. Torres, we should meet up for lunch" Frankie called after her as he walked off with Amelia at his side.

Callie nodded her confirmation, then laughed to herself. If she were the betting type, she'd put odds on Frankie missing lunch all together. She found herself playing with her wedding ring again trying not to think that being married was sucking at the moment. She thought about calling Arizona, but it was pointless, Callie knew she wouldn't answer the phone. She shook it off, they would see each other at work, around lunch time. Callie was looking forward to the opportunity to smooth things over, Arizona would come around; she had to.

~~~~XX~~~~

"shrunken heart!" Cristina exclaimed as she plopped down next to Callie at the lunch table.

Callie was preoccupied with thought and couldn't possibly follow Cristina's train of thought if she tried anyway. She shook her head in confusion.

"What?"

"Shrunken heart!" Cristina exclaimed again. "Maggie Stone shrunk a freakin heart back to normal size."

In some sick twisted way, Callie knew this was Cristina's way of being supportive. She knew Callie still didn't want to win the Harper Avery and had taken it upon herself to give Callie daily reminders of how much better all the other candidates were.

"Okay, you stuck a piece of Jell-O in Arizona's leg, but there is no way you're beating a shrunken heart" Cristina was almost as peppy as Arizona about this whole thing. If she had the opportunity, Callie thought, Cristina would definitely add Dr. Stone to her personal collection.

"Cristina, you're drooling" Callie quipped. "Is there something else you wanted?"

Callie didn't have to think long to realize what was on Cristina's mind. The girl had a one track mind almost as bad as Amelia's, except instead of sex, all she could think about was surgery.

"You want me to introduce you to Maggie Stone?" Callie questioned, watching as Cristina smiled her confirmation. "I'll see what I can do, just don't go humping her leg." Callie warned half-seriously.

"I can't promise that" Cristina replied while excusing herself from the table "Shrunken heart!" she repeated as she walked away.

Callie was still waiting on either Frankie or Arizona to show up. But, so far, her lunch hour was almost over and there was no sign of either one of them. She was reasonably sure she could account for Frankie's whereabouts, but Arizona should have come in three hours ago and the one time she called, no one answered the phone. Before she could think about it a second longer, Meredith walked over and sat down with Alex following closely behind her. Callie still hadn't gotten used to her new-found popularity. It seemed like ever since the grant money came in everyone wanted to chat her up or ask her advice about things.

"Callie" Meredith greeted as she picked at the food on her tray. "where's Arizona?"

That was a good question, Callie would have loved to meet the person capable of answering it because at the moment it wasn't her.

"Spokane, Boise, Malawi, Timbuktu…" Callie's voice trailed off. "last I saw her she was at home, Why?"

Meredith seemed to go on in her train of thought completely oblivious to Callie's previous statement.

"She was supposed to scrub in with me two hours ago but she never showed."

Alex looked between Callie and Meredith, he could tell Callie had no idea what Meredith was talking about and no idea where Arizona might be. His brow furrowed in thought then he came to a decision.

"Wait, did you say two hours ago?" he questioned with his gaze focused on Meredith. "That was the um…" he waited for Meredith to fill in the gap for him.

"The liver transplant with the Franklin twins"

Alex bit into his apple, a satisfied look growing on his face. "Right, that was mine, she swapped with me."

Callie thought to question Alex about how he could forget switching surgeries, but she wanted to believe him for whatever reason. All she knew was that Arizona wasn't at the hospital and she couldn't think of a reason not to go looking for her, again. She was getting up to leave, already having taken off her lab coat and draped it over her shoulder when Frankie came dashing into the cafeteria. Callie could see Amelia walking off in the opposite direction in the distance. She smirked in satisfaction knowing she was right about them. Frankie finally reached her waving a manila envelope in his right hand.

"Dr. Torres" He panted out her name, "You've got to see these."

****XX*****

She was supposed to be over it by now. She was supposed to not be feeling so emotional every single time she came down the hall to her apartment, but for whatever reason, without fail, Callie would find herself glancing over at Mark's door as if at any minute he might open up and greet her with some cheeky comment. She'd finally decided that they needed to move, it would only get worse when someone actually moved into the apartment and Callie didn't want to be there for that. She looked down at the manila envelope Frankie gave her earlier and smiled as she fumbled to get her keys out of her purse.

Callie pushed the door open to find Arizona lounging on the couch with Sofia watching some children's show she wasn't familiar with.

"I heard you took the day off" Callie announced in place of a formal greeting as she walked her way over to the living area. She gave Arizona a peck on the cheek, then Sofia.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Arizona had every intention of going to work that day, but after their morning confrontation she'd decided to take a walk and think about things. It was only supposed to be a short stroll through the park with her daughter. They grabbed a bite to eat , or Arizona grabbed a bite and Sofia ate a nice snack of fresh cut strawberries Arizona had packed for her, fed some ducks, and caught a live music show. Before she knew it, the day had gotten away from her and it didn't make sense to go into work for the day.

"I'm great" Arizona smiled, unsure if they were still supposed to be mad at each other.

Callie leaned in and gave Arizona another kiss. "Just promise me you're not going all Shepherd on me" she teased plopping the envelope down on the coffee table before heading off to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. At the sight of the envelope nearly a million scenarios ran through Arizona's head, most of them completely implausible, but thin veil of secrecy provided by the envelope sent Arizona's imagination into a tail spin. She thought maybe an eviction notice, a summons from the court for unpaid parking tickets, pictures from the clinic in Malawi. She couldn't take it anymore, before Callie could get back to the living room and explain, she'd already opened the envelope and was thumbing through what a set of x-ray scans.

"Why am I looking at pig feet?" Arizona blurted the question as Callie walked up from behind her.

"Not pig feet" Callie explained, "regenerated pig feet."

Arizona smiled at Callie, it was a warning smile, she was cautious of any conversation related to Callie's research. But she wanted to be supportive, so she tried her best to ignore her trepidation.

"Those scans just came in from the research lab in Philly" Callie explained. "The synthetic dissolves into sugar over time so we were worried"

Arizona flipped through the scans again, they looked like normal pig feet to her, and she was a doctor, she'd be able to tell synthetic cartilage from actual cartilage; she'd even seen the synthetic on her own scans. She flipped through some more and listened as Callie explained how the synthetic was acting as a place holder fooling cells long enough for them to regenerate actual muscle tissue before the synthetic dissolved. In other words, she was in the clear, or should be once they could get scans to confirm it. Arizona looked on at Callie who was asking a question without actually asking it.

"We talked about this" Arizona reminded Callie. "I don't want you to be a doctor for me."

She got up to take Sofia to her room, leaving Callie to wait it out growing frustrated with each passing second.

"I am being your wife" Callie began upon seeing Arizona coming back from Sofia's room. "I am being the woman who loves you and needs to know that you are okay."

Arizona tried to explain her reasons, but they were just falling on deaf ears.

"It's not that big of a deal, I'll get scans in Spokane. If I need you…" Arizona couldn't finish the thought, the look on Callie's face said enough for her to know she'd said too much.

Callie threw her hands in the air, sometimes she wondered if Arizona was aware of how impossibly frustrating she could be to deal with.

"If you need me? You know, I really can't believe how easy it is for you to just hop on another plane and leave me. It's selfish, it's just selfish." With that Callie was done talking. She'd wanted to bring up house hunting, but given the state of things, it seemed like a topic that could wait for another day.

They spent the rest of the day walking on eggshells around each other and hoping not to spark world war three. At night as they went to bed with their backs to each other, Arizona thought about the moment just before she'd opened the envelope. In a momentary haze that she quickly shook off, she'd imagined divorce papers.

* * *

**AN**: As always thanks for reading thoughts and comments are appreciated.


	12. That's Good Stuff

**AN**: Well, we're more than half way through here, so I just want to say a quick thanks for continuing to read.

* * *

Amelia had been at the hospital for almost two months now, which was two months longer than she'd anticipated. Owen did warn her she might be bumped from temporary status to permanent if her little scheme to get Derek back in the OR didn't start working soon, but she was confident, given another month Derek would come to his senses. She'd come back from the hospital and talk him through her surgeries watching his face carefully for a reaction. At first, he'd just give inconsequential responses, answers meant to display his complete indifference to anything related to surgery. But, a few days ago, she came back and asked his opinion about removing a benign meningioma. The way his eyes shot up when she said she was going to do it, Amelia knew Derek's "retirement" wouldn't last much longer.

Today, she'd been working with Avery and Callie on a victim of spousal abuse who'd been attacked pretty badly with a blunt force object. In between shaking their heads in disbelief at the type of person who would do this to someone they supposedly loved, Amelia and Callie tried to chat about the anything really. They talked about the weather, about Frankie, about Callie's research, even about Mark. This was an especially sensitive topic since everyone in the room had a special connection to him. Jackson had been trying ever since the crash to pretend he didn't really care, but he lost two people, on top of already having lost his best friend in the hospital shooting a few years back. He hadn't really talked to anyone about Mark until now. Then the topic went back to Callie's research, mostly thanks to Amelia who was trying to ignore the giant elephant in the room, the one topic she and Callie had silently agreed not to talk about: Arizona.

"So, you think you'll win the Harper Avery?" Amelia asked, with genuine curiosity.

Callie had to pause putting her instruments down to think it over a bit. "I'm not sure, they haven't even published my nomination announcement yet."

Callie was referring to the fact that everyone on the shortlist had an article published in Modern Medicine explaining their nomination and what surgery they'd been selected for. It was how Cristina knew Maggie Stone shrunk a heart, how Callie found out that Preston Burk unclogged a major artery by pumping a patient's heart full of helium infused blood, and how Owen was able to send out a gloating staff e-mail after reading that all Colin Marlow managed to do was perform a single incision ventricular repair using a robot he'd designed himself.

Callie shook her head. "They're going for cardio. But it'll be fun rubbing shoulders with all the cool kids."

Jackson wasn't going to say anything; he wasn't allowed to say anything lest someone accuse him of displaying an unfair bias. But, if he could have said something, he would have told Callie to be a bit more confident. She grew a leg, her research was going to save lives it was definitely Harper Avery material.

"Anyway, Arizona isn't my patient anymore and I have the Ortho expansion to deal with and all the new hires I'm supposed to select" Callie continued blabbing on as if it were inconsequential information. She was completely oblivious to the curious thoughts running through Jackson and Amelia's minds.

"Arizona has a new doctor?" Amelia blurted the question out suddenly forgetting their unspoken agreement.

"You need new doctors?" Jackson shot out without giving Callie any time to address Amelia's question.

Callie could see the wheels turning in Jackson's head.

"Do you know who you're looking for?" It was a tentative question and obviously meant to quell the excitement he felt about, lord knows what exactly. She didn't need anyone in plastics.

"Uh" Callie began, "Someone with trauma training, we're also looking for another orthopedic surgeon so…"

Jackson smiled one of his patented smiles that everyone else described as pretty, but Callie found it cheesy.

"You need April Kepner" he announced, feeling satisfied with himself.

Callie wrapped up the patient's left arm and prepared to leave the OR. "I'm not sure yet, I haven't even looked at applications"

"You need Kepner Dr. Torres" Jackson repeated as Callie left the room.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona and Callie met in the cafeteria, they weren't exactly speaking to each other, but they were trying to push past their most recent breakdown in communication. As of today the only safe topics were Sofia, dinner, and Sofia. Everything else inevitably led to hostility, silence, and inevitably one of them storming away in frustration. Arizona plopped her tray down and sat directly across from Callie who was busy playing Sudoku.

"Did you ever find Sofia's other shoe" she inquired, recalling the fruitless search she'd conducted in the morning before Arizona left for work.

"Yep" Callie answered without even looking away from her Sudoku puzzle. "It was under her toy chest."

"Of course it was" Arizona laughed as she imagined Sofia kicking her shoes off by the toy chest while trying to put her toys away.

They just sat there picking at their food and trying not to make eye contact, it was a pathetic sight and something Callie couldn't really tolerate much longer.

"So, how was Spokane?" she finally let herself ask. Arizona had driven out to see her mystery doctor five days ago and Callie was too nervous about what would happen if she asked about it, but now it was just eating at her, she needed to know, and more importantly, as her wife, Arizona needed to tell her. She'd put her puzzle down now and was looking directly at Arizona.

Arizona drew in a long breath and sighed, she'd hoped they could at least eat silently without butting heads again, but she wasn't ready to talk to Callie about Spokane.

"I thought we said you weren't going to doctor me." Arizona warned.

Callie was tired of Arizona using that as an excuse, she watched as she pulled her hair, which she'd left un-straightened today, into a low ponytail.

"Oh so now asking how you're doing is doctoring?" Their voices were low so no one outside of the table could hear them, but a few passersby could pick up on some level of hostility visible in the furrowed expression on Callie's face.

"We're married, that's what married people do" Callie finished, before going back to picking at her food and staring at her book of puzzles.

Arizona was defiant, and stubborn, she knew it would have been better to leave it alone but she couldn't fight the urge to have the last word.

"You didn't marry people, you married me and I don't want to talk about it." Arizona grabbed Callie's puzzle book away and set it aside. "I need you to understand."

With that Callie swallowed her pride and went back to picking at her food until she could think of something else to talk about. At first she thought they could settle on what to do about dinner, but they'd already decided on ordering a pizza earlier in the morning and Callie wasn't desperate enough to try talking about pizza toppings.

"I think we should start looking at houses" She finally blurted out.

That seemed to get Arizona's attention. But, Callie wasn't expecting it to cause the strong reaction that it did. Without even saying a word Arizona looked up and straight ahead then picked her tray up and stormed out of the cafeteria. Arizona had pushed the doors open so forcefully that they swung back and forth repeatedly for a full minute after she left.

~~~~XX~~~~

After the debacle at lunch Arizona was still on break so she decided to use her newly found free time to try and clean up her locker. If nothing else, it provided her a nice excuse for throwing things around the room, and she really need to throw things at the moment. She picked up a now empty pill bottle and chucked it in the general direction of the trash can, not checking to ensure that it made it in, she didn't care where it landed. If she had, she would have seen she'd missed by about half a foot and the bottle landed squarely at the feet of Amelia Shepherd. She bent down and picked the bottle up, studying it's features as if cramming for a test.

"Skelaxin," Amelia spoke up "That's good stuff."

She said it as if recalling a fond memory. Arizona just wasn't in the mood, but she could see there was no shutting Amelia up. She turned her head swiftly staring Amelia down, but then quickly calmed herself before speaking.

"Could you just throw it away already" She softly pled.

Amelia was now flipping the bottle around in circles in the palm of her hand, using her index finger to rotate it back and forth and back and forth. Arizona watched the process with baited breath. The torture she felt was all too visible on her face. Then, after what seemed like the longest ten seconds in the history of history, Amelia stopped, steadying the bottle in her hand again. She turned her attention back to the label.

"Any reason you need to drive five hours to see Dr. Jonas in Spokane?"

Arizona had enough.

"Mind your business Dr. Shepherd" Arizona hissed, her voice cold and all too serious.

"You know, doctor shopping can get really messy if you're not careful." Amelia tried to be subtle about it, but she was all too familiar with the now very present signs she'd been brushing off for a while now. She'd never admit it, but she respected Arizona too much not to try and step up.

"Not that you're asking, but uh sex helps" Amelia offered her clearly unsolicited advice. It was, however, advice for a problem Arizona wasn't even willing to admit to having. She wasn't one to give pep talks, and more importantly, she knew Arizona wasn't one to receive pep talks, at least not from her, so rather than say anything else, Amelia simply pitched the bottle in the trash and walked off to her own locker.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona returned home to find Sofia wasn't there and the apartment smelled of paint fumes. She walked down the hall nervously seeking out the source of the assaulting odor and found Callie in Sofia's room paint roller in hand, indiscriminately distributing large stokes-worth of black paint onto the wall. She would have been shocked, but actually she was only surprised Callie had managed to hold out for as long as she had.

"Are you doing the entire room" Arizona questioned while walking up behind her and grabbing the spare paint roller that had been resting against the wall.

"Nope, just the giraffe" Callie explained.

Arizona dipped her brush and began applying a second coat to the areas where Callie had already painted and for a while they just worked like that without really talking at all. Callie didn't need Arizona to say anything, she knew this was as close to an apology as she was going to get for now and it was good enough for her.

When the silence grew too comfortable Arizona forced herself to speak. "Where's Sofia?"

"With Derek" Callie responded while stepping back and studying her work, ultimately deciding that it wasn't asymmetrical and they needed more paint on the left side.

They went back to just painting for a while longer until Callie couldn't find anything else to paint black. Feeling satisfied she'd rid the room of all things giraffe, she dropped her roller into the bucket and wiped her brow with the back of her hand. This left a paint smear streaking across her forehead as if she were being prepped for a tribal ceremony.

"How are we going to explain a giant black rectangle in the middle of the safari?" Callie sighed.

Arizona looked at the wall, then back at Callie, she couldn't help finding the paint smudge on her forehead alluring and simultaneously cute.

"Surrealism" Arizona offered.

It didn't make perfect sense, but it was plausible enough for Callie who smiled with satisfaction.

"okay"

Arizona stepped up close to Callie, there was newspaper under her feet which Callie had hurridly put down to protect the carpet. It rustled and bunched beneath her.

"You've got a little paint up here." Arizona explained as she brushed Callie's forehead with her thumb. She could see Callie go almost completely stiff and then just as quickly relax.

"Is it gone" Callie laughing nervously. It was strange for her to feel this way, butterflies in her stomach again. But, the way Arizona was looking at her, as if something might be happening, something other than another argument, it put Callie on edge with anticipation.

"No" Arizona laughed softly. She then stepped closer and kissed Callie just once, softly and slowly. She didn't know if it was good or bad that she knew that was all it would take, but that was all it took. The minute she stepped back, Callie stepped forward returning the kiss more passionately than it had been given. Before long they were on the floor, not long after that the paint can was knocked over, and a while later they were in the shower trying desperately to wash the paint off which of course turned into shower sex.

They left the apartment and got a hotel for the night, because of the paint fumes they told themselves. But honestly, there were obvious ulterior motives Arizona seemed insatiable and Callie decided it was a nice change of pace, so why question a good thing.

* * *

**AN**: Thanks for reading thoughts and comments are appreciated.


	13. You Can't Change the Past

**AN**: Well heavy stuff in this chapter, really heavy.

* * *

If there were a way to see into the future, a way to know the disaster ahead of you before you ran straight into it full force, would people still make the same decisions? Still act as selfishly as they always had, still approach life with the same thoughtless routine that is to be expected from years of monotony? It had happened a while ago, the transition back to normalcy and complacency and now everyone, even the crash survivors were behaving as if there had been no massive tragedy at all. They had paper work to fill out and meetings to attend. Life moved on and so they had to forget, they had to move on or get left behind. Except, maybe they weren't supposed to be forgetting, maybe the point of unexpected tragedy is that it shouldn't be forgotten lest they forget the mistakes the mistakes that brought them there in the first place. Well anyway, it didn't matter there was a Shepherd in the hospital, and while not Derek, Amelia had just as big a God complex. Cristina had pretty much taken over the cardio department, Alex was busy scaring parents into consenting to surgery, and Meredith was just being Meredith.

Except for Arizona, she was still there at the crash site most days. She could get through a surgery fine, but it seemed for the rest of the time life was happening around her and she just wasn't there yet. She caught herself day dreaming about Nick again. She'd been doing this for a while now, revisiting his last days at the hospital redoing everything in her head and hoping for a different outcome. But every time it ended the same way, Nick would lean in and whisper "Phoenix, you can't change the past" then his hand would slip away, he'd relax into the bed, and before long he'd expire.

This time, Arizona was sure she'd figured it out. She was rushing into Nick's room to tell him the good news when a suddenly a tray slammed down onto his bedside table, startling her away from her train of thought. She looked up coming out of her dream state to realize it was Amelia slamming her tray onto the table where Arizona had been sitting.

Their third and final major encounter at Hopkins was quite possibly the worst of the three. Arizona had been sitting in the Hopkins cafeteria minding her own business and picking away at her lunch when Amelia came storming in not even breaking before she reached Arizona, pulled her out of her seat and pinned her against a wall.

"What the hell?" Arizona shrieked in complete surprise.

It didn't take long for the scene to catch the full attention of everyone in the cafeteria, but no one seemed in a hurry to pull them apart.

"Why?" Amelia demanded. "Why did you do it? Was it some sort of weird revenge plot? Still got your panties in a twist cause of your whore girlfriend?"

Arizona's face was turning red, Amelia still had her pinned against the wall and she wasn't letting up.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Arizona gasped.

Amelia finally let her down, shoving a file against Arizona's chest in the process.

"You filed this report, three weeks after the surgery" Amelia angrily explained.

Arizona sighed, finally realizing what all the fuss was about. She should have known someone like Amelia would react this way, but being pinned against a wall, she definitely objected to that.

"You nearly killed a patient during a routine surgery, what did you…"

Amelia stopped listening and began reading from the report Arizona had filed "Dr. Shepherd seems unready for the OR and lacking in basic decision making skills." Amelia read the words back as if they were the most preposterous of assertions, but Arizona, finally gaining her composure back, just laughed.

"Are you really such a spoiled brat that you think you're absolved from responsibility in the OR?"

They'd entered into a sort of staring competition now with neither one of them looking to back down any time soon.

"Reports like this ruin careers" Amelia finally croaked.

Arizona felt badly, well a little, but she wasn't changing her mind "maybe you should have thought about that before you jammed an arrow into a little boy's skull." Her voice was quiet but confident and forceful enough to let Amelia know she wasn't going to win that fight.

So, that was their third encounter, which is why Arizona was absolutely delighted to see a less than happy Amelia slamming her tray down onto her cafeteria table today, overjoyed really.

"Why do you have paint on your forearm?" Amelia blurted out the question without so much as a prefacing greeting.

"What?" Arizona questioned in confusion. This caused Amelia to grab at her forearm and turn it over to display the blotchy spot of stubborn paint Arizona hadn't been able to wash away.

"Did you have sex with doctor hottie? Freaky!" Amelia smiled with satisfaction at the unacknowledged fact that Arizona had taken her advice.

"Oh my god, stop it" Arizona demanded, but again it was of no use.

"What? She's sexy, and clearly very inventive. I would have gone with honey, but paint" Amelia paused while conjuring up an appropriate visual image "yeah, paint's good too." She smiled again and this time Arizona had a good idea why.

"Are you done?" Arizona said this more as a statement then a question.

Amelia reached down to her bag and pulled out two file folders. The look on her face went from jovial amusement to complete seriousness in less than a second. Given everything that had happened, Arizona thought she might have an idea what was about to happen.

"Empty your pockets" Amelia demanded.

Arizona seemed shocked, and obviously unwilling to comply.

"I was high off my ass at Hopkins that year" Amelia explained. "I had to call my sisters to vouch for me after you filed that report. And the sad thing is, even after that, I didn't want to admit I had a problem."

Arizona was finally starting to understand, this wasn't Amelia paying her back, this was Amelia's idea of helping.

"Those are two different reports, the one I file, is going to depend on your ability to be honest right now" Amelia continued. "Empty your pockets."

Amelia waited patiently, then watched as Arizona reached into her pockets and pulled out a few lollypops, her cell phone, a pen, her script pad, car keys, and finally a half empty bottle of pills.

Amelia picked up the pill bottle, examining it the way she had the one in the locker room the day before.

"Flexeril, not bad." Amelia assessed. In a way, Arizona was relieved to be dealing with Amelia's reaction and not Callie's Amelia seemed to be assessing Arizona's pills as if she were in contention for a merit badge, Callie would have simply freaked the hell out.

Amelia grabbed the pills off the table and dumped them in the trash before walking back over to sit with Arizona.

"You are not addicted; at least not to pills" she explained "An addict would have never given up those pills so easily"

Arizona figured Amelia had some authority in the matter, so she trusted her assessment of the situation, though it officially removed her from the label of drug addict. But, if she wasn't addicted then what was her problem? Arizona may have been in some form of denial but even she knew there was a problem.

"What am I supposed to do?" Arizona asked earnestly.

"I don't know you could try having more sex with doctor hottie" Amelia offered, causing Arizona to give her the side eye.

~~~~XX~~~~

Callie had spent most of her day combing through applications and setting up interviews. Not by any of her own doing, but April Kepner managed to land an in-person interview thanks to Owen's instance and Avery's influence. Callie wasn't thrilled about it, but it was to be expected, office politics as usual. She'd reached the midway point. The callback pile was about a third the size of the crap pile. Owen was amazed at how many applications they'd received literally dozens, they'd already added ten new orthopedic nurses and given Callie room in the budget to hire a personal assistant. Callie did not want a personal assistant, personal assistants reminded her of April Kepner, which is why she also did not want April Kepner.

Just as Callie was pondering possible interview questions, Cristina poked her head in looking around the room before letting herself in.

"Dr. Torres I need a consult when you get a second"

Callie stared at the pile of resumes in front of her, the daunting task ahead of her finally settling in. "Doesn't look like I'll have a second any time soon between this, the Harper Aver stuff, and worrying about Arizona's leg…"

Cristina had known Callie long enough to know she was a talker and if she didn't interrupt right away Callie would keep going until they somehow ended up talking about Callie's fifth grade teacher or some other random topic.

"Well, whenever you have the time. Oh, and I'm sure Arizona's fine I mean she went all Flo-Jo on me a while ago so she can't be that bad off."

Callie looked up in complete confusion and shock, she wanted to ask questions, but Cristina was already gone. What else wasn't Arizona telling her?

~~~~XX~~~~

Callie and Arizona were walking back to their apartment together, mostly in silence. Arizona recognized the look on Callie's face, it was the same look she always had when she was on the verge of blurting out something big. She could do nothing but spend the entire walk in internal panic bracing herself for whatever was about to come out of Callie's pretty little mouth. Callie on the other hand, diverted her attention to Sofia in the stroller ahead of her doing double duty of pushing while occasionally initiating a tickle war that sent the little girl into a giggling fit. But, even that distraction, as cute as it was, didn't seem to be working. They'd made it to the elevator and Arizona assumed she was home free, but then Callie paused with her back to the elevator doors so that Arizona couldn't get around her. She couldn't hold the questions in any longer.

"I uh want to know who your doctor is." Callie paused to study the tired look on Arizona's face, "I need to know Arizona. What if something happens to you?"

Arizona blew out a puff of air which sent her hair flying up around her face.

"Not this, not now" Arizona tried to scare Callie off with a stern expression, but Callie wasn't having it this time.

"Yes now! Arizona, I am an orthopedic surgeon, I am the top ranked orthopedic surgeon in the region. If I wanted to I could make a phone call and find out in two seconds."

Arizona couldn't tell if it was intentional or not, but Callie had jerked the stroller away as she turned away from her. They watched the elevator doors swing open and stepped aside to let a neighbor by, making sure to quickly plaster smiles on their faces. The last thing either one of them wanted was to be the subject of everyone's gossip at next month's renter's association meeting. Arizona used the short pause to ponder Callie's words. It was true, she could have easily made a few calls and deduced the information on her own. She knew it had to take an incredible amount of self-restraint for someone like Callie to intentionally not investigate something like that.

"I know this is hard on you, I do. But, as my wife…" Arizona started.

"Don't you dare lecture me about what it means to be a wife, you have a family." Callie didn't mean to, but she'd ended up shouting which startled Sofia and she began to cry. Both Arizona and Callie reached down instinctively to take her out of the stroller, but Arizona's hands got there first.

"Hey, sweet girl" Arizona cooed. "Everything's okay." She kissed Sofia's cheek for reassurance and in a weird way she felt it soothed her just as much as it did her daughter.

"Calliope, I am trying to protect you. Just trust me for once about that." Arizona managed to find her way around Callie and pressed the elevator button. She placed Sofia back in her stroller and waited patiently for the doors to open. The silence only lasted about a half second before Callie couldn't take it anymore.

"Protect me from what, the fact that your leg is fine? Did you ever even get those scans?"

Arizona froze, there was no point in denying it anymore Callie was too smart for that. The doors flew open and Arizona stepped on waiting for Callie to follow behind, except she didn't. Arizona looked straight forward holding the door open with her hand.

"Callie what are you doing?" she laughed in disbelief.

"I can't be around you right now. I, I'm going to spend a few days with George's mom."

Arizona smiled. She was still not willing to believe what was happening. "Oh come on, Callie over a stupid name?"

But Callie still didn't budge, she just stood there, staring disappointedly into the empty space around the elevator.

"Fine, okay. You win" Arizona huffed. "His name is Daniel Jonas. Last month we did a complete work up and everything looks…" Arizona couldn't finish, Callie was just shaking her head and refusing to hear any of it.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Arizona pleaded. The elevator door was now dinging impatiently begging Arizona to step out of the way so the doors could close.

"Not like this" Callie finally spoke, her voice was soft and resigned. With that she aimed the stroller forward and began pushing her way back down the hall. Arizona didn't have the strength to follow after them. She just slumped into a corner of the elevator and waited till it reached the right floor. She thought back to just before they'd reached the elevator. What if she'd said it right then? Would Callie still have walked away like that? She thought about that time Callie had begged her for a name and all she could do was give her a city. What if she'd just come clean then? She could have kept this from happening. But maybe it was like her dream, maybe Nick was right. You really can't change the past.

* * *

**AN**: Okay, I warned about it, or I tried to. Let me know what you think in the comments.


	14. A Yes or No Question

Callie had been stuck in interviews all day. For the most part they were long, and they were incredibly boring. One candidate was completely inept and treated the skeletal frame as if it were a rag doll. Another was quite possibly promising but Callie couldn't get over the fact that she chewed gum like a camel, chomping at it as if it were made of leather. Who chews gum in an interview? Well, clearly not someone who wanted to work with Callie Torres. Her last interviewee seemed to like everything, like really like everything. "How do you feel about animal tendon implantation?" Callie asked, earning the response "Oh I really like it I think it's great." She'd gone through a series of ten questions and each one received the same response "I really like that too, those are great", even when it didn't make sense to say so.

Then finally, there was April Kepner. Callie had been preparing herself for this interview as best she could. She'd heard stories about April flailing out at interviews and she wasn't about to let that happen again. April came in looking chipper as ever, but still a bit nervous.

"Have a seat Dr. Kepner" Callie began, waiting till April was seated before speaking again. "Kepner, before we get started let's just get some things out of the way" Callie finished.

April looked confused she thought perhaps Callie was going to turn her down automatically, but who would do that? Who would be so cruel as to ask someone in for an interview only to turn them down before they even had a chance to answer any questions?

"You love Jesus" Callie started again. "I love Jesus too, we both love Jesus okay."

April understood, this was Callie's not so subtle way of telling her to stick to the interview questions being asked.

The interview seemed to sail along smoothly after that and Callie was thoroughly impressed when April caught on to a trick question she'd tossed out to test her skill level. There was just one little problem, April Kepner had no board certification and every other candidate who'd applied had both a trauma and an ortho certification. Still, so far, April had given the best interview.

"Kepner, do you think you can get trauma and ortho certification within a year?"

April looked startled, then she looked panicked. She started to stammer but Callie cut her off before she could venture into crazy-town and ruin a perfectly good interview.

"This is a yes or no question" Callie calmly explained. "Answer yes, or no"

"Double board certified in a year" April still seemed shocked. "I can do that."

"Good" Callie sighed in relief.

Callie was thankful to have gotten through that experience without suffering through hurricane April and completely shocked to be putting April Kepner on her short list of final candidates. She'd filed her papers away and was heading down to HR to make a record when Frankie stopped her midway down the hall.

"Dr. Torres, how are you liking the new department?" Frankie asked, a satisfied grin growing across his face.

"It's amazing, I can't believe it's finished so quickly" Callie admitted.

"Yeah, it's a shame I won't be here to test it out a bit more." Frankie agreed while walking in step with Callie.

"Wait what? You're going back to Philly?" Callie hadn't expected to be left on her own so quickly. Frankie had been more of a help than she anticipated and she wasn't sure she could manage the newly expanded department by herself.

"Yeah, They want me back at MedCom for another project. I leave tonight actually."

Without even a second thought Callie turned toward Frankie and pulled him into a hug.

"Well" she sighed, "thank you, for everything. You guys really saved me"

Frankie hugged her back, then pulled away slowly. He was still smiling possibly even more now.

"Dr. Torres, thank you." He was about to walk away, but then he paused. Frankie couldn't believe he'd almost forgotten to tell her about this.

"Oh, Dr. Torres. I'm uh transferring to an overseas facility in about a year. They want me to name my replacement."

Frankie looked at Callie, searching her face for understanding. He really hoped he didn't have to fill in the blanks himself. But Callie looked just as anxious as he did. She was busy searching his expression and hoping she'd misunderstood something.

"This facility is nice" Frankie finally spoke up "but its small peanuts compared to the opportunities you could have at MedCom. I'd like to throw your name into the race, but well, you've got at least nine months to think it over."

Callie knew how ridiculous it sounded, especially coming from her, but lately, she missed not being wanted, especially right now. Nine months to think over the job of a lifetime, yeah that's no big deal at all.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona was finding it nearly impossible to go cold turkey without any resources, or more specifically without Callie. It'd been three whole days since she left and sure they'd talk at work, but Callie was always very clear that she wasn't going back to the same routine, and wouldn't be going back until Arizona could be completely honest with her. She'd just gotten out of a surgery with Richard and had planned on doing paperwork until her next scheduled surgery in two hours. Unfortunately for Arizona, Amelia Shepherd had other plans in mind.

"Hey, what're you up to?" Amelia asked informally.

Arizona couldn't believe Amelia's determination, but she wasn't about to give her another opportunity to make a mess of her life. Her last bit of "help" had turned everything into a complete disaster for Arizona.

"Don't you have a brain to mangle or something?" Arizona protested.

Amelia simply ignored her, choosing instead to grab the stack of papers Arizona had been holding away from her.

"Ooh what are these? Patient charts. So much fun!" Amelia mocked enthusiasm. "Can't you pass these off on some resident? I always do." She spotted some random resident coming down the opposite direction. "Here you go Dave" she spat as she shoved the stack of papers into his hands.

"My name's Garret" Arizona heard him call out as he continued down the hall.

"You're insane" Arizona yelped while trying to resolve the perpetual state of confusion Amelia always seemed to put her in.

"Good" Amelia laughed "cause we're going to a shrink."

Arizona had to laugh at this, it was absolutely the most preposterous of preposterous things Amelia had come up with yet

"Robbins, you need your head checked. I might not know what's wrong with you, but someone will."

For a second, just a small second, Arizona caught herself considering it. But then she remembered this was an idea that came from the mind of Amelia Shepherd. The answer had to be no.

"I am not going to see some shrink you dug up out of the phone book." Arizona insisted.

"Okay, first, it wasn't the phone book it was a park bench, and second you're seeing her. I still have that file."

Arizona stomped her foot and huffed in a bit of petulant resistance. "I hate you."

So, that was how Amelia managed to get Arizona to see a psychiatrist. Playing dirty wasn't exactly fair, but it got the job done.

~~~~XX~~~~

Callie only managed to fit in one surgery before she had to go home. So now she found herself on an elevator trying not to be preoccupied with thoughts about Arizona. She was headed down to the hospital daycare to pick up Sofia, but it seemed like the longest elevator ride she'd ever been on. Just when she found herself starting to relax, the elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Then, there she was, standing in front of her, looking beautiful, and broken all at the same time. Callie watched as Arizona stood at the threshold staring straight ahead at her, then casually stepped onto the elevator. Great, Callie thought, just how the hell was she supposed to get through two more flights in an enclosed space with Arizona looking like that. They didn't exactly have a good track record where things like this were concerned.

Arizona managed to mutter a soft "hi" that was all she could do for now.

Then Callie returned the greeting with her own equally soft "hey". Then it was back to silence. Callie quietly counted down the seconds as the elevator slowly reached the first floor. Then, mercifully, it came to a halt and the elevator doors crept open. Arizona made no attempt to hide her desire for a quick exit as she swiftly stepped past Callie and began turning toward the entry way to the parking lot. However, in the process, she'd brushed up against Callie just closely enough for Callie to catch the sent of her perfume. It was blindingly intoxicating. Without a moment's hesitation Callie grabbed hold of her arm and roped her back into the elevator. Arizona could feel herself being spun toward the back wall of the elevator while Callie kissed her as if she'd never have the opportunity to do it again. It was as if all they could see was each other. Callie dropped her hands to Arizona's face. Then they slip lower so that they were around her hips. This time, it was Arizona who pursued the kiss, matching and then exceeding Callie's intensity. The doors slid open again but they hardly noticed, they didn't want to notice.

Callie brought her hands back up to meet Arizona's face. Her skin felt warm and gentle the way it always did in her arms. "I miss you" she whispered before pulling away and walking down toward the daycare.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona sat in her car staring at a business card for what seemed like an eternity. She'd studied the cardstock, felt it for silk fibers, examined the quality of the ink. It was a nice business card. She read the print over and over again as if she might be called on to recite it at any minute. Dr. Marlena Evans Licensed Psychiatrist followed by a phone number and the address to her office. They'd spoken earlier in the day, but Arizona wasn't exactly up to talking at the time. As Arizona recalled she'd spent the entire visit counting the dots in Dr. Evans' ceiling tiles. There was however one question that stuck out for Arizona. Dr. Evans had been asking a series of inconsequential things and Arizona in turn replied with rather meaningless responses, but then Dr. Evans leaned forward. She had been studying Arizona's facial expressions.

"Do you feel like a pill would help you right now?" she stated the question so matter-of-factly that all Arizona could do was answer in complete honesty.

"I don't know"

Arizona watched as Dr. Evans leaned back into her chair scribbling into her note pad and reverting back to meaningless questions. Then the session timed out and Dr. Evans took a minute to explain something to Arizona.

"People always know the answer to yes or no questions. Indecision is simply the result of an unwillingness to accept the truth."

Arizona flipped the card over. She'd told Amelia that the visit was a waste of time and that she hated talking to strangers. She didn't need to be analyzed or have her problems run through a microscope and she hated having people look at her as if she was broken; she wasn't broken.

Amelia did her best to put things in perspective for Arizona. "Robbins, you are married to an amazing woman who for reasons beyond me seems to think you walk on water and yet here you are drifting off to sea by yourself."

Arizona still didn't seem to get it.

"No man's an island?" Amelia then offered, feeling satisfied that her words were finally hitting home.

So, here she was sitting in her car hours later trying to decide if she could bring herself to call this doctor and arrange another appointment, all because Callie missed her, which meant it wasn't completely over. Not yet anyway.

* * *

**AN**: Thank you for reading and thank you for reviewing.


	15. Accept It

Arizona found Callie staring at the surgical board, she knew today was the arrival date for Callie's first official patient. There wouldn't be any surgery today, but Callie liked to check the surgical board whenever she was nervous or upset. If she spotted a surgery that peeked her interest, she'd write her name in and hope that it would be enough to calm her nerves.

"Hey" Arizona smiled "Has he come in yet?"

Callie turned to see Arizona had a cup of coffee for her. It was a small gesture, but it was an important one to Callie.

"No, not yet. They should be arriving after lunch. Kepner is going to brief them on what to expect and then uh we'll schedule the surgery" Callie was still nervous even as she explained the process to Arizona.

"Kepner?" Arizona questioned.

"Yeah, I know" Callie laughed. It was beyond surprising to her too. But, try as she did, she couldn't find a single candidate as invested and thorough as April had shown herself to be. There was an awkward silence, Arizona didn't want to leave yet, but she wasn't ready to say what she had to say. Callie wanted to speak, but she couldn't find a way to explain that kiss in the elevator, or why they hadn't really talked about it since. Callie's pager went off, forcing her away from the board. She started to walk back toward the orthopedics department when Arizona stopped her.

"Callie," she took hold of her arm, forcing her to make eye contact. "It's been a week."

Callie stared back at the board. She knew exactly how long it had been, it wasn't really easy on her either.

"I know how long it's been" Callie sighed.

Arizona smiled; it was a genuine and hopeful gesture. "Then come home"

She'd thought about it, Callie really had. But going back home when nothing had changed was just out of the question. Still, the O'Malley's were nice, but they weren't Arizona. Callie missed her wife, and their daughter really missed her mother.

"Sofia really misses you" Callie relented.

"Then come home" Arizona insisted, her voice just as hopeful as the first time.

Callie paused, thinking things over again. She turned to speak again but was stopped by the sound of her pager going off again.

"I've got to go" she stammered, regret visible on her face. "We'll talk later."

~~~~XX~~~~

April hadn't gotten much sleep in the past few days in between trying to stay fresh on her trauma training she was also staying late every day so that Callie could brief her on orthopedics. The plan was she'd study everything every day until a week before the boards. Then, she'd schedule both exams for the same test period and get them knocked out in one shot. Well, that was Callie's plan for her anyway, April really was just waiting to fail again. She'd gotten used to disappointing. So, if she wasn't studying, she was scheduling and prepping equipment, and treating patients. She didn't mind though, it provided her with a good enough excuse for avoiding Jackson.

She'd just gotten done with her first official hip replacement. She didn't like it very much, she didn't really like ortho, but she understood it and it gave her a way back in; her only way back in. So, she committed herself to knowing and understanding everything there was to know and understand about the specialty, right down to average bone density in a fully developed adult categorized by height and gender. Callie probably would never ask her anything about that, but she liked being prepared even for the most remote of possibilities.

But right now, she was just trying to calm her nerves. She'd been running on coffee all day and was coming down with a bad case of the jitters. It was so bad in fact that she could barely hold her grip on the door knob to the patient meeting room. Normally, she'd think no big deal, just another patient, who's going to notice, but this was Carson Russell, the first official trial patient in Callie's newly funded veteran recovery center. He was fresh from Afghanistan, as April had been told all of the vet patients would be arriving within a week from the time of their injury. So, it was very important that they did not mess anything up. If she said the wrong thing and scared Carson off, April knew there'd be no coming back from that; Callie would just as quickly ship her back to Moline. April pushed the door open to find Callie sitting in a chair directly across from Carson, no bed, no desk, no surgical equipment. His right arm lay on his lap and he patiently tapped away to some random song in his head as Callie spoke, from that angle he looked like any other guy you might meet on the street. But then April looked down to his other side at a swollen mass of unrecognizable flesh. She could see the bone sticking out in places where muscle tissue had been ripped away by God only knows what. She couldn't help wondering if it hurt as much to deal with as it hurt her to look at it.

"Dr. Kepner!" Callie sternly barked after catching April staring for far too long. She then turned her attention back to Carson. "Dr. Kepner's going to take some measurements and then we'll brief you on our plan and what you can expect" Callie explained, making sure to greet Carson with a warm smile.

April pulled out her measuring tape and moved to Carson's other side to better position herself. "I'm sorry, about before…" she started to say, but was swiftly cut off by Carson.

"It's alright ma'am, I'm still not used to it myself. Guess I haven't really accepted it yet."

Callie put her hand on Carson's knee as a measure of reassurance. "With any luck" she smiled "hopefully you won't have to."

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona hadn't been able to stop thinking about Callie's words all day, or better yet, her lack of words. This was the first time all week that she'd asked her to come home and Callie didn't outright deny her. She figured this meant it wouldn't be much longer. Honestly, if it weren't completely archaic Arizona would have gone down to Louise's house and dragged Callie home herself. She hated when Callie got stuck on proving a point so much that she felt the need to grand stand. Maybe though, they could start small, baby steps Arizona told herself.

She spotted Callie coming out of the OR with Amelia and took the opportunity to see if she was right after all.

"I've been thinking" she began, looking squarely at Callie and ignoring Amelia who stayed in place right by Callie's side, even though Arizona was sure she had other things she could have been doing

"I really would like to see Sofia, it's been a week and if…" before she could finish her big speech Callie cut her off.

"Of course you should, um tonight's good for me" Callie smiled. "How's tonight for you?"

Arizona smiled feeling reassured and satisfied "Tonight is good, tonight is great."

Amelia was trying very hard to silently process the exchange going on in front of her, she wasn't always very good at being silent. But, for the sake of professionalism she was making an effort. Except that Arizona wasn't making it very easy. She obviously had her wires crossed and Amelia found it difficult to believe that she Arizona couldn't see she and Callie were saying two different things.

~~~~XX~~~~

Arizona sat patiently, counting the dots in the ceiling tile again as Dr. Evans scribbled away in her note pad. She'd decided that this would probably be her last visit. Whatever Dr. Evans had said last time must have worked. She figured she didn't need any more psychoanalytic mumbo-jumbo.

"I have a date" she gleefully chirped, surprising Dr. Evans. "With my wife, I have a date with my wife…and my daughter."

Dr. Evans lowered her glasses to study Arizona's face, she was finally starting to settle on a diagnosis.

"You seem happy about that" she observed causing Arizona to wonder why she was paying such a high hourly rate.

"Well, that's because I am, Callie's finally come to her senses and…"

"Dr. Robbins why do you have a date with a woman you're married to?" Dr. Evans cut her off.

Arizona rolled her eyes, she didn't really appreciate Marlena's tone and the more she stayed the more she was convinced she didn't need to be there in the first place.

"What I observe in you, Dr. Robbins, is an inability to accept the truth I'm fairly confident it's symptomatic of a larger problem. " Marlena paused to study her voice before leveling her diagnosis. "I believe you're suffering from dysthymia."

Dr. Evans let her words sink in, she knew Arizona understood the diagnosis and didn't feel the need to go into further detail about what it meant. "I think even before the plane crash, before you lost your friend, quite possibly for a number of years you've gone undiagnosed."

Arizona had heard enough. She knew who she was and she knew what her flaws were. She was not depressed. She was fine. Maybe she had a minor issue with dependency, but she'd quit that on her own without any help or twelve step program. She hadn't had a single pill in over a week, which she took as evidence that she was stronger than ever. So what if she had a few setbacks, everybody has them, the last thing she wanted to do was sit around listening to some pseudoscience about how it was supposed to mean something. She'd deal with it on her own.

"You're wrong" Arizona stated flatly.

"You fell out of a plane" Dr. Evans countered "Then you spent almost forty-eight hours lost in the woods suffering from an exposed femur, internal bleeding, and bacterial infection. But you can't even admit why you were on that plane in the first place, just like you can't admit why you keep choosing doctors who seem to be inconveniently located far away from the hospital where you work. A hospital that by the way has its own psychiatrist on staff, and just like you can't admit why you are going on a date with your wife, your wife Dr. Robbins."

Arizona knew what she was getting at, but she'd already decided it wasn't true. It couldn't be, she was literally the happiest person she knew.

"You're saying I have mild chronic depression, which I've been dealing with it for years. I'm a doctor; I would know if I have… no I am happy. I eat sunshine and rainbows for breakfast" She shook her head in disbelief, then gathered her things to leave. "Thank you, but you're wrong."

Marlena put her note pad down and looked Arizona directly in the eye. "We only recognize what we want to Dr. Robbins. You exhibit a consistent pattern of behavior, rejection and loss followed by an obsessive need to push people away and isolate yourself. There is a truth here Dr. Robbins, sooner or later you have to accept it."

~~~~~XX~~~~~

Arizona pushed Sofia's stroller up over the elevator threshold. She was trying her damndest to keep it together. But after returning to the hospital hopeful for a night with Callie where they could finally talk it out, only to find out she had grossly overestimated her luck, she wasn't exactly in the best shape. As it turned out Callie only meant for Arizona to take Sofia for the weekend, she hadn't actually meant to imply that they'd be spending the night together. It made for a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation in the middle of the hospital daycare.

She shoved it to the back of her mind and pushed forward until about half way down the hall she noticed Mark's door wide open. She didn't recall any news about the apartment selling so this was more than surprising to her. She peaked her head around the corner and noticed a stack of boxes hanging out in the hall. Admittedly she was getting ahead of herself, but, Arizona couldn't help thinking how much this would upset Callie, whenever she did decide to come back home. She parked Sofia in front of the apartment door then went across the hall to peek her head in and see if she might be able to say hello to their new neighbor.

The elevator door dinged open and she saw a figure walking toward her carrying two boxes piled one on top of the other. As the figure got closer she was able to tell the new neighbor was female, then closer still and she was able to tell the new neighbor was a brunette. Finally as she'd started to come to the end of the hall Arizona could tell exactly who she was dealing with. She definitely wasn't expecting this and she wasn't looking forward to it either.

"Hey neighbor" Arizona said with mock enthusiasm.

Amelia let down the last of her boxes and turned to face the now all-to-familiar voice. "Well" she sighed, "this should be fun."

Amelia was going to say something more, but she could see Arizona wasn't in a good mood and from the conversation she'd witnessed earlier, she had a good idea why. Arizona turned her back to Amelia and went back to trying to find her keys so that she and Sofia could get inside their own apartment.

"Do you want to have dinner with me?" Amelia croaked out through clenched teeth. It was difficult for her to ask, not because she didn't like Arizona, though there were issues there too. But mostly, Amelia had a hard time making friends, or admitting to herself that she needed to make friends.

"What?" Arizona laughed. "No, and don't do that, don't pity me."

Amelia rolled her eyes, she should have known better. "Whatever, I wasn't pitying you. I just…ordered too much Chinese food."

Arizona was about to head into her apartment, but then she thought back to what Dr. Evans had said. She considered her options and realized what she really wanted to do was hide in a corner until all her feelings went away, so, she thought, maybe this time she would try doing the opposite.

"Okay, but I'm not eating in there" Arizona made a motion toward the general direction of the apartment Amelia had seen fit to clutter up with a maze of boxes. "We'll eat at my place."

Arizona finally got her key in and pushed the door open with Amelia following her in behind Sofia's stroller.

"Cute kid" she observed after landing in the living room. "She looks like Dr. Hottie in miniature."

Arizona rolled her eyes; she was already starting to regret agreeing to this. "There is so much wrong with everything you just said."

"We're neighbors Robbins, accept it" Amelia insisted, giving Arizona a patronizing pat on the back.

Sometimes, like right in this moment, Arizona was all but sure that some force within the universe was having a whole lot of fun screwing with her. Still, she swallowed her pride and pushed her instincts aside, maybe dinner with Amelia wouldn't be so bad.

* * *

**AN**: So Amelia and Arizona have a bit of an un-friendship sort of friendship going on, if that makes sense to anyone but me. It's nothing more than that, but I really like the dynamics of something like that so I will continue to play with it. As always, let me know what you think in the comments, thank you for reading.


	16. Miraculous

**AN**: So, I got sidetracked by a horrible computer virus. Well, for anyone still reading I managed to find the rest of the story so without further ado, here's chapter 16

* * *

Callie was hiding in a supply closet, a supply closet of all places. She would have rather been in her office pretending to be busy. But, since Owen was giving hour long rolling tours of the new ortho department all day, the supply closet was her next best option. Her Modern Medicine article was finally published, but she didn't know until she got to work. She didn't know because the copy they'd mailed to her was sent to her home address, the home in which she was not currently residing. She found out as she was walking up to the hospital's main entrance to be blocked off by Amelia who held up the magazine waving it like a fan.

"They got your good side." Amelia called out to Callie who seemed all too confused.

"Who got my what?" she questioned as she approached.

"The Harper Avery committee" Amelia explained, "they finally published your official announcement."

Amelia had been holding on to the magazine for the better part of her morning. She saw it sticking out of Arizona's mailbox as she was leaving for work and decided she'd make better use of it than Arizona ever would. She wasn't expecting to see Callie's picture on the cover, but then she figured it was all the more reason she shouldn't feel bad for having taken the magazine without Arizona's consent.

Now she stood in front of Callie equal parts impressed with what she'd read about her work and hopeful that the details of her nomination would finally take some of the stress away from the situation. She was hoping mostly for Derek, but also for Arizona.

Callie's eye caught hold of the cover headline it read "Surprise: First Ever Double Nomination".

Amelia offered the magazine over to Callie with her hand outstretched as if passing a baton. "You should really read it when you get the chance." With that she went back to her business paying little attention to whether or not Callie followed her into the hospital.

Callie, as it turned out, had frozen in place staring at the cover and her photo which, by the way, she had no idea where they pulled it from. She was sure he'd used some secret GI Joe tactics to snap a photo of her working without her being aware of it. She told herself that she'd read the article after she got through with her morning locker room ritual. Well, that was her plan anyway. However, the minute she stepped inside she was greeted by a swarm of doctors and prospective interns who were all asking way too many questions. Callie didn't like all the eyes staring back at her all at once, she really did not like it. So, like any respectable doctor, she decided the best solution was to seclude herself in a supply closet and wait for it all to blow over.

She must have been in the closet for about an hour before she remembered the magazine in her hand. She picked it up and began thumbing mindlessly through the pages in search of the Harper Avery publication. She finally got to it and struggled to steady her hands as she attempted to focus her eyes on the words. Logistically, she knew it was good, but out of some strange force of habit, she was scared to read it for fear of being criticized. Still, she managed to get herself through the first page which was mostly background information focusing on her med school experience in Miami and some of her earlier surgeries. Callie figured since the first page wasn't so bad, she could probably get through the second just as easily, but after reading the words "her colleagues describe her as…" she couldn't go any further.

She decided whatever it was; she didn't need to read about it, she could just face it head on. She cracked the door just slightly and peaked her head around the corner before slowly making her exit. She made it about half way to her office before being greeted by April who was once again hopped up on coffee and far too spastic for Callie's liking.

"Dr. Torres!" April chirped. "Thank God, I've been fielding all your calls and I mean you have a lot of them today, not that I can't handle it. But, you told me to think like you, so um…"

"Dr. Kepner?" Callie looked concerned, she had no idea where this was going but it couldn't be good.

"I took the liberty of giving the local papers a few quotes on your behalf. I wrote them down!" April paused hoping for a sign of approval before continuing. "They're alphabetized."

Callie got to her office and turned on the light to find a line of post-it noted decorating her custom desk made of petrified oak wood. Callie picked them up reading aloud one by one.

"To the Early Edition: It was a crappy situation but we rallied and it worked out" That one wasn't so bad, she wouldn't have used the word crappy for a professional quote, but it was okay. However, they got progressively worse, and by the time Callie got to the Pacific Journal she'd had enough. "I don't see challenges; I see kick-ass opportunities…"

Callie shook her head in stunned confusion "Call them back and retract your statements, when you're done with that meet me in the OR prep room for Carson's first round of treatment." Callie looked on with worry as April nervously bit down on her lower lip.

"What now Kepner?"

April swallowed softly before forcing herself to speak up "Dr. Hunt pushed the treatment back to tomorrow morning." She finally explained.

~~~~XX~~~~~

Arizona was taking a break in the attending lounge when she finally saw it mixed in with an array of other magazines randomly arranged on the coffee table. She'd heard about it, of course she heard. In a hospital full of the world's busiest gossips, it was impossible not to hear. But, she hadn't actually seen it and she considered the possibility that she was subconsciously avoiding the magazine. But there it was, right in front of her. How could she not read through it?

She'd gotten to the last paragraph of the article when the door swung open and Cristina walked in. Cristina would typically walk right past without acknowledging anyone whose work didn't directly involve her for the day, but she saw Arizona reading Callie's article. She could tell Arizona was proud. In a way, Cristina was proud too.

"You know she's going to win right?" Cristina's voice was calm but confident.

But, Arizona was still in denial, she didn't want to be too hopeful. "They've never picked an orthopedic surgeon, they're going with cardio."

Cristina opened the fridge and was now searching through everyone's food for something that might interest her. "No, they're going with Callie" she reasserted.

"I know" Arizona finally admitted, doing her best to stifle the smile that breaking through on her face. She watched as Cristina finally settled on Jackson's left-over mac-'n-cheese, then shoveled forkfuls of it into her mouth without looking even the slightest bit undignified.

"So, Callie's like a super surgeon now" Cristina continued, "You two should celebrate."

Celebrate; this would be the time to do it if there ever was a time. She imagined they'd go out to Callie's favorite pizzeria, a small hole in the wall type of restaurant which was really nothing special in terms of ambiance. They did, however, serve the world's most delicious authentic Italian pizza which was both Callie and Sofia approved. Just thinking about it made Arizona's heart swell with regret. She'd spent the weekend with Sofia either watching children's television or trying to start her on early potty training. Then Callie called in the morning and made arrangements to pick Sofia up after work. It didn't seem like they were in a place to celebrate. She wondered if Callie had even read the article, if she knew anything about her, it was that Callie liked avoiding criticism, in fact she was so paranoid about it Arizona was sure Callie had convinced herself the article was somehow full of insults. She opened the magazine again turning to the last page of the article about Callie. Her eyes zeroed in on the very last word, _miraculous_. Arizona found herself smiling again, happy to know that everyone else was finally starting to see what she'd known all along.

~~~~XX~~~~

Callie walked briskly over to the nurse's station where Owen was busy briefing his assistant. He was mid-sentence but Callie didn't care, she made quick work of interrupting him and using her eyes to let his assistant know she'd been dismissed. "Hey, how you doing? Having a good day? I bet you are" She rambled. "Guess who's not having a good day? Guess whose day has been completely thrown off by your otho extravaganza and the fact that you bumped my surgery without telling me."

Owen sighed, he knew where this was going, but he needed Callie to see the big picture. She may love hiding out in the OR and doing surgery all day, but for the time being, Owen needed her to be the face of the hospital.

"I had to postpone the operation" Owen Explained without seeing a need to elaborate any further.

Callie rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You had to _postpone_ the operation because?"

Owen stood up straight and squared his shoulders "Torres, I need you to give a lecture this evening, I figure you can string something together by five so..." Owen hesitated for just a second, he felt a little bad about the last minute notice, "make it work okay."

She was on the verge of going into an indignant rage, she could actually feel her frustration with Owen spilling over inside her, but before she could say another word she was caught off guard by someone rubbing her shoulder. It was Arizona, she could tell just by the touch.

Arizona waited for Callie to acknowledge her presence. It didn't take very long as the touch seemed to have startled her away from her conversation with Owen.

"Do you have a minute?" Arizona asked, making sure to keep her tone soft and comforting.

Callie thought it over for a second; she really wanted to bite Owen's head off. But, seeing the crowd of people around them Callie thought better of it and decided to try talking to Arizona. They found a quiet spot in the middle of the hall, which actually seemed like an odd place to find silence, right out in the open. Arizona pulled the journal out and turned it open to the article about Callie.

"You should read it" she smiled. Arizona chuckled at the sight of Callie sheepishly dropping her head to the ground as if she'd been caught sneaking cookies from the cookie jar.

"I tried to" Callie admitted. "I couldn't get past the first page."

"Okay then" Arizona smiled. "So, page fifty three." She turned the page and began to read aloud.

"Her colleagues describe her as compassionate, prone to moments of brilliance, and a role model for others in the profession." Arizona paused to make sure Callie was hearing her before she continued. "Her nominations were earned primarily on the basis of two separate peer recommendations"

Callie was listening now, she was definitely listening now. She already assumed Owen wrote to them about the results of her cartilage research, but to be nominated twice in the same voting period and by two of her colleagues, it stunned her. She wanted to know who the wrote the second recommendation, she couldn't think of anything she'd done that was as noteworthy as Arizona's leg. She listened carefully as Arizona read through the article smiling at the poetic descriptions of Callie's cartilage research and the surgery that saved her leg.

Then she paused, Arizona wanted Callie to take in every word of the last few paragraphs. "Dr. Torres' second nomination comes as a result of an impassioned letter which included the phrases stubbornly determined and rare brilliance."

The article went on to explain that the second nomination was for Callie's use of robotic tools to mimic Derek's hand movements during his postop therapy. Arizona smiled again as she got to the last line "Considering the circumstances under which each of these surgeries were performed, it seems like no exaggeration to say the results of Dr. Torres' work are nothing short of miraculous."

Callie couldn't lie, she was glad Arizona forced her to hear out the rest of the article. She'd always assumed everyone in the hospital was ignoring her and really she didn't mind that either, but getting some positive attention from the people she'd been working with day in and day out for years now, that felt fantastic. She smiled, but then took in a long breath after remembering why she had no surgery for the day.

"But I can't give a lecture. I have no slides, and I hate being stared at."

Arizona thought back to Callie's last venture in public speaking. "Well, maybe you don't need slides. Besides," she added "I'll be there front and center, so if you get nervous you can just look at me."

They'd taken hold of each other's hands at some point and Arizona used her free hand to softly stroke Callie's hair.

"I love you" It just rolled off of Callie's tongue as naturally as saying hello would have. She didn't even think twice about having said it, at least not until she looked over to Arizona who was biting down on her bottom lip the way she always did whenever she was trying unsuccessfully not to cry.


	17. Teamwork

**AN**:A quick update, as promised

* * *

Callie had been pacing back and forth on the stage of the main lecture hall for about two minutes. People had arrived as scheduled, but it wasn't time to start yet. She looked over her notes impatiently scurrying to find something to busy herself with to keep from noticing the number of people that were filing in. When that no longer seemed to work, she'd glance up at the center of the room and see Arizona smiling and using hand gestures to remind her about random things like the time or just to try and smile when she spoke. Callie watched the clock slowly crawl toward five pm, she heard the door closing in front of her. Too late to run out now she thought. Drawing in a big breath, she took one last look at her notes before setting them aside. Finally, she looked up at Arizona again.

"How did you save that leg?" Callie spoke with a slight stutter. "That's the question I've been getting a lot lately, so hopefully, I can try and answer that today."

Callie paced the floor as she spoke, never quite settling on a comfortable spot. "As doctors we're used to weeks maybe even months or years of prep time before a surgery like this. On that day we literally had hours, maybe five or six hours to research and come up with a solution."

Callie was finding her stride now and starting to relax, she was so relaxed in fact, that she didn't even notice when Derek snuck in and took a seat next to Arizona. He was dressed in his street clothes and looked as if he hadn't shaved all week. It was the first time since the crash that he'd been in the hospital for a reason not related to Zola. Arizona thought of asking him if this meant they should expect him back soon, but she didn't want to push things. He seemed happy to be listening and genuinely captivated by Callie's recollection of events.

"Let's take this back a bit" Callie declared after finding herself stuck. "The first day, the first day was when all the important decisions were made. Any surgeon working in this hospital has to have an appropriate level of trauma training, enough to know the kind of choices we had to make. We'd already lost two surgeons, friends, family members, and loved ones on that first day."

Arizona listened patiently as Callie described the situation. By now she'd heard the story before, but she seemed to pick up new details with each retelling.

"The very first decision we made was that we weren't going to lose anyone else, so that's the mentality we had to start with."

Callie went on explaining how they drained the fluid from the patient's lungs. Everyone knew it was Arizona, but for the sake of formality Callie insisted on using generic terminology. Later she elaborated on what she did to maintain blood circulation to the leg while they waited for the bacterial infection to clear. Then she got to the fourth day. Arizona watched her pause on the stage standing perfectly still as if moving would cause her to lose her train of thought.

"You don't get through four thousand pages of research in five hours without a few extra sets of eyes" Callie joked "That, and a lot of coffee." This caused an unexpected burst of laughter from the audience and Callie's eyes shot up in surprise.

"By the end we knew we weren't going to amputate. We made a decision on the first day that we weren't going to suffer any more and so it wasn't just the patient's leg, it was our leg too." Callie finally took a break from pacing the stage and took a seat near the far left corner. "If you want the details of what was done medically, I'm sure you're all capable of reading my research in the hospital library. As for how we saved the leg. It was team work." Callie brushed a loose hair out of her face before continuing "teamwork, and a few crazy doctors willing to challenge the limits of possibility."

With that she was done, she gathered herself up and made her way off the stage.

She wasn't off the stage long before meeting up with Arizona who greeted her with an approving smile and nod.

"You were good" Arizona enthused. "You were fantastic."

Callie seemed unsure of herself "I was?"

Arizona was readying herself to respond when Derek spoke up from behind her, steeling Callie's attention away.

"You were." He confidently asserted.

"Shepherd" Callie cheered. "Does this mean you're done being a professional drool wiper?"

Derek laughed off Callie's latest adventure in snarky quipping. "I just came to congratulate you, if anyone deserves it, it's definitely you."

After a few gentle nudges from Arizona, Callie understood that she was supposed to thank Derek. It wasn't that she didn't know she needed to, she just wasn't sure where to start and was afraid of rambling.

"Thank you, that letter you wrote was…I um I'm glad you have a hand to cut with…if you want to…someday"

Arizona could see Callie was about to start a going off script so she decided to fill in the gaps for her. "It was a lovely letter, thank you."

Derek looked around observing the room full of doctors silently wondering to himself what surgery he might have been coming off of if he were on staff today. It was true, he was starting to get the itch for surgery again. The only real issue was that Amelia had already been bumped to head of neurology. She'd been teasing him about taking his job for the past week and as irritating as that was Derek didn't want to create another reason for Amelia to hate him. So, he was staying out of the hospital until he could figure out how to get his foot in the door without causing a big family debacle. He stood there for a while longer after Callie and Arizona had gone watching everyone else shuffling around the room and talking amongst themselves. He'd talk to Owen by the end of the week he reassured himself; Amelia would just have to get over it.

~~~~XX~~~~

They'd agreed to take a walk in the park after work. They also agreed to leave Sofia at daycare for a bit so that they could talk in private. The private talk was Arizona's idea, Callie just went along with it in spite of her fear that it was either going to end with intense hostility or intense sexual tension. They both acknowledged the fact that they needed to talk, and Arizona was ready to be the first to speak.

"You said you wouldn't leave" she started looking up at Callie as they meandered aimlessly through a pathway shaded by trees.

"I haven't" Callie tried to reassure Arizona "and I won't."

But, Arizona was persistent "You have, you're still wearing a ring but you're never home, If I want to share a meal with you I have to call you up and ask, we're splitting time with our daughter, and I can't even tell you about my day…"

Callie sighed. "It's not like you could tell me about it before."

Arizona paused before speaking again, she knew Callie was right, at least about that and she'd finally decided it was time to fix that. She spotted a bench up ahead of them and suggested that they have a seat. After settling down Arizona took Callie's hand in hers and did her best to gently guide her way into things.

"I need to know if you're ever going to come home, but you're right I haven't exactly been honest with you. So, I am going to tell you everything right now and then, you are going to make a decision right now."

Callie swallowed hard, she had no idea what was coming at her and she didn't know if she was ready to hear everything all at once. "okay" she finally relented.

There was no way to mince words; Arizona had finally started to understand what Dr. Evans was trying to tell her. There was the whole truth and then there was the truth that she could deal with. She needed to find a way to accept the whole truth, even if she wasn't quite ready to deal with it yet.

"I was upping my dosage, when you were my doctor, I was exceeding recommendations and I got scared."

Arizona was looking to Callie and expecting shock or anger, instead what she saw was somber understanding. "I know" Callie acknowledged. "I was going to decrease your prescription strength gradually."

Arizona froze, all that time she thought she'd been doing a great job of hiding things from Callie, how could she not see that Callie had known all along.

"Is that why you changed doctors?" Callie wondered aloud.

Brushing her hands against the arm of the bench Arizona looked nervously out at the city horizon ahead of them.

"I changed doctors because of your research, I changed doctors because this thing you did was turning into a career making opportunity and I was your prototype. I know you were mad at me, but all I could think about was how to protect you. I didn't want anyone to say it was your fault."

Callie was starting to see things in a completely different light, she'd been wondering what Arizona meant that day at the elevator, and now she finally had it. Arizona really had changed doctors to protect her.

"I couldn't talk to you about it because if I did have a problem and it came out…" Arizona couldn't finish the thought.

"You wanted me to be able to deny any knowledge of it."

They sat there for a while just taking in the day. Arizona rested her head on Callie's shoulder and for a while it felt like they were back to normal.

"I haven't by the way" Arizona added. "I've been off my last prescription for two weeks now."

Callie tried to relax but it seemed like every time she was ready to settle down Arizona had something new to add. In its own way though, Callie found the process comforting. It was a purging of truths and it felt good to be getting it all out there, for both of them. Callie was busy running her hands through Arizona's hair and sneaking in kisses against Arizona's neck.

"I've been seeing a psychiatrist" Arizona started up again finally managing to garner a noticeable level of shock in Callie. "She says its dysthymia, but I'm having trouble believing that I think mostly because I would rather it were something else."

"Like a drug problem" Callie joked. "Skelaxin and Flexeril closely resemble most generic antidepressants in structure" Callie explained. She'd attended enough orthopedic lectures to know the effects of their most commonly prescribed drugs.

"If you were already depressed, it would explain your reliance and why you were able to switch between different coping mechanisms so easily."

That was it, Arizona had all her cards on the table and now it was up to Callie to make a decision . Arizona waited patiently for Callie to say something, anything at all really. But she seemed to just sit there furrowing her brow in thought. Callie knew Arizona was waiting, but she couldn't say anything yet. She knew no matter how she worded it Arizona would end up disappointed.

"I meant what I said before" Callie started. "We are a team, so no more cutting me out. Dysthymia or not, you don't get to do this alone. You can't do this alone."

Callie paused to think over her next words, Arizona had been incredibly honest with her and she felt it was only fair for her to be equally honest.

"Teddy invited me to tour the MEDCOM facility in Philly and I accepted."

Callie watched Arizona's face go flat, then her eyes turn an icy color of blue. This is what she expected all she could do now was let Arizona talk through her frustrations.

"We're apart for a week or two and you already took a job out of state" she started. "You have got to be kidding me. What the hell happened to us being a team?"

Callie took hold of Arizona's hand again. "It's just a tour, and I want you to come with me. You and Sofia, we'll make it a vacation."

Arizona was stunned; she didn't know what to think or to say. She was angry really and not yet up to traveling. But, she was also afraid that if she said no, Callie would back out. Luckily, she didn't have to say anything. Callie's pager went off; it was the daycare sending a reminder about closing time.

"We'll talk about it later" Callie insisted before they both got up and headed back toward the hospital.

Arizona felt a rush of thoughts flash through her mind. First she thought about having to be on a plane again, having to voluntarily allow herself to be thrust thirty thousand feet in the air and spend six hours hoping not to find herself plummeting to the ground. She couldn't do that to herself, much less her daughter. She froze in the middle of the sidewalk.

"No" she blurted. "No, I'm sorry. I can't do it."

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	18. A New Perspective

**AN**:I think there are three or four chapters after this one so the story is winding down. It's really been fun writing and I'm excited about the end

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Now that she knew what she was dealing with, Arizona found herself questioning every discussion she made. If she left the cafeteria to have her coffee in the break room instead, she'd wonder if she'd only done it so that she could be alone. When she found herself pondering the source of Sofia's tears more than three hours after the actual crying fit had ended, she'd think that she must be blaming herself because of the dysthymia. So naturally when she found herself physically incapable of even thinking about getting on another plane, she figured it had to be her depression. So obviously when, after turning down Callie's offer for a family vacation, she found herself barricaded in the bedroom sitting at the foot of the bed and staring at a pack of cigarettes for over an hour, she knew then that she was reverting again. She'd tried to shrug it off at first. The cafeteria was too noisy, or Sofia was having a diva day; Arizona found any excuse to make herself feel less like she had a problem. But she couldn't deny it anymore. She flipped the cigarette pack over in her hands, then put it down and took her phone out instead. She was readying herself to call Callie when she heard someone pounding on the door.

Just walking to the door was a pain inducing process, the curtains were drawn and the sun was still out, she knew the minute she opened the bedroom door she'd be hit with way too much light. By the time Arizona got to the door with the knocking still going full force, she'd developed a bit of a headache. With every knock she felt like someone was slapping the sides of her head back and forth, combined with the sun induced blindness, she was one cranky woman when she finally swung the door open to see Callie and Sofia standing in front of her waiting patiently, both smiling as if happiness was an infectious disease they'd caught and were eager to spread.

"I was just going to call you" Arizona groaned while turning her back toward the hall in an effort to avoid the sun.

"Well, here I am" Callie answered while taking Sofia out of her stroller and into her bedroom.

"You sort of left me there at the daycare, but I'm here now. So, let's finish talking." Callie was trying hard not to think about the fact that Arizona just suddenly left while Callie was talking to the head of the hospital daycare. She would have been upset, but she was more concerned about where Arizona was and what she was doing than anything else. She followed Arizona into the bedroom and quietly shut the door behind them.

"There's nothing to talk about" Arizona retorted, her voice nearly silent but still firm.

Callie looked around the room, it hadn't changed since the last time she'd been there. Even the box of facial wipes she'd left on the dresser hadn't been moved. But she did notice something different. There, resting on the side table drawer was a pack of cigarettes. She thought back to the three other times she'd confronted Arizona about this, it was different this time though. This time she was seeing things through different eyes, it wasn't simple stubborn defiance, the cigarettes weren't the problem, Callie knew that now.

"You're not in a good place are you?" Callie finally spoke up.

Arizona sat back on the edge of the bed where she'd been sitting before, but this time she was joined by Callie. She felt Callie's hand resting comfortably in her lap.

"I feel like I'm holding you back, like you were right to leave me" Arizona admitted.

As hard as she tried Callie just couldn't understand what the big deal was. It wasn't an issue when Arizona wanted to fly to Spokane, so why was suddenly a problem now? Arizona could see the confusion on her wife's face, and it served as further confirmation of what she'd been thinking.

"I just don't understand, you didn't have a problem when you were…"

"Flying to Spokane?" Arizona cut her off. She didn't want to admit this, but there was no way around it now. "That was when it was just me."

Callie took in the statement then looked back at the cigarettes on the nightstand, then she thought back to the pills.

"You flew to Spokane because you were hoping the plane would crash?"

Callie instinctively kissed Arizona's forehead for reassurance, but she was rebuffed when she tried to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Then we won't go" Callie sighed. She waited a while for the moment to settle in, then she quietly got up and took the cigarettes off the nightstand. About ten seconds later Arizona heard the sound of the garbage disposal cycling for about fifteen seconds. It didn't take much thought to figure out what Callie had decided to do with the cigarettes this time. They spent the night together, in spite of Arizona's constant protesting. Callie refused to leave.

*****XX*****

The next day, Alex came marching over to Arizona in the middle of her lunch. They hadn't spoken as often as Arizona would have liked. Alex still felt guilty and Arizona felt her own sense of guilt. She knew she was the reason he turned Hopkins down and it made it hard for her to look at him. But, here he was. She put a smile on her face and hoped for the best.

"Hey, have you seen the board today?" Alex asked in lieu of a greeting.

"Yeah, is there something wrong with it?" Arizona knew she had a corrective surgery for a BEB patient with Amelia at 2pm and she figured Alex was angling for a swap.

"You have a surgery with Shepherd at two" Alex started.

"I'm not swapping my BEB for some appy" Arizona mocked. She watched as Alex tilted his head back and smirked with his trademark cockiness.

"Please, I do not need to trade surgeries, I've got an in with Hunt and a glioma at 2:30"

Alex's overly prideful confidence felt reminiscent of how they'd interact before the accident. It made Arizona smile, genuinely this time.

"So, what's the problem?"

"You can't have Shepherd at 2pm because I have her at 2:30" Alex explained.

Arizona had been chewing down the last of her salad, but stopped mid-chew at the sudden realization that Amelia had been double booked. This happened every so often in hospitals and usually it was settled by forcing the doctor with lower seniority to push their surgery back. But, that was something neither one of them were willing to do.

"I'm not moving my BEB, your glioma can wait." Arizona insisted.

"BEB's aren't life threatening, you push yours back." Alex shot back earning a scoff from Arizona.

What followed was an admittedly immature staring match with neither one of them seeming to want to concede. They were so focused they hardly even noticed when Amelia walked over and sat between them. Noticing the unbroken gaze-off, Amelia tried to break the tension.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"They double booked you in peds" Alex explained "and Robbins won't move her surgery." He managed to say all this without moving his eyes away from Arizona. Amelia found the whole display highly entertaining, but when Arizona suggested they play rock paper scissors to figure out who would have to move their surgery, Amelia couldn't ignore it anymore.

"If there's nothing wrong with the board, can I still watch you guys play rock paper scissors over me?" she questioned.

Arizona thought about it for a second before deciding there was no way she could understand the inner workings of Amelia's brain.

"You have a Shepherd" Amelia further explained while pointing to Alex. She then pointed to Arizona, "and you have another Shepherd" she finished.

"Derek's back?" both Alex and Arizona questioned in unison.

Amelia had just gotten out of a meeting with HR to straighten out her contract; she'd agreed to take a lower position as a neuro attending rather than the lead neuro attending so that Derek could have his job back.

"The prodigal son returns" she joked. "He's with Karev and Robbins looks like you and I will be…"

"No" Arizona interrupted. "No, you and I don't have the best track record when it comes to surgery…uh Karev do you want to trade?"

Alex had his own issues with Derek. Ever since the accident Derek had been noticeably hostile toward him. It was like Alex couldn't say anything right. He figured it had something to do with Lexie and Derek dumping his guilt on him, but whatever it was, Alex didn't have the patience for it today.

"sure" he quickly took Arizona up on her offer.

*****XX*****

Derek met up with Arizona to go over the patient films before the surgery. He felt a bit like he was playing catch-up, but he was excited to get back in the OR finally.

"Sorry about the last minute switch" Arizona offered while putting the films up on the light board.

"Don't worry about it" Derek insisted. He looked over the patient file then back up at the x-rays in front of him. "And she hasn't responded to Botox or magnesium chloride?" Derek questioned. He wanted to make sure surgery was their only option before proceeding.

"No, not even a little" Arizona admitted.

"Okay, well, have her prepped for surgery in ten minutes" He paused for a second with a smile on his face. He and Meredith hadn't told anyone yet and he was eager to share the news with someone.

"Hey, while we're here" Arizona watched as Derek pulled a folded up piece of paper out of his back pocket, "could you look this over, tell me what you think?"

Arizona took the paper from Derek and opened it up to reveal a realtor's flyer with their house listed for sale.

"You're selling?"

Derek nodded in the affirmative. "The new house has been sitting for too long, we're moving in at the end of the week"

Arizona could tell Derek was excited to be moving forward finally.

"Besides," he added "the old place reminds Meredith of Lexie too much, I think it's time we both got a new perspective."

Arizona folded the paper back up and handed it over to Derek. "It looks good, it looks really good."

*****XX*****

Watching Arizona jaunting around the hospital and chatting people up as if she were Suzy Sunshine made Callie's head hurt. She didn't get how her wife could compartmentalize everything so seamlessly, but it was what Arizona had to do. And, since she'd been reading up on it, she knew that people suffering with dysthymia couldn't handle being seen as less than perfect. Callie wondered if that was part of the reason Arizona never said anything when she was coughing up blood in the woods. Even the perception of just a slight imperfection could send her back into isolation mode. But, she figured, as long as things were getting better, she could play along.

She'd just gotten out of surgery with Garrett and witch went surprisingly well, except that April kept attempting to make small-talk. She asked about Sofia first which was fine, Callie loved talking about Sofia, but when April started talking about her marital aspirations and how much she hoped to find something like what Callie had with Arizona, Callie started to feel antsy.

"You two are perfect together, it's like magic. How do you make that happen?"

This is the sort of open-ended question Kepner felt was appropriate in the middle of a potentially life-altering surgery.

"You don't make it happen, it just does." That was all Callie could manage without saying more than she should. Under those circumstances, she was happy to be done for the day and heading home. She met up with Arizona in the daycare like they agreed and made their way out to the parking lot together.

They'd walked about ten steps with Callie staring suspiciously at Arizona who seemed like she was itching to share something with her.

"Okay what is it?" Callie finally asked.

"What's what?" Arizona teased.

Callie pulled Sofia's stroller around so that she was parked directly in front of Arizona's path. "You're smiling like a Cheshire cat which means you're up to something. So, what is it?"

Arizona laughed a little at Callie's furrowed brow. She wasn't sure if Callie liked surprises as much as she liked figuring them out prematurely. Every time Arizona tried to surprise her it inevitably led to this exact scenario.

"There's nothing to tell yet" Arizona relented which only made Callie even more curious.

"Yet?" Callie questioned. But Arizona shut her down. She wasn't going to let Callie walk her into a phraseology trap the way she usually did. She maneuvered her way around the stroller and kept walking toward the apartment.

"Let's go home" Arizona insisted.

She felt relieved that they were back to going home together, and also she was excited to see Callie's face when her plan finally worked itself out. Maybe Arizona still had some work to do, but for the first time since the crash she had a plan for the future, so that had to be good. Actually giving a damn had to count for something, and if nothing else, she figured she could always start there and work her way back to normal as she went along.

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	19. Turn Around

**AN**:This chapter and the next are in Callie's voice again. Sorry for the jump in tense but it is necessary for these two chapters. Also I've locked this fic in at 22 chapters, just FYI.

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Everything is music to me, even the silence. Listening to the slow steady hum of nothing at all is often the most soothing sensation I feel each day. The quiet is beautiful, it's thrilling and exciting, it's peaceful. It inspires all sorts of conflicting emotions, and I am in love with all of it because, like I said, silence is a song too. So, in the morning, just before everyone wakes up, before the track changes from the sound of nothing at all, to the sound of Sofia turning in her crib and Arizona fighting her body for five more minutes of rest, I'm usually awake sitting peacefully and enjoying the sound of it all. And imagine my surprise to discover that Arizona had managed to pull herself out of bed before me today. Well, it was true; I woke up to the covers half pulled back and her slippers missing from the spot of the floor on her side of the bed where she usually kept them. The bedroom door was cracked open and I could just hear the faintest of voices coming, it sounded like, from the living room. Reluctantly, so, so very reluctantly, I sat up still in a comfortable haze and pulled myself out of bed to investigate.

As I got closer the conversation grew more distinguishable. I knew my wife, knew the sound of her voice and the way it floated with the wind when she was happy and chopped at the air like a knife when she was upset. I also knew that the way she was speaking right now, her words strung together and floating with the air up-tempo like an unbroken chord strummed against a guitar, she had to be speaking to Amelia. I found their new friendship thoroughly entertaining since it mostly consisted of Amelia making outlandish proposals and Arizona stomping her feet and going on an endless filibuster before inevitably complying. Today, it seemed Arizona was busy hissing about Amelia's latest bedroom conquest, so much so that she hadn't even noticed me standing off to the side observing them. And, since I'd been given the day off to attend the Haper Avery Award ceremony, I figured it be a good idea to start the day off with a laugh. Amelia had made herself comfortable on the sofa, her feet propped up on the table resting next to one of Sofia's many sippy cups. They spoke to each other in a not so quiet whisper in some ceremonial and pointless attempt to be respectful of the still sleeping baby.

"Is there a doctor, is there one doctor in the state, or region, is there a doctor in this country you can have surgery with without sleeping with them?" Arizona demanded, throwing her hands up in genuine confusion.

I watched as Amelia's lips turned up in a confident smile. She tilted her head cockily and teased "I haven't slept with you."

At this, I decided it was time to let my presence be known, I could see Arizona rolling her eyes and, had I not stepped in, I was sure Amelia would have seen it as perfectly acceptable to continue listing off all surgeons and medical personnel she had or had not been intimate with.

"Hey, good morning, can we maybe try not to start the day off with a discussion of previous sexual partners" I announced as I made my way into the kitchen where Arizona greeted me with a kiss before reverting back to focusing solely on Amelia's latest misdeed.

"You slept with my student, then you show up with him for breakfast as if that's no big deal at all."

Amelia simply rolled her eyes. And, since I could see that my presence wasn't going to keep them from bantering back and forth about who was right, decided to try and find something to eat before Sofia woke up demanding her own breakfast.

"Okay first of all" Amelia started back up, "He was hungry, I was being hospitable, secondly I didn't know he was your student, and thirdly Alex is a grown man" she smirked again before adding "very grown!"

Finally having decided on a bowl of cereal and a small fruit salad, I made a small comment about Arizona needing to be nice since Amelia had graciously agreed to babysit for us while we were out for the day. This seemed to effectively quell whatever argument she had left in her and we all settled in to a nice enough breakfast for five or six minutes before Arizona heard the unmistakable sound of Sofia yawning herself awake and jumped out of her seat to get our little girl.

Arizona returned holding a smiling but groggy Sofia . She rubbed her little eyes with her little hands the way she always did in the morning and I found it thoroughly amusing every time. Quickly, Sofia turned her attention to the stranger in her living room. Yeah it was her living room the way every room she discovered in the apartment suddenly became her property. Naturally, she took offense to Amelia sitting so comfortable on the sofa and threatening the safety of her most prized sippy cup. She gave Amelia a hard stare-down, then, without further hesitation, commenced crying as if her life were in perilous danger.

"Did the scary lady frighten you?" Arizona teased, only causing Sofia's cries to grow louder.

Instinctively, I went over to where Arizona stood swaying Sofia back and forth. Taking hold of the little girl, I relieved Arizona and walked with Sofia over to the living room to formally introduce her to Amelia. She'd stopped crying but Sofia was still scowling in the adorable way that little children do, the sort of scowl that was impossible to take seriously. Normally, I would sit with her until she felt more comfortable, but today was a busy day and there was no time to wait for her to grant Amelia her stamp of approval so I sat her there, scowling and all, and left with Arizona back to the bedroom so that we could get dressed.

"She doesn't bite does she?" I heard Amelia called out as we walked down the hall. They'd figure each other out eventually. I mean if Cristina Yang could do it, it couldn't possibly be that difficult.

*****XX*****

I'd picked out two dresses the night before to choose from, but I was having the worst time trying to decide between the two as I looked at them hanging side by side against the closet door, my eyes darting back and forth as I weighed my options. One dress was fitted and black, and just the right length to still be professional while highlighting all my best features. The other was a rather long red number, with cuff sleeves and an intentionally visible zipper pattern on the back; it was the sort of dress Arizona would love to watch me leave a room in. Arizona was my sounding board; she knew before I even said anything that I needed her to pick for me.

"The red one, definitely the red one" she said while kissing my neck and walking off into the closet to pick out her own outfit.

She popped out of the closet just as quickly as she'd gone in and came back holding up a little gray thing with a printed trim pattern around the bottom. I quickly approved, one because she actually did look amazing in that dress and two because the last time I disapproved of her clothing she spent a full three hours tearing through the closet and complaining about a lack of options. Lesson learned.

Her attention quickly turned back to helping me with my clothing situation. I'd shimmied my way into the dress of her choosing and she took it upon herself to help me zip it up. Something about the sound of the zipper going up excited me, it was a subtle but whimsical sound that sort of buzzed up my spine like the feel of a back massager. Then there was the gentle vibration of Arizona making small circles with her index finger against the nape of my neck, She was standing so close that I could smell her perfume wafting over from behind me. I took in the soft sound of her finger circling round and round, prickling the small hairs that trailed down my neck. I was drowning in the feeling it gave me so much so that I didn't even realize what she'd done. It wasn't until I heard the sound of my zipper going back down and felt the subtle heat of her breath whispering against my skin, not until I looked up and saw the look in her eyes, did I realize she'd walked me right into a trap.

"On second thought, I think I like the black one better" she said smiling suggestively. I let her tease me with kisses for a while before finally convincing myself to get it together.

"Come on Arizona, we've got a four hour drive" I insisted as she continued her pursuit.

"We are going to one of the most prestigious award ceremonies in our profession" Arizona countered, "We should celebrate."

I took hold of the hand she'd draped over my shoulder and held eye contact with her as we both looked in the mirror.

"I could lose you know." I stated it as if she were completely unaware of the fact, but Arizona mostly ignored me.

She kissed my shoulder then smiled to herself. "If you win, we'll celebrate" she insisted with her intention ever clear. Then she kissed my neck again "and if you lose, we'll celebrate." I felt her hands slip to my sides as she gently eased the dress from around my waist and we both watched it fall to the floor. Then, just like that, she scurried off to the bathroom.

"Hey" I whined, "where're you going? I thought we were going to…"

"Callie" Arizona chimed in, "four hour drive, we've got to get moving like now." She said it as if I was the one who'd initiated all the shenanigans in the first place. "Besides" she added, "I am not doing anything with McPervy in my home. I don't even know how you talked me into letting her watch Sofia."

And just like that, Arizona was back to giving another rant about Amelia. She hated when I pointed out that she actually liked Amelia, so I just let her keep going until she ran out of words or lost her train of thought.

Arizona came out of the bathroom looking, well, I'm not entirely sure how to effectively describe it except to say she knew what I liked and she enjoyed flaunting it in front of my face. To the layman's eye she'd likely look every bit like the sophisticated professional she was, but I could look at her from across a crowded room and know undoubtedly, that everything from the way she'd straightened her hair to the careful selection of her jewelry was meticulously planned for the sole purpose of sending my last seduction inspired fantasies into overdrive.

"That's not fair." I very bluntly huffed while she just confidently strode around the room till she found a comfortable spot at the foot of the bed and sat herself down watching with quiet pleasure as I changed into the black dress. Call me weak, but I couldn't take watching her watching me.

"Turn around" I insisted.

"Is there a problem?" Arizona teased.

But, I was adamant. "Either, you turn around or we're never going to make it out of here."

But Arizona was unrelenting she just seemed to focus her gaze even more, that is until Arizona heard Amelia call out from the living room. "Should I take the kid to my place? Or are you two still just flirting with the idea?"

After a short while we got ourselves together and went out to the living room to kiss Sofia goodbye. She was still scowling at Amelia and she threw her empty sippy cup in a haphazard fashion that ended up hitting Amelia squarely in the forehead. While I was genuinely embarrassed, I couldn't help laughing. Then Arizona joined in, we all did, even Sofia who'd finally forgotten she was supposed to be upset. In a way it felt like we'd all forgotten about being upset or sad today.

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** Thank You for reading I hope you enjoyed**


	20. Political

We walked into the grand ballroom arm-in-arm. We were an hour early but the room was already half full of doctors and their friends and family, everyone circulating and chit-chatting, sharing the latest gossip. Each nominee's hospital had a table reserved in their honor for distinguished board members and hospital staff. There were ten chairs per table and they'd been instructed to invite the nominee plus nine hospital staff and board members of their choosing. Owen took over most of the selection process, I guess because he knew if I'd had a choice I would have left him off the list. So, at the Seattle Grace Mercy West table he'd invited Derek, Meredith, Cristina, Richard, Teddy, Alex and a few board members and himself of course. I looked over to the other tables and saw a similar setup. Preston Burke sat with a group of rather overtly southern looking surgeons from Georgia. Since leaving Seattle Grace he'd turned into a bit of a hospital hopper, jumping from ship to ship for the sole purpose of advancing his name and status. Maggie Stone seemed every bit as lively as her bio presented her to be. She didn't seem to sit still more than five seconds before getting up to circulate and greet another familiar face. But, I knew the second Cristina had the chance she'd be leaving our table and dragging me with her to make her introduction as I'd promised. Well, Colin Marlow was another story entirely. He sat smugly at a table full of other smug faces. All the drab at that table could have sucked the energy right out of the entire room if anyone had bothered to look over in that direction for more than five seconds.

It hadn't even started yet and I was already having an amazing time taking in the scenery. I reminded myself that I'd likely only get to experience this once and that made every moment that much more important. The taste of the Champaign, the glow of the chandeliers, the color of the table settings, even the weight of the silverware made the four hour drive to Portland worth every second. I felt my watch ticking against my skin as the clock ticked from 6:59pm to 7:00pm. Then, like clockwork, out went the lights until they were just a shadowing glow softly sparkling against the walls, the drum roll qued up and built into a thundering roar, the conversation died to a whisper, and a spotlight shot from the back of the room to the center of the stage.

Jackson and his mother Catherine walked out onto the stage escorting his grandfather who stood between them.

"Ladies and gentlemen" he began as he reached the podium at center stage, "welcome to the 30th annual Harper Avery Award Ceremony celebrating surgical excellence."

Catherine and Jackson then swiftly left the stage and descended the stairs to sit at a table populated with what I could only assume were other Averys. For the next hour and a half various presenters went on and on about the charitable work the Harper Avery Foundation had done on behalf of disadvantaged communities,what the status previous winners had gone on to achieve, and the foundation's outlook on the future of surgery. All the while Arizona kept herself busy making small talk and picking at the food on her plate the way she always did. She decided that even though we'd ordered the exact same dish, mine was somehow better prepared than hers. Because of this I only got to eat when she saw fit to stop picking the food off my plate and putting it on hers, or if she felt like feeding it to me herself. Then came the part everyone had been waiting for. The lights dimmed again until the room was even darker than it had been previously, the drumroll queued up again until it built to a crescendo, then the spotlight shot around the room in hurried fashion until finally settling on Preston Burk's table.

A rather portly man walked across the stage and approached the microphone. He proceeded to speak rather eloquently and poetically of all of Preston Burk's many achievements. A slideshow of photos played in the background displaying before-and-after photos and pictures of the patient Burk had pumped full of helium smiling and looking happy post-op. The speaker was enthusiastic and self-assured and by the time he was done I was convinced Preston Burke would win. But, when I told Arizona this, she kissed my cheek and softly and whispered for me to wait it out. Meredith excused herself from the table saying that she wanted to get a refill or something, I didn't think much of it, I was too busy watching the show.

The spotlight shot around the room again, this time settling on Colin Marlow. A rather stiff woman then approached the podium and dryly spoke of Colin Marlow's own achievements. I couldn't help but notice him watching for Cristina's reaction as a slideshow of his specially designed robot in action played in the background. Cristina was not amused and honestly I couldn't blame her, Marlow's speaker was about as rigid as the robot Colin built. Still, she sounded confident and regal in her speech and when she was done I was sure Colin Marlow would win. But, when I told Arizona this she simply rubbed my hand reassuringly and whispered for me to wait. I felt her head gently resting against my shoulder and I felt myself calm down. Owen then got up to excuse himself saying that he'd spotted a fellow army doctor in the audience and wanted to say hello. I thought it was strange that Teddy didn't follow after him, they'd been in the army together after all, but I was caught up in the pageantry so I didn't really think much of it.

The lights shot around the room again and this time I knew it was either Maggie's turn or my own. Sure enough they settled on our table and I watched as Owen and Meredith who'd been waiting out by the stairs walked onto the stage. I couldn't help it. I felt a sudden rush of anxiety flush over me. Every eye in the room had settled in on me, and it made me feel like crawling out of my skin. But, Arizona just rubbed my shoulder and insisted I had nothing to worry about. Owen spoke first.

"I can tell you from firsthand knowledge how intimidating it can be as a surgeon" he started, "to know that the life and career of another surgeon are squarely in your hands. Dr. Callie Torres faced that scenario many times over in one day and came out on top."

As Owen spoke a slideshow of various x-rays of injuries suffered during the crash played in the background. Then he started to talk about the cartilage research and how I'd applied it in order to save a colleague. Everyone seemed to know what he meant by colleague, it was sort of this unspoken politically correct terminology that had taken the place of words like partner, or lover, or wife. Oh well, so they had to be discrete when discussing the surgery. All I had to do was look at the big picture to know that it had all been worth it in the end.

"The foundation often awards the sort of work that goes on to be studied in medical text by students for years to come. And, sure, Callie Torres has produced work of that magnitude this year, her research is right now being applied to save and alter the lives of countless soldiers. But," Owen concluded, "I would argue she has the sort of quiet focus in the face of complete chaos that medical schools should teach classes on."

Owen stepped off to the side and then it was Meredith's turn. She spoke briefly of Derek's hand and the slides changed to reflect the x-rays of his joint functionality pre-treatment, then to reflect how he'd progressively gotten better as time went on. Then Meredith paused and looked out into the audience until her eyes fell directly on mine.

"Many of you know of my mother, some of you had the opportunity to work with her." She smiled briefly as if recalling her mother's memory.

"Grey is a hard name to live up to" Meredith continued. "But, I think if my mother had the chance to meet Dr. Torres, she would have been thoroughly impressed. I know I am" With that they both walked off to the right and returned to our table. I still felt a bit like sliding out of my seat and falling into a puddle on the floor, especially when everyone in the room erupted into an impromptu applause initiated by Teddy. I was more than grateful when the spotlight mercifully circled the room again and settled on Maggie Stone.

A distinguished and slightly exotic looking man walked up to the stage and announced himself as Dr. David Hayward. He spoke just as eloquently as everyone else had, but by now I felt a slight sense of confidence. Not that I thought I would win, but just that I at least deserved to be there just as much as everyone else. I didn't have to look far to know who and what had inspired my sudden change of feelings. It was Arizona's unwavering reassurance. Meredith and Owen's words helped, and sure Teddy's exuberant enthusiasm was hard to miss, but Arizona and her calm confidence in me was all I needed, it was all I ever needed.

The stage cleared and Catherine once again ascended the stairs and approached the podium with an envelope in hand. With every step she took I could hear my heart beating louder. It really could be me and I'm sure I would never have heard it either way because the loud thumping of my heart as we all watched her fingers toying with the seal of the envelope drowned out all the other sounds in the room. I couldn't hear anything else, no conversations, no voices, just my heart beating out of control. I was sure it would either explode or I'd pass out first. Then, I saw her lips moving. I'm not sure what she said, but they told me it was my name. Of course I didn't believe them until Arizona started shaking my arm trying to pull me out of my trance and Teddy jumped up like an excited puppy jolting over to my side of the table to give me a hug. Then the lights shot back toward me and everyone in the room turned toward our table. Then I knew I should probably get up or something. Arizona leaned in and whispered one last thing. "One step at a time, I love you" she said and I felt her lips press against my cheek before she quickly took her seat again.

As I walked, I just kept playing her words in my head "one step at a time" until they drowned out the sound of my heart beating and they began to play like a chorus in my head. Then I was finally on the stage with my feet planted firmly beneath me, if she only knew she'd carried me there the whole way.

"Thank you" I started before suddenly realizing I didn't even know what I won for. I nervously unfolded the envelope Catherine had handed me as I walked up the steps and read it to myself, I must have mouthed the words because everyone laughed as they watched me suddenly realize I'd won for the hand surgery.

"Right so, thank you honestly I didn't expect this. I was just trying to do the thing that I became a surgeon to do." I looked out at everyone looking back at me attentively, then back at Arizona who was smiling with pride.

"I never set out to be amazing, that sort of seems like an impossible task to me. But I have, in my work, tried to achieve amazing things. I think that is something we all do and I would be remiss if I didn't mention that of all the accomplishments in my career none of them would have been possible without the help and advice of my colleagues and I am incredibly grateful for that. I am also incredibly grateful for the love and support of my family and friends. My best friend who I lost almost a year ago today, my daughter, and especially my wife who has been my motivation and my strength, they are the reason I am even on this stage today."

I could see Arizona trying very unsuccessfully not to cry. Teddy was already a ball of tears and using her table napkin to wipe her eyes.

"Thank you again, to the foundation and to my fellow surgeons, you all inspire me, you all encourage me to believe I can do amazing things; thank you."

Then, after first walking in the wrong direction, I left the stage walking as quickly as I could back to my seat. Everyone applauded me and I did my best to politely simmer their enthusiasm. When the table settled down I took the opportunity to pass the trophy around so that everyone could get a look at it. Owen explained that the hospital would be shipped a copy in the coming weeks. After a while though, it seemed Arizona was just slightly agitated and itching to get out of there.

"Everything okay?" I asked leaning into her ear so no one else would hear me.

"Everything's great" Arizona insisted with a genuine smile. "but uh…I really like that dress" she explained and then I suddenly understood.

Realizing we were in a hotel, I had a sudden burst of brilliance. "We could get a room, you know to celebrate" I suggested which Arizona swiftly approved of. And just like that I became a woman on a mission. I got up and motioned for Cristina to follow me which she did eagerly. We found Maggie sitting next to Colin Marlow at the bar. Colin was nursing a drink and looked to be in a bad mood which Maggie was trying pointlessly to talk him out of.

"Dr. Torres" he announced upon my arrival. "Well, congratulations" His British tongue sliced at each syllable in a way that made his disapproval of my win more than obvious. I gave Cristina a look that let her know if she felt uncomfortable I'd try again later, but she insisted on staying unshaken by Dr. Marlow's latest adventure in petulance.

"Dr. Stone and I were just discussing how these sort of events have grown increasingly political" Colin continued. "Wouldn't you agree Dr. Torres?"

For a while I just stood there with my mouth agape, I hadn't even fully processed the accusation before Dr. Stone spoke up on my behalf.

"You know Dr. Marlow" she began with a hint of mystery in her tone. "I read an article about a single incision ventricular repair performed in China" She waited till she had Marlow's full attention.

"Well, I'm sure they were inspired by my technique" Colin boasted.

Then without missing a beat Dr. Stone jumped back in and cut him off at the knees. "Well, I read the article when I was in med school ten years ago, so, not likely."

With that we all quickly made an exit and found a corner of the room to properly introduce ourselves.

"Dr. Torres, congratulations" Maggie started. "You really did deserve it."

I shook her hand and thanked her, I told her how impressive her own work had been, but I couldn't help wondering whether or not they really had only given me the award for Derek's hand to avoid the fallout for giving me the award for a surgery in which I technically broke the law. But then I looked at Arizona who was waiting patiently and eagerly for me to return and it didn't matter anymore. I deserved this moment, and she deserved it too.

"So, you shrunk a heart?" I questioned, deciding to focus my energy back on Maggie and Cristina. "You must be getting that a lot lately."

"About as many times as you've been hearing about growing a leg out of Jell-O." Maggie countered jokingly. I felt a sudden jab at my side and suddenly realized Cristina was still standing there with her eyes wide like Bambi, unable to speak.

"Dr. Stone, this is Dr…"

"Cristina Yang" Maggie finished to the surprise of both Cristina and me.

"You know who I am?" Cristina finally spoke up. "She knows who I am." Cristina repeated. Then suddenly remembering her surroundings, she gathered herself and tried to inject some dignity back into her voice. Once they'd picked up a comfortable conversation, I discreetly made my way back to the table where Arizona had already gathered our things. We waited till everyone was busy chatting each other up then hurriedly left the room and I think we made it out to the lobby before Arizona finally caved and pulled me into an empty corner kissing me just enough to still be appropriate for any potential watching eyes. She pulled away then skipped off to the front desk and insisted on the best available room. Then she turned back to me holding the key up like a first prize ribbon. After that we were off to the elevator having a cute and ridiculous conversation as we went.

"I would really like to take that dress off of you" Arizona started

To which I replied "Well that is a convenient coincidence because I would really like some help taking this dress off"

The elevator door closed and Arizona kissed my neck before whispering "I think I could be of assistance with that."

I was glad we'd decided not to make the four hour drive back home, yes because we were doing something better, but also because it meant I wasn't sleeping in the apartment. It'd been almost a year now, but I still couldn't fully deal with walking down that hall every day.

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** Thank You for reading. Reviews are welcome and encouraged  
**


	21. Sign Here

It had been two months since Callie won the Award, and other than having the trophy displayed atop the fireplace mantle for everyone to see, Callie hadn't really talked much about it. She told Arizona she didn't want the recognition to overtake her career the way it had for so many other doctors. But, it was already happening. Despite their best efforts, any time Callie walked into a room it seemed her reputation introduced itself first. And, if the orthopedic wing expansion hadn't attracted a boat load of new potential hires already, her winning the Harper Avery surely had given Callie all the hiring power she could have ever asked for. Just in the first week Owen had already accepted six new surgical interns as transfers from other programs. It was amazing, it was everything Callie ever wanted, but it was also overwhelming. She'd often catch herself sitting in her office staring into space and trying, without luck, to theorize the likelihood that April Kepner would be able to handle all of this on her own at some point. It wasn't very likely. Not that April couldn't hold her own, but Callie knew if she could barely manage the sudden rush of work ahead of them, it would be next to impossible for April or any other doctor to manage on their own.

So far today, the only thing she had to look forward to, and it was a big thing, huge even, was that it was May 5th. It was May 5th and, barring a complete catastrophe, Arizona and Callie would be celebrating on an actual beach this year. All Callie had to do was post the new surgical plan for the next week, check on meet up with Carson to check on his progress, take some new scans and fax them over to Teddy at MEDCOM. She'd delegated everything else, including the new interns, especially the new interns, to April, there was no way she was going to miss today.

Arizona, on the other hand, had the sort of schedule that couldn't be delegated to other surgeons. Two little boys who'd been left at home while their parents were at work somehow accidentally managed to set themselves on fire, the way children accidentally managed to do almost anything imaginable when left unsupervised. So, she'd been working with Jackson since 10am just to remove the dead and rotting tissue and keep the swelling to a minimum. She'd promised she'd find a way to make it out by six, but they hadn't even assessed any organ damage yet, so it was starting to feel less and less likely. They'd covered both boys in lukewarm blankets that needed to be changed every half hour. This also meant that every half hour someone had to go in and peel back the blankets, get completely immersed in the smell of rotting flesh. Bag the dead skin to dispose of it, and then wrap the boys up again. It was her lunch hour now, but after all that she didn't have much of an appetite. Instead, she just sat in the attending break room with Jackson going over their most likely course of action.

"the younger one's got to be the most critical" Jackson started. "He's got signs of pulmonary organ distress, and from the bruising around his chest I suspect cardiac tissue damage."

Arizona knew his assessment was correct, she'd already settled in her head that she would need to get Cristina on board at some point. The problem was, they couldn't operate until the little boy stabilized and there was no telling when that would be, but it wasn't looking like anytime today. The other brother was another story entirely. He seemed to have suffered only cosmetic damage, but it was extensive in scope. There were burns everywhere and not enough healthy tissue on the child to cover the amount of grafting he would require. They were getting ahead of themselves though, They still hadn't even spoken to the parents.

"We'll just have to wait and see if they make it through tonight." Arizona reminded Jackson.

"Isn't today your anniversary? Do you want to head down to Ortho and let Dr. Torres know? I can catch you up." Jackson offered.

They sat there in silence for a while, waiting for the next change so that the nurses could update them on the status of their patients. Riley and Skylar, those were their names. Arizona had been so busy trying to set up a treatment plan she was mostly using pronouns and injuries to identify the boys, but in this short pause, she had the forethought to remind herself that those boys had names, names their parents gave them. And, because she was a parent too, she knew those boys had to be at the top of her list. All thoughts of trying to make it out in time went out the window.

"No, it's alright" Arizona assured him, "she'll understand."

A short while later a nurse came in to announce that Skylar was ready for them in OR 4. Skylar, the older brother, looked to be about ten and had a head full of curly blond hair. His hair seemed to be about the only thing attached to his head that hadn't been scared by fire, but he had it easy compared to was already 2pm by then and Arizona needed an hour just to get her team ready. They weren't going to be able to work on Riley today; his condition hadn't improved much and Arizona made the decision to place him in an induced coma. They got out of the scrub room and into the OR in record time

The minute Arizona pulled Skylar's sheets back to get a better look, she found herself at a loss for words.

"What the hell were they doing?

"the neighbors said bottle rockets" Jackson answered. "you cut a hole in the bottom of a soda bottle, put a fuse stick in there…"

"Is it combustible ?"

Jackson nodded his confirmation.

"Well, that's smart!" Arizona sighed.

It wasn't anything they couldn't manage in one or two hours. They'd do a procedure to keep the loose skin from his eyelids from falling into his eyes and causing infection. Then another procedure to graft some artificial skin where the bad tissue had fallen away, hopefully that would encourage the generation of new healthy tissue. That should have been all of it, except that the boys had working parents, and working parents were hard to get a hold of. Beyond the standard medical treatment to sustain life, Arizona wouldn't be able to do anything until she got some form of consent from someone. So, they waited, and waited some more. They were too scared to leave the OR because every second counted, but for now, they were just waiting.

~~~~~XX~~~~~

Callie sat in the living room waiting. They'd agreed already on the time and place so all that was left was for Arizona to get there so that they could get going. Still, she couldn't help being nervous about the whole thing. She was nervous because Arizona was running late; she was nervous because the babysitter backed out and she had to get Amelia to substitute last minute; most of all though, Callie was nervous because they'd developed a track record every May 5th and she was starting to think the universe hated their anniversary. She watched patiently as Sofia played with a set of wooden blocks on the living room floor. The little girl seemed angry at the blocks and had been persistently banging them against each other for the better part of ten minutes. She didn't dare attempt to join in the fun as Sofia wasn't the type to share her toys.

Callie wasn't even worried when Amelia arrived to pick up Sofia and she still hadn't heard from Arizona. Arizona promised they were going to make it this year and unlike the other years there were no reasons or excuses to keep them from doing exactly that. No one was running away from their problems this time, and really, that had been the root of their problem in the first place. Her optimism reaffirmed Callie went back to back to prepping Sofia's carry bag for Amelia.

Amelia, who seemed unfazed by the death-stare she'd earned from Sofia for daring to play with her favorite teddy bear, had her own ideas about why Arizona was running late.

"Robbins is just screwing with your head" she explained, "She keeps me waiting all the time in the OR, at the cafeteria, holds my lab results hostage for no reason at all, she's a real power hungry control freak."

Callie rolled her eyes in disturbance as she handed the now fully loaded carry bag over to Amelia.

"Hey, the crazy control freak is my wife" she countered, "You really think she's trying to psych me out?"

Amelia picked Sofia up and got knocked in the head by a block in the process. "I don't know, it's what I would do."

Callie took a second to consider Arizona's words. It was just a second and not much longer, not because Amelia lacked any cohesive sense of clarity, which she did, but that wasn't the reason. Callie hadn't interacted with Amelia much, but from the few encounters she could count she got the sense early on that Amelia was the sort of person to spew out whatever was on her mind and leave it to everyone else to decipher her meaning. So, Amelia's latest ruminations never had any real credibility where Callie was concerned. What did manage to pull her away from her thoughts was the sound of her phone buzzing, the standard alert for a new text message.

It was from Arizona, and it was simple and to the point: running late at work don't worry. They were doctors, this was a standard message to receive. Well, not completely anyway but just a little bit. Just slightly, only in the way that someone might worry they forgot to lock their house door before leaving for the day; she couldn't help it. Still, she wasn't really worried, even twenty minutes later when she was still waiting and Amelia started to question her resolve. Callie wasn't worried until the second text message came that read: Hold up in hospital, meet you there. Since they had already determined that they were going to make it this year Callie didn't wait long after that to get her things and leave. She turned to Amelia on the sofa who had been bouncing Sofia in her lap.

"My daughter is alive and healthy, please keep her that way" she instructed before kissing the little girl's cheek and hopping out the door.

~~~~~XX~~~~~

Arizona beat Callie to Elliot Bay by about twenty-four minutes. It was just enough time to make sure everything had been set up the way she wanted. She'd had a hard enough time getting out of work and was thankful when Baily barged into the attending lounge and insisted that she was taking over her case load. So, she raced down to the bay and got there with twenty-four minutes to spare. The deck was perfectly placed just close enough to the shore line that they could hear the water and feel a comfortable mist as the waves crashed around them. She could see the sun beginning to set just ahead of her. It wasn't an exotic island, but it was a beach and there was a table set up for a sunset dinner with wine and candles and Callie's favorite dishes, and, once Callie got there, it would be perfect.

So, when she heard Callie's sandals kicking up sand and softly making a swishing sound as she made her way toward the deck where Arizona had been sitting and waiting, Arizona couldn't help the mile long smile that crept across her face. And then there was her voice, even as she was approaching from behind Arizona could tell Callie was smiling too. They made it, and it was beautiful out; the perfect night for a beach front anniversary dinner.

"You rented a house? I didn't know we were renting a beach house. I thought we'd, you know spread a blanket…"

Callie paused mid-ramble just long enough to take in the view. "This is beautiful."

Since Callie had been so caught up that she completely forgot to say hello, Arizona took it upon herself to get up and greet her wife with a kiss.

"You really want to spread a blanket on the sand, that just sounds messy and wrong. What if you got sand in your pasta?"

Arizona had straightened her hair and sometime between being rushed out of the hospital by an insistent Baily and arriving at the beach house she managed to change into a navy blue mini-dress with a ridiculously high slit up the left side. In short, she looked Amazing and Callie definitely noticed. She was so busy noticing, in fact, that she barely touched her food the whole night.

After dinner Arizona did get a blanket out and they sat out by the water wrapped in each other's arms watching the waves for a while.

"This is perfect" Callie sighed into Arizona's ear. She hummed melodically with a hint of satisfaction while Arizona rested her head against Callie's shoulder.

"We could stay here" It came out faster and with more eagerness than Arizona intended. But she was excited.

"For the night?" Callie questioned, "Are you sure? Cause, I left Sofia with Amelia"

"No, I mean we could have this every day" Arizona corrected.

"We do have this every day, I do." It was true, Callie didn't need a grand gesture or a big getaway. She was just happy whenever they had a moment to relax together. "Besides where would we live? I don't do boats."

It was a nice sentiment, and Callie definitely meant every word of it, but Arizona knew if Callie had any idea what she was saying she'd take it back in a heartbeat.

"So, if you had the chance to wake up to this view every morning you'd turn it down?"

Sure enough, Callie changed her tune just slightly, which made Arizona chuckle just a little "Of course not, are you kidding me this place is gorgeous" "but this is the coastline, no one's every selling here"

"What if they were?" Arizona proposed then pulled a manila envelope out, opened it up and took out a small set of papers. "What if all you had to do was sign here?"

She waited a while for Callie to process what she was asking

"You know you don't want to go back to that apartment. I don't want to go back to that apartment. It doesn't feel like home anymore."

Arizona was calm in her explanation and Callie could see that she'd been thinking about it for a while.

"Sofia shouldn't be there either, it's just too confusing"

Callie tried to speak but every time she was prematurely cut off by an enthused and impassioned Arizona. The only thing she could think of doing was cutting her off with a kiss, and so she did.

"Can I just look at it first?" Callie finally got off with a smile.

They managed their way through the kitchen and the large sitting area with vaulted ceilings, then up the spiral staircase to the master bedroom. But that was as much of a tor as Callie was ever going to get. She walked in, saw the bed in front of them and suddenly felt terribly distracted. Arizona didn't mind, if she was being honest she'd admit that leading Callie to the bedroom was always a part of her plan.

"So, have you made up your mind?" Arizona asked about an hour later while Callie was still busy trying to convince her to go for round three.

"Oh, we are definitely buying this house." Callie stammered before going back to trailing kisses down Arizona's neck. "Let's spend the night, I feel like having a private house warming party."

Arizona ran her fingers through Callie's hair and smiled.

"Sorry no, you left my baby with a crazy woman and I'm not going to be able to sleep until she is far, far away from Amelia Shepherd."

Then, they just stayed there wrapped up in a mess of bed sheets and each other, not wanting to move from the spot they were in because it was perfect. For once, everything was just perfect flaws and all.

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